The meetings in the coffee shop continued, and the group grew larger. It was not quite a team yet, but it had leaders and a lot of brilliant men and women.
When they started the meeting, Impatient Gay indicated he wanted to say something. All listened.
It turned out he only had a question.
Impatient Gay: “Every night I go to bed wondering what can we do beyond holding a yearly ‘march’?”
Rev. Gay: “Do for what? What is your objective?”
Impatient Gay, “For liberation, freedom, and justice, of course.”
Lez Beautiful: “That sounds good. Sounds like that is what we need. But liberation from what? Freedom for what? Justice about what?
Gay Pro, “I like what I read in Quibuyen about Rizal’s goals for liberation, freedom, and justice for the people of the Philippines.”
First Lez, “I like it, too. But Liberation from what? We know what Rizal wanted. He wanted liberation from all the oppression of the Spanish colonial masters. What do we want liberation from?”
Almost a chorus: “We want liberation from heterosexist oppression and domination of every facet of our life.”
First Lez, “But what do we want freedom for?”
Gay Blade, “Oh, we could be serious about Rizal’s ideas on strategy.”
Trans, “We can be serious, and should be serious, I think, about Rizal’s strategies, but the questions of Freedom for what? And justice about what are still unanswered. I could say, ‘freedom to dress as I want.’ Would that satisfy everybody?”
Prof Gay, “Of course, I want that for you and for all of us, but you are right. We cannot move forward until we clearly identify our goals and form a strategy, and make an action plan.”
Gay Blade, “I still think Rizal’s idea of grassroots change and action is the best one. We now have barangays which they didn’t have in Rizal’s time. We could start with all the barangays in the country and get some real grassroots action.”
Gay Pol, “You are young, and you are full of enthusiasm. Of course that takes a big action plan to tackle such a big proposal. You see, we have not even identified what we would do in all the barangays in the country. The political analysts tell us that that is the secret to Barack Obama’s rise to power. Let’s remember that.”
Tran 2, “How can the barangays help with liberation? Liberation from what? In some places white is dominant. In some places Christian is dominant. In some places Islam is dominant. Everywhere heterosexist ideology is dominant. Is there any hope for breaking out of the domination that affects gays, lesbians, transgenders, and bisexuals?”
Pastor Gay, “I saw a moving segment of Oprah in which she showed some powerful examples of dealing with prejudice.”
Prof Gay, “Are you coming around to suggesting that marching once a year is not enough to counteract prejudice. What else is there?”
Lez Leader, “So that’s the beginning of our Action Plan. On page 19, Quibuyen quotes a letter of Rizal to del Pilar, “I am assiduously studying the events in our country. I believe that only intelligence can redeem us, in the material and in the spiritual… It is better to be tied by the ankles than elbow to elbow.”
Gay Blade, “We LGBT. All of us, are tied elbow to elbow now. What can we do to start getting loose? Shall we just wait and march once a year for another ten years?”
Bi, “Rizal once wrote to Blumentritt,…’When the Filipinos shall prefer to die rather endure miseries any longer, then I too shall advocate violent means. I cannot believe that you…would like to advise your good friend to endure all and to act like a cowardly man, without courage.”
Gay Blade, “Mabuhay Rizal. Them’s my kinda words. What are going to do to apply that to LGBT liberation?”
Wise Lez, “We have always thought there was nothing we can do but march like LGBT have been doing ever since 1970. And marching.”
Bi, “Rizal also wrote, “Spain will never learn.”
Gay Prof, “That’s a valid observation on his part. We have learned a little more sociology now. We have people right here in this coffee shop with us now who have degrees in community organization.”
Pastor Gay, “On that Oprah show, a gay teenager was beaten and left for dead by a racist who shouted, ‘Kill the faggot.’ At the end of the show, many years after the beating, the two were on Oprah telling how they were working together in the same organization to combat prejudice.”
Lez 3, “Do we have organizations like that?”
Gay Leader, “We have non-government organizations working for the liberation, freedom, and justice of indigenous people. Some of their members are right here. Why can’t we take some of the same principles and apply them to our LGBT cause of liberation, freedom, and justice?”
Gay Blade, “How would we do it. I am young. I am willing to learn.”
Gay Prof, “You got something there. We could start by educating ourselves on how to combat the ignorance of prejudice.”
Gay One, “We could study Malcom Gladwell – ‘Blink’ and ‘The Tipping Point.’”
Lez Sociologist, “There is already a fabulous program in existence, which also mentioned in that same Oprah show. It is called IAT, the Implicit Association Test: it’s a Demonstration test from Project Implicit, which gauges prejudicial attitudes or beliefs about certain groups of people. That’s one instrument we could use to educate ourselves and begin to develop a far reaching project.”
Gay Blade, “Then we could take it to every barangay in the country and wipe out prejudice.”
Gay leader, “Wow that’s great. Let’s see if we can develop a step by step action plan, that Rizal would be proud of and we can move beyond yearly marches.”
Lez Leader, “Let’s organize some study and report groups.”
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Liberation, Freedom, Justice
In this end of year-beginning of year blog I am embarking on an ambitious task.
I want to use the revolutionary mission of Jose Rizal for the liberation of the Filipino people from Spanish and friar suffocation (murder) – as something of a model for the liberation of LGBT people of the Philippines from the suffocation of homophobic religion and society.
I am inspired by Floro C . Quibuyen. I recently had a chance to meet Dr. Quibuyen, attend his lecture on Rizal as a revolutionary, and purchase his revised scholarly study of Rizal, “A Nation Aborted.”
I apologize that I cannot do justice to this incomparable study of Rizal. I can only attest to its being a source of immense inspiration to me. This is first because the subject is very near and dear to my heart, and second because of the impeccable literary and scholarly methodology which enhances its credibility and appeal.
And so, the project I am embarking on combines my two research and literary “loves,” Rizal and LGBT liberation.
I never regretted that I joined the left-leaning and short-lived “Gay Liberation Front” in 1971. It had a revolutionary concept that I have never let go of since.
This present day project will consist of a pattern of inspirational quotations from Dr. Quibuyen’s work followed by a commentary on LGBT liberation. The “lead” quote regarding Rizal will be 100% fact. The follow up commentary will be largely wishful fiction – in some ways like unto the wishful fiction of the Noli and Fili.
The biggest wish would be to see the work have even a fraction of the influence on LGBT liberation that the Noli and Fili had on the liberation of the Filipino people.
Surely this work, like Rizal’s works, will play a role in clarifying what LGBT people need liberation “from” and perhaps will even chart a course for reaching that much-hoped-for liberation.
(Let me note that there are multiple delightful scholarly “angles” explored and commented on by Dr. Quibuyen. Regretfully in this “short” project, for the sake of focus, I will avoid discussion of “side issues” that add so much richness to Professor Quibuyen’s work.)
(Let me note also from the beginning that there is no evidence to support stating that Rizal was gay in the sense of having an amorous, loving relationship or attraction to persons of the same sex, just as there is no evidence to indicate that Jesus, who had a “beloved disciple,” was gay, or that (future) King David of Biblical fame, who had a sworn relationship with Jonathan, was enjoying a sexual relationship with the one whose love “surpassed that of women.” Those are not issues of this discussion. Rizal did indeed exhibit finer sensibilities often associated with gay men. Here, the real issue is whether gay men, lesbians and women who love women, and bisexuals, and transsexuals can learn from the revolutionary insights of Rizal and apply them for the liberation of the LGBT people from the terrors and tyranny of heterosexist and homophobic domination and persecution?)
My first Rizal inspiration selection is from page 10 of the second edition of A Nation Aborted.
“Rizal’s vision was of a nation as an ethical community…
He was convinced that the road to national liberation, freedom, and justice was not via the violent seizure of state power… but through local, grass-roots community oriented struggles in civil society…
What if [such] local efforts and projects were replicated throughout the Philippines?”
[My comment: he knew about, read about and studied the French and American revolutions, and he developed a different idea of how to go about it.]
Philippine LGBT commentary
Gay was not born yesterday. Nor was Lez. They knew about stonewall. They knew how LGBT people around the world had been marching for freedom and justice for more than 25 years.
They were Filipino(a) to the core — in mind and spirit. They idolized Jose Rizal and their consciousness was slowly awakening to the magnitude of Rizal’s contribution to the liberation of the Filipino(a) people.
Even before Starbucks they sat down over coffee. They talked about what needed to be done for LGBT people of the Philippines. They talked about Rizal’s vision for liberation, freedom, and justice. Then Gay said, “Surely, 25 years after Stonewall the time has come for a Rizal-type revolution in the Philippines for the oppressed LGBT people.”
Lez replied, “I suppose Rizal had similar ideas when he thought how long it had been since the shameful execution in 1872 of the Gomburza fathers. You know, Gay, we are both active and experienced in civil society. We have seen a lot of action, demonstrating, marching. Let’s do all that, but let’s have a long term plan.”Yes, a master plan,” added Gay.
“Hold on,” Lez cut in. “Let’s make another commitment.”
“What’s that?” Gay asked.
“I would like for us to make a commitment from the start to recognize the equality of all people.”
“Yes, yes,” said Gay, “I am all for that.”
“We can start out,” Lez explained, “by emphasizing our attitude of equality by using inclusive language, language that includes everyone, not just men or women, but both.”
“Of course,” Gay assured her, “I am for that. Give me an example.”
“I said we need a long term plan. You said we need a master plan. You see the master is the ‘boss man’ and that does not emphasize equality.”
“Ah, I see,” said Gay, as if awakening from sleep. “I need to be alert and clean up my masculine dominated language.”
“Well,” Lez said with a cheerful smile, “Let’s get back to our long term plan.”
“We can’t do it alone,” Gay said. Rizal could not do it alone. Bonifacio could not do it alone. I am sure we both know like-minded people. I have a friend named Tran, who is even school-trained with a master’s in activism, or something like that. I will invite her to meet with us.”
“I was thinking of my very wise friend, Bi,” Lez replied. He could help us develop these ideas.”
It took time. Others came forward. Gay had a friend, known as Pastor Gay who had organized a church for reform and action on the religion front. They recognized the same kind of abuse against LGBT people in today’s society that the friars had imposed on the native people of the Philippines in general.
Within a year the dyed-in-the-wool activists formed themselves into an organization to do what they do best – street action, demonstration, and attention getting.
Pastor Gay and Gay Pro, a leader in the activist group, got together and got their groups, which were the first openly out and activist groups in the country, to co-sponsor the first LGBT march and rally in the country on the 25th anniversary of Stonewall, and it turned out to be the first such march and rally in the whole of Asia.
Bi observed in the coffee shop discussions that “there was a lot of publicity in newspapers and television, and even magazines, about this first small march, but did we know how, did we have a plan for getting the most out of this publicity for the liberation of our people?”
One day at the coffee shop Lez announced, “We have gathered together women who love women, and we are already talking about what we need to do most. Some think it is ‘sisterhood.’ Others think the sisters need to help each other understand what it means to be a ‘sister.’ They are already planning to write a book about it.”
Pastor Gay said, ”That’s what we are doing. We have a church of LBGT Christians and we teach ourselves that God loves us LGBT people unconditionally, and nobody can take that away from us. We don’t just have Sunday sermons, but we have week night discussions on our right to have and claim the love our God offers us, with no strings attached.”
Then the political activists got together and started talking about what laws were needed for LGBT people.
Gay Pol came to the coffee shop and explained, “The political activists are convinced that what we need to start with is an anti-discrimination bill. Gay Abro, who also had been involved in starting an activist LGBT group on the university campus, took on the job of writing the anti-discrimination bill.”
That was exciting news for the coffee shop talk group. Soon they found out that the bill was introduced into the congress by Rep. Etta Rosales. Members of the coffee shop group testified for it in hearings in congress. It passed the House of Representatives. Sadly it died for lack of action in the Senate. (This was the fate of hundreds of other bills, so Gay Pol said, “At this time we cannot see the hand of homophobia in the lack of Senate action at this time.”)
So they talked at the coffee shop. Gay Pol announced that the political activists would hold a weeklong workshop to study the manifestations, extent, and effects of homophobia and discrimination. That project resulted in a Noli Me Tangere of “evils” that LGBT people were experiencing.
Now over the years while all this scattered action was developing, Gay, Lez, Bi, Tran , Pastor Gay, Gay Pol and friends formed a coalition composed of representatives from all the groups to keep the annual marches marching every year. In 1998 the LGBT parade even marched in front of the President of the Republic in the Centennial Citizens Freedom Parade.
As the years went by with parades every year, with many organizations doing their thing, Gay, Lez, Bi, Tran and friends were reflecting on the scattered efforts that were made at Rizal’s time. A little activity here and there, books were published, magazines were written, the Liga was started, Rizal was arrested and sent into exile, the Katipunan secretly began. But nothing was happening to bring about the dream of freedom from injustice.
In the coffee shop, by now it was Starbucks and competitors, the long term plan was slowly evolving.
They did not debate whether Rizal “recanted” or not. They focused their whole attention, energy, brain power and zeal on bringing freedom and justice to their people.
Lez said, “I am appalled by the abuses our people continue to suffer.”
“For me,” Gay said, “I am deeply saddened, driven to action, when I realize that year after year the Anti Discrimination Bill of Rep. Etta Rosales does not get passed in both houses of the Congress.”
“You know,” Bi said, “This year it was deliberately blocked by the political anti LGBT maneuvers of a certain Protestant bishop who is a member of the House. Just plain bigotry, and he got away with it because of the apathy of the others.”
Tran told them that she “would like to get married just like her sister did with a beautiful wedding, marching down the aisle in her fabulous wedding gown and veil, but we all know that fighting for same-sex marriage is not our priority in itself. Respect, equality, yes, and marriage is surely a symbol of equality.”
Then they put their heads together. Gay said, “We can look back in history and see that nothing was happening for decades as the colonial abuses continued from Gomburza to Rizal, and before and after. Rizal had a dream, a vision, an idea for a liberated nation of free people. But nothing happened.”
Lez pleaded, “Let’s don’t continue this scattered ineffective approach.”
Pastor Gay said, “Let’s look at Rizal’s vision again. He wanted the Philippine nation to be an ethical society. What in the world is an ethical society?”
"But what did Rizal mean,” Lez asked, “by local grass-roots community oriented struggles in civil society?”
“Then the question is,” Bi asked, ”What are the local projects that can be replicated throughout the Philippines so that our people can be set free and enjoy justice?”
They agreed the time for just talk talk was over. The time was long past for a long term plan, inspired by Rizal, that could be followed to bring about freedom and justice for the LGBT people of the Philippines.
To be continued.
I want to use the revolutionary mission of Jose Rizal for the liberation of the Filipino people from Spanish and friar suffocation (murder) – as something of a model for the liberation of LGBT people of the Philippines from the suffocation of homophobic religion and society.
I am inspired by Floro C . Quibuyen. I recently had a chance to meet Dr. Quibuyen, attend his lecture on Rizal as a revolutionary, and purchase his revised scholarly study of Rizal, “A Nation Aborted.”
I apologize that I cannot do justice to this incomparable study of Rizal. I can only attest to its being a source of immense inspiration to me. This is first because the subject is very near and dear to my heart, and second because of the impeccable literary and scholarly methodology which enhances its credibility and appeal.
And so, the project I am embarking on combines my two research and literary “loves,” Rizal and LGBT liberation.
I never regretted that I joined the left-leaning and short-lived “Gay Liberation Front” in 1971. It had a revolutionary concept that I have never let go of since.
This present day project will consist of a pattern of inspirational quotations from Dr. Quibuyen’s work followed by a commentary on LGBT liberation. The “lead” quote regarding Rizal will be 100% fact. The follow up commentary will be largely wishful fiction – in some ways like unto the wishful fiction of the Noli and Fili.
The biggest wish would be to see the work have even a fraction of the influence on LGBT liberation that the Noli and Fili had on the liberation of the Filipino people.
Surely this work, like Rizal’s works, will play a role in clarifying what LGBT people need liberation “from” and perhaps will even chart a course for reaching that much-hoped-for liberation.
(Let me note that there are multiple delightful scholarly “angles” explored and commented on by Dr. Quibuyen. Regretfully in this “short” project, for the sake of focus, I will avoid discussion of “side issues” that add so much richness to Professor Quibuyen’s work.)
(Let me note also from the beginning that there is no evidence to support stating that Rizal was gay in the sense of having an amorous, loving relationship or attraction to persons of the same sex, just as there is no evidence to indicate that Jesus, who had a “beloved disciple,” was gay, or that (future) King David of Biblical fame, who had a sworn relationship with Jonathan, was enjoying a sexual relationship with the one whose love “surpassed that of women.” Those are not issues of this discussion. Rizal did indeed exhibit finer sensibilities often associated with gay men. Here, the real issue is whether gay men, lesbians and women who love women, and bisexuals, and transsexuals can learn from the revolutionary insights of Rizal and apply them for the liberation of the LGBT people from the terrors and tyranny of heterosexist and homophobic domination and persecution?)
My first Rizal inspiration selection is from page 10 of the second edition of A Nation Aborted.
“Rizal’s vision was of a nation as an ethical community…
He was convinced that the road to national liberation, freedom, and justice was not via the violent seizure of state power… but through local, grass-roots community oriented struggles in civil society…
What if [such] local efforts and projects were replicated throughout the Philippines?”
[My comment: he knew about, read about and studied the French and American revolutions, and he developed a different idea of how to go about it.]
Philippine LGBT commentary
Gay was not born yesterday. Nor was Lez. They knew about stonewall. They knew how LGBT people around the world had been marching for freedom and justice for more than 25 years.
They were Filipino(a) to the core — in mind and spirit. They idolized Jose Rizal and their consciousness was slowly awakening to the magnitude of Rizal’s contribution to the liberation of the Filipino(a) people.
Even before Starbucks they sat down over coffee. They talked about what needed to be done for LGBT people of the Philippines. They talked about Rizal’s vision for liberation, freedom, and justice. Then Gay said, “Surely, 25 years after Stonewall the time has come for a Rizal-type revolution in the Philippines for the oppressed LGBT people.”
Lez replied, “I suppose Rizal had similar ideas when he thought how long it had been since the shameful execution in 1872 of the Gomburza fathers. You know, Gay, we are both active and experienced in civil society. We have seen a lot of action, demonstrating, marching. Let’s do all that, but let’s have a long term plan.”Yes, a master plan,” added Gay.
“Hold on,” Lez cut in. “Let’s make another commitment.”
“What’s that?” Gay asked.
“I would like for us to make a commitment from the start to recognize the equality of all people.”
“Yes, yes,” said Gay, “I am all for that.”
“We can start out,” Lez explained, “by emphasizing our attitude of equality by using inclusive language, language that includes everyone, not just men or women, but both.”
“Of course,” Gay assured her, “I am for that. Give me an example.”
“I said we need a long term plan. You said we need a master plan. You see the master is the ‘boss man’ and that does not emphasize equality.”
“Ah, I see,” said Gay, as if awakening from sleep. “I need to be alert and clean up my masculine dominated language.”
“Well,” Lez said with a cheerful smile, “Let’s get back to our long term plan.”
“We can’t do it alone,” Gay said. Rizal could not do it alone. Bonifacio could not do it alone. I am sure we both know like-minded people. I have a friend named Tran, who is even school-trained with a master’s in activism, or something like that. I will invite her to meet with us.”
“I was thinking of my very wise friend, Bi,” Lez replied. He could help us develop these ideas.”
It took time. Others came forward. Gay had a friend, known as Pastor Gay who had organized a church for reform and action on the religion front. They recognized the same kind of abuse against LGBT people in today’s society that the friars had imposed on the native people of the Philippines in general.
Within a year the dyed-in-the-wool activists formed themselves into an organization to do what they do best – street action, demonstration, and attention getting.
Pastor Gay and Gay Pro, a leader in the activist group, got together and got their groups, which were the first openly out and activist groups in the country, to co-sponsor the first LGBT march and rally in the country on the 25th anniversary of Stonewall, and it turned out to be the first such march and rally in the whole of Asia.
Bi observed in the coffee shop discussions that “there was a lot of publicity in newspapers and television, and even magazines, about this first small march, but did we know how, did we have a plan for getting the most out of this publicity for the liberation of our people?”
One day at the coffee shop Lez announced, “We have gathered together women who love women, and we are already talking about what we need to do most. Some think it is ‘sisterhood.’ Others think the sisters need to help each other understand what it means to be a ‘sister.’ They are already planning to write a book about it.”
Pastor Gay said, ”That’s what we are doing. We have a church of LBGT Christians and we teach ourselves that God loves us LGBT people unconditionally, and nobody can take that away from us. We don’t just have Sunday sermons, but we have week night discussions on our right to have and claim the love our God offers us, with no strings attached.”
Then the political activists got together and started talking about what laws were needed for LGBT people.
Gay Pol came to the coffee shop and explained, “The political activists are convinced that what we need to start with is an anti-discrimination bill. Gay Abro, who also had been involved in starting an activist LGBT group on the university campus, took on the job of writing the anti-discrimination bill.”
That was exciting news for the coffee shop talk group. Soon they found out that the bill was introduced into the congress by Rep. Etta Rosales. Members of the coffee shop group testified for it in hearings in congress. It passed the House of Representatives. Sadly it died for lack of action in the Senate. (This was the fate of hundreds of other bills, so Gay Pol said, “At this time we cannot see the hand of homophobia in the lack of Senate action at this time.”)
So they talked at the coffee shop. Gay Pol announced that the political activists would hold a weeklong workshop to study the manifestations, extent, and effects of homophobia and discrimination. That project resulted in a Noli Me Tangere of “evils” that LGBT people were experiencing.
Now over the years while all this scattered action was developing, Gay, Lez, Bi, Tran , Pastor Gay, Gay Pol and friends formed a coalition composed of representatives from all the groups to keep the annual marches marching every year. In 1998 the LGBT parade even marched in front of the President of the Republic in the Centennial Citizens Freedom Parade.
As the years went by with parades every year, with many organizations doing their thing, Gay, Lez, Bi, Tran and friends were reflecting on the scattered efforts that were made at Rizal’s time. A little activity here and there, books were published, magazines were written, the Liga was started, Rizal was arrested and sent into exile, the Katipunan secretly began. But nothing was happening to bring about the dream of freedom from injustice.
In the coffee shop, by now it was Starbucks and competitors, the long term plan was slowly evolving.
They did not debate whether Rizal “recanted” or not. They focused their whole attention, energy, brain power and zeal on bringing freedom and justice to their people.
Lez said, “I am appalled by the abuses our people continue to suffer.”
“For me,” Gay said, “I am deeply saddened, driven to action, when I realize that year after year the Anti Discrimination Bill of Rep. Etta Rosales does not get passed in both houses of the Congress.”
“You know,” Bi said, “This year it was deliberately blocked by the political anti LGBT maneuvers of a certain Protestant bishop who is a member of the House. Just plain bigotry, and he got away with it because of the apathy of the others.”
Tran told them that she “would like to get married just like her sister did with a beautiful wedding, marching down the aisle in her fabulous wedding gown and veil, but we all know that fighting for same-sex marriage is not our priority in itself. Respect, equality, yes, and marriage is surely a symbol of equality.”
Then they put their heads together. Gay said, “We can look back in history and see that nothing was happening for decades as the colonial abuses continued from Gomburza to Rizal, and before and after. Rizal had a dream, a vision, an idea for a liberated nation of free people. But nothing happened.”
Lez pleaded, “Let’s don’t continue this scattered ineffective approach.”
Pastor Gay said, “Let’s look at Rizal’s vision again. He wanted the Philippine nation to be an ethical society. What in the world is an ethical society?”
"But what did Rizal mean,” Lez asked, “by local grass-roots community oriented struggles in civil society?”
“Then the question is,” Bi asked, ”What are the local projects that can be replicated throughout the Philippines so that our people can be set free and enjoy justice?”
They agreed the time for just talk talk was over. The time was long past for a long term plan, inspired by Rizal, that could be followed to bring about freedom and justice for the LGBT people of the Philippines.
To be continued.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Merry Christmas -- all year round
Merry Christmas -- all year roundThat's my Christmas message this year.
It's a message originally designed for "lovers."
But I am sure we can find many applications.
My Christmas message this year, for my first octogenarian Christmas, can be a wonderful experience for you in many situations in your life.
When people come to us for a Holy Union, we discuss with them at some length a concept of "love" which I call, "Love's Bottom Line."
I started this practice only about 3 and half years ago, and I wish I had started 30 years ago.
NOW I am getting emails from around the world, "Since our wedding in your chapel 2 years ago, we have been living happily together in London -- so grateful that you taught us Love's Bottom Line. It has made our life together very happy." Maybe you can discover the secret of :"Merry Christmas -- all year round."
Love's Bottom Line
"God is love, and wherever love, God is; those who live in love live in God, and God lives in them." I John
"The greatest love one can have is to lay down one's life for one's friend."
ByFr. Richard R. Mickley, O.S.Ae., Ph.D.
In a retreat I facilitated for 36 college students they were assigned in small groups to define "love." That triggered a lot of discussion, but hours later (well after midnight) there was a near unanimous agreement that -- it is not possible to have a definition of love which does not include the idea of "giving."
For a moment we got scriptural and reminded ourselves that God, who is Love, "so loved the people of the world that God gave Jesus…" We decided that it is pretty hard to "show" love without "giving."
When people come to us for a Holy Union to unite themselves in a loving and holy union, it's usually quite obvious that they "love" each other and are in "in love."
But we go on to explore what is the "bottom line" that makes their wedding, their union, their life together, their love make sense.
Everyone who is honest and realistic admits that they have arguments and disagreements, and sometimes some admit they have rather nasty brawls. What's at the root of these unpleasant glitches in their "love affair"? They usually agree that it's because one of them insists on "doing it my way," or saying, "I'm right and you are wrong," or saying, "I don't care what you say, I want this." Often the root of the problem is the desire, the drive, to win, to come out on top.
Now, when that happens, it leads to a deadlock, an unhappy hour or two hours, or an unhappy relationship, depending on how long the stubbornness, the obstinacy, continues.
Remember we are talking about love, about a so-called loving relationship. You can have disagreements at work, but the dynamics are quite different. You can want your own way in the work-place, but there the solution will be probably be solved on the basis of "authority" or the "good" of the work."
In a loving couple, in our day and age, we usually don't have a "boss" of the relation ship. It is now more common to think and act in an "equal relationship." (By the way, if you choose to have one person as the "boss" of the relationship, you should have some well-understood guidelines on how and when the "authority" operates.)
In a loving equal relationship you can learn to interact by following accepted methods of negotiation and compromise. Of course that takes not only some know-how, but also some practice. For most people, these skills don't come automatically, probably because of lack of good role models in our families and in society around us. I have a chapter on this in my book, Sharing and Growing, which is a full length how-to-do-it manual for building a stronger and more harmonious relationship.
Having said that, let's go back to the "bottom line." In short, the bottom line is what you have when all is said and done. In business the bottom line is what you still have left (hopefully) after the expenses are subtracted from the income.
In a relationship, the bottom line is the one thing that is the most important, most sensible reason for being together. (Or, the only sensible thing that is left after all the crazy stuff is ruled out.)
In business, people work together as partners to make money. Why do two people come together in love as a couple? We are not talking about teaming up to make money. Is it to have their own way? Is it to win arguments? Is it to fight, argue, disagree (or even agree) all the time?
Why are two people together as a couple? Is the argument you have today, or winning it, going to be important a year from now? A month from now? Will you even remember what it was about a week from now? Will it even matter tomorrow? On the other hand does it matter that both of you will have been unhappy because of it all this time?
Well, then, is the purpose of the relationship to win every argument, to be grouchy, cranky, unpleasant, downright sad because you don't get your way?
What is the one thing that makes sense? What is the one thing that makes it sane and good and pleasant for two people to be together? To call themselves a couple? If you have the answer to that for you and your partner, you will know the bottom line. Let me just note, that some of the elements could differ from couple to couple in how they go about it. (The same thing will not work for everybody. Some people seem to be born to argue, and really can't be happy unless they are arguing. And that could work for them – if both partners have this insatiable urge to be happy by arguing. There are some people who say, "Wouldn't life be boring if you never have an argument?")
So, the bottom line is not necessarily agreeing all the time. What is it? You can, and probably should, learn guidelines for negotiation and compromise, but what's the object of it all?
Especially, what is the whole idea, the sensible pujrpose, of getting together for a life of togetherness?
Both negotiation and compromise require some "giving" from each partner. So, what we want to stress is that nothing will work if it is not "two-sided" giving. And that holds doubly true for the "bottom line" for couples in a loving relationship. Remember, we suggested there can be no definition of love without including the concept of "giving."
Are you together to be unhappy? Are you together to make each other miserable? What is the one thing that makes sense? Yes. It is, "We are together to make one another happy." That's the bottom line. To make it practical, we can put it this way, in every situation, "
What can I do to make my partner happy?
How Can I Make My Partner Happy?
If I know my loved one is blissful when I bring a rose or a dozen roses, would I wait a year to bring a rose or roses? If I know my partner is a movie buff and really enjoys having me in the next seat at the cinema, will I always say, "No, I hate movies"?
Sometimes this is a hard thing to deal with. What if one likes dancing more than the other? "How can I make my partner happy?" Perhaps without a lot of explaining, perhaps this time I will go to the movie with my partner, and the next time I will go dancing with my partner, so we both have a chance to make the other happy. If one is a vegetarian, that does not mean the other has to make the supreme sacrifice and unhappily become a vegetarian, but it presents a challenge, "What can I do to make my partner happy?"
Smoking and drinking, spending money, and going out with friends can present similar challenges. If you know your partner is sick and hungry, will you set out food, or will you beg for company on the dance floor? What will bring happiness at that moment?
There is always a way when the bottom line is the starting point, and a bit of unsophisticated compromise is thrown in. (Like: My partner hates smoking; I will never smoke in my partner's presence. It's up to me to decide if my love requires me to give by "giving up" smoking.)
Going back to the definition of "love" -- giving -– if I want to give love to my partner, I find a way to show it by asking myself, "What can I do (give of myself) to make my partner happy?"
Perhaps becoming human with us, with all our suffering and pain and hardships, may not have been the most pleasant thing the Word of God could desire, but love was foremost in the being of Jesus, so that he gave himself to the fullness of human life, healing, going about doing good, but enduring hunger and sweat and suffering, and eventually torture and death as well, all because of love.
If we want to say with St. Paul, "I live now, not I, but Christ lives in me," Can we put easy limits on what we are willing to do to make our partner happy?
God is Love, and those who live in love, live in God, and God lives in them. Great things are about to happen when the starting point, the beginning attitude is not "How can I win?" but "How can I make my partner happy?"
Stop and think. What would be the result in your life? If each time you felt like prolonging an argument, you asked yourself, "How can I make my partner happy?" Or if each time your partner felt like intensifying a fight, suddenly there would be a reflection, "What can I do to make my partner happy?"
Note: this a question one asks oneself (internally). It is not something one throws in te face of the other.
Of course it takes two. It works best if both partners are saints. If both are not saints, wouldn't it be great if both tried to be – in this regard, at least. Unfortunately, the world has all too seldom witnessed the peace and joyful togetherness experienced by the couple who elevate their love to this level.
Even if the world has not seen it, you will enjoy the most wonderful, most happy, most fulfilling relationship ever possible in the history of the world if you mutually base you attitude and love on Love's Bottom Line: "How can I make my partner happy?"
St, Francis of Assisi gives us some hints on how to do this in his beautiful prayer for peace:
Lord,Make me an instrument of your peace:
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury – pardon;
Where there is doubt – faith;
Where there is darkness – light;
Where there is sadness – joy.
O Divine master,Grant
that I may not so much seek;
To be consoled – as to console;
To be understood – as to understand;
To be loved – as to love.For…
It is in giving – that we receive;
In pardoning – that we are pardoned; and,
It is in dying – that we are born to eternal life.
[In summary:It is in giving -- that we love;
It is in loving -– that we find happiness.]
(This summary added to St. Francis' prayer.)
Fr. Richard R. Mickley, O.S.Ae., Ph.D.
The Order of St. Aelred (O.S.Ae.)
St. Aelred Friendship Society (SAeF)
E-mail: saintaelred@gmail.com
Website: http://www.geocities.com/staelredmonasterymanila
Monday, December 1, 2008
HIV
Today is World AIDS Day, and I think it is timely to remind our Friends of some alarming facts about what is happening in our country. Men who have sex with men are now the leading “cases” HIV in this country.
When I came to this country 17 years ago, I was surprised that MSM sex was not the leading cause of HIV spreading in this country. I came from Los Angeles where 50 of my friends died of AIDS because they did not know what was causing AIDS (and most of them were infected even before scientists knew there was a virus and virus transmission involved).
Now we all know where HIV comes from, not from sex, but from unprotected sex.
I give only the first few scary paragraphs here. Read the whole article on Inquirer.net (Just click on the link that follows.)
http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/inquirerheadlines/nation/view/20081201-175389/Govt-warns-vs-HIV-danger-in-MSM-sector
SPECIAL REPORT: Gov’t warns vs HIV danger in MSM sector
By Diana G. Mendoza
Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 04:31:00 12/01/2008
MANILA, Philippines — Amid the celebration of World AIDS Day on Monday, the health department is grappling with the problem of declaring an epidemic of HIV infection among a sector it calls MSM, or men having sex with men.
Increasingly, recent victims are students and young professionals.
The huge problem is that it could not declare this epidemic in the same way it does an outbreak of dengue fever because of the “gay” stigma implicit in it.
Dr. Eric Tayag, head of the health department’s National Epidemiology Center, sounded the alarm in October during the Philippine National AIDS Convention, a biannual event of the NGO AIDS Society of the Philippines.
Citing the health department’s HIV/AIDS Registry, a collection of reports from hospitals, clinics and treatment centers of laboratory-confirmed HIV tests, Tayag noted sudden, steep increases in HIV infection among MSM in the last three years.
The registry recorded 210 new infections among MSM in 2005, 309 in 2006 and 342 in 2007.
This year, from January to September alone, there were already 395 cases, up 96 percent since 2005.Tayag said there was nothing like this in the 21 years since the government kept an official record of HIV infections starting in 1984 when the first AIDS case was reported in the Philippines.
Because the cases were tremendously in excess of what was usually expected, Tayag concluded that there was “an ongoing HIV and AIDS epidemic among the MSM.”
“Several factors may be responsible but we believe MSM has become the new sexual norm (in HIV transmission),” he said.
Independent behavioral studies, he said, have shown widespread unsafe sex in this group, such as the nonuse of condoms during anal sex.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
To Borrow a Title -- Culture and Health
Following the bordering-on-the-frivolous announcement of my reaching the age of old age in my immediately preceding blogs, and gratefully having answered the dozens of personal greetings, I want to discuss a very serious issue.
This serious thinking is prompted by today’s Inquirer column by Dr. Michael Tan, the UP anthropologist-columnist, who writes on almost anything with great wisdom and insights into human nature -- and how some humans thwart human nature.
I write on sex-positive theology. My topics often have an anthropological angle, and when Dr. Tan writes about them, the terminology sometimes comes out different, but today I am amazed at the bottom line coming out so much alike.
Culture and Health
Mike’s topic today is “Culture and Health.” My interest often turn to culture, tradition, religious beliefs and spiritual health (which cannot be separated from emotional, intellectual physical health).
He says “we hear a lot these days about cultural barriers to good health.” I often write about cultural barriers gay and lesbian people, LGBT people in general, face not only to good health, but to survival.
The “Culture” of Prejudice
Let me digress for a moment to look at what happened when the people of California overcame racial prejudice and voted on November 4th to elect a black man president of the United States, but on the same day the people of California perpetuated prejudice against LGBT people by voting to deny them equal marriage in the state. Now there certainly are some mind-boggling issues involved in that phenomenon.
I have watched panels where it was debated that this is a terrible cultural contradiction as opposed to those who argued that the two are unrelated issues -- racial prejudice and sexual orientation prejudice.
Reproductive Health
The underlying issue of Dr. Tan’s column is the Reproductive Health Bill currently being debated in the House of Representatives. I choose to believe the authors that it has absolutely nothing to do with abortion. That is does have to do with the health of adult human beings.
That bill is being opposed by the same religious entities who oppose recognition of the rights of persons with same-sex attraction to have the mental, emotional, physical, and emotional health of expressing their same-sex love in a manner appropriate for their God-given sexual orientation (which is indeed, a given, not a choice, as one prominent TV commentator said just today). Note: see the “list of donors, including the Roman Catholic Bishops, posted on our SAeFfriends Yahoo Group by our Friend George DiCarlo
Repressive and Oppressive: Moral Slavery
In connection with reproductive health rights, Mike uses the terms repressive and oppressive to refer to certain cultural influences.
In recent years I have been using “moral slavery” to put a label on the oppression that is used to cut off the rights of people in sexual matters. We have been made moral slaves by such cultural (religious) norms as
*“The Bible condemns same-sex love.” FALSE
*“Masturbation is a sin.” WHY? (Thou shalt not commit adultery.)
*“Only heterosexual love and sex is not sin (under the right circumstances).” Why? Adam and Eve were told to increase and multiply.)
*“People with same sex attraction are not allowed any sex, at any time, in any way, in their entire life.” WHY? (Because Adam and Eve were told to increase and multiply and not commit adultery.)
When a couple comes to me for a same-sex wedding, I have a discussion with them, illustrated by a PowerPoint presentation, about the formation of conscience and the role of conscience in combating repression and oppression. I ask them if they think their love is a sin. Very often they ask, “How can love be a sin?” Simple and beautiful answer.
Conscience
I proceed to show them how that simple answer is the product of their good thinking . They have made a decision of conscience and did not even know it.
Conscience is the moral judgment, the decision, which is made after considering the facts, the “evidence,” available to make the decision. For a Christian, conscience is a “Christian Moral Judgment.” So you look at the factors which make it “Christian.” You listen to the church, the Bible, Jesus. You listen to human nature, the real life human situation, the psychological and economic factors involved. Your decision depends on the evidence you find.
“Is Your Love a Sin?” Is it a sin to kill?
Is it a sin to kill” Yes, of course. But somebody always remembers that ‘it depends…” If a one year old child picks up a gun and kills someone, it is not a sin because it depends on the child’s ability to commit sin. If a murderer is about to plunge a knife into your heart or your sister’s heart, or a an innocent victim’s heart, can you pull the trigger and kill that would-be murderer? Yes. It depends, on self-defense, defense of the defenseless, etc. That’s conscience.
Thus, not even killing is black and white, yes or no, “It depends…”
Is it a sin not to use condoms?
Is it as sin to use condoms. Yes, of course, the church says so. But that depends, too. Here’s what Mike Tan says that 69 Ateneo professors have to say,
“We ask our bishops
to respect the one in three (35.6%)
married Filipino women who
in their ‘most secret core and sanctuary’ or conscience,
have decided
that their and their family’s interests
would best be served
by using a modern artificial means of contraception.
Is it not possible
that these women were obeying
their well-informed and well-formed consciences
when they opted to use [condoms or pills]?”
That’s a monumental recommendation from 69 faculty members of a prestigious Filipino Catholic University. It echoes what Fr. Andrew Greeley, a Chicago-based priest sociologist has been saying for years…
This serious thinking is prompted by today’s Inquirer column by Dr. Michael Tan, the UP anthropologist-columnist, who writes on almost anything with great wisdom and insights into human nature -- and how some humans thwart human nature.
I write on sex-positive theology. My topics often have an anthropological angle, and when Dr. Tan writes about them, the terminology sometimes comes out different, but today I am amazed at the bottom line coming out so much alike.
Culture and Health
Mike’s topic today is “Culture and Health.” My interest often turn to culture, tradition, religious beliefs and spiritual health (which cannot be separated from emotional, intellectual physical health).
He says “we hear a lot these days about cultural barriers to good health.” I often write about cultural barriers gay and lesbian people, LGBT people in general, face not only to good health, but to survival.
The “Culture” of Prejudice
Let me digress for a moment to look at what happened when the people of California overcame racial prejudice and voted on November 4th to elect a black man president of the United States, but on the same day the people of California perpetuated prejudice against LGBT people by voting to deny them equal marriage in the state. Now there certainly are some mind-boggling issues involved in that phenomenon.
I have watched panels where it was debated that this is a terrible cultural contradiction as opposed to those who argued that the two are unrelated issues -- racial prejudice and sexual orientation prejudice.
Reproductive Health
The underlying issue of Dr. Tan’s column is the Reproductive Health Bill currently being debated in the House of Representatives. I choose to believe the authors that it has absolutely nothing to do with abortion. That is does have to do with the health of adult human beings.
That bill is being opposed by the same religious entities who oppose recognition of the rights of persons with same-sex attraction to have the mental, emotional, physical, and emotional health of expressing their same-sex love in a manner appropriate for their God-given sexual orientation (which is indeed, a given, not a choice, as one prominent TV commentator said just today). Note: see the “list of donors, including the Roman Catholic Bishops, posted on our SAeFfriends Yahoo Group by our Friend George DiCarlo
Repressive and Oppressive: Moral Slavery
In connection with reproductive health rights, Mike uses the terms repressive and oppressive to refer to certain cultural influences.
In recent years I have been using “moral slavery” to put a label on the oppression that is used to cut off the rights of people in sexual matters. We have been made moral slaves by such cultural (religious) norms as
*“The Bible condemns same-sex love.” FALSE
*“Masturbation is a sin.” WHY? (Thou shalt not commit adultery.)
*“Only heterosexual love and sex is not sin (under the right circumstances).” Why? Adam and Eve were told to increase and multiply.)
*“People with same sex attraction are not allowed any sex, at any time, in any way, in their entire life.” WHY? (Because Adam and Eve were told to increase and multiply and not commit adultery.)
When a couple comes to me for a same-sex wedding, I have a discussion with them, illustrated by a PowerPoint presentation, about the formation of conscience and the role of conscience in combating repression and oppression. I ask them if they think their love is a sin. Very often they ask, “How can love be a sin?” Simple and beautiful answer.
Conscience
I proceed to show them how that simple answer is the product of their good thinking . They have made a decision of conscience and did not even know it.
Conscience is the moral judgment, the decision, which is made after considering the facts, the “evidence,” available to make the decision. For a Christian, conscience is a “Christian Moral Judgment.” So you look at the factors which make it “Christian.” You listen to the church, the Bible, Jesus. You listen to human nature, the real life human situation, the psychological and economic factors involved. Your decision depends on the evidence you find.
“Is Your Love a Sin?” Is it a sin to kill?
Is it a sin to kill” Yes, of course. But somebody always remembers that ‘it depends…” If a one year old child picks up a gun and kills someone, it is not a sin because it depends on the child’s ability to commit sin. If a murderer is about to plunge a knife into your heart or your sister’s heart, or a an innocent victim’s heart, can you pull the trigger and kill that would-be murderer? Yes. It depends, on self-defense, defense of the defenseless, etc. That’s conscience.
Thus, not even killing is black and white, yes or no, “It depends…”
Is it a sin not to use condoms?
Is it as sin to use condoms. Yes, of course, the church says so. But that depends, too. Here’s what Mike Tan says that 69 Ateneo professors have to say,
“We ask our bishops
to respect the one in three (35.6%)
married Filipino women who
in their ‘most secret core and sanctuary’ or conscience,
have decided
that their and their family’s interests
would best be served
by using a modern artificial means of contraception.
Is it not possible
that these women were obeying
their well-informed and well-formed consciences
when they opted to use [condoms or pills]?”
That’s a monumental recommendation from 69 faculty members of a prestigious Filipino Catholic University. It echoes what Fr. Andrew Greeley, a Chicago-based priest sociologist has been saying for years…
Is your love a sin?
So what’s the relevance to our couples who are preparing for the highlight of their life -- their same-sex wedding. First I monitor their conscience. Do they believe their love is a sin or a gift from God?
One staunch Catholic male couple came to me for a nice garden wedding. They told me, “We know it is a sin, but…” I said “But, what?” No amount of teaching on my part could help them “change their conscience.” I told them, “If a person thinks something is a sin, and does it, then it is a sin. I don’t want to be part of your sin. My whole ministry is based on the unconditional love of God and the assurance that God is Love, and God is smiling on our same-sex love. If you think it is a sin, I cannot participate in your ‘sinful’ wedding.” And they left.
I am gratified that most couples nowadays have (perhaps unknowingly) solved their conscience before they come to me. That makes it easy to explain to them that they have formed their conscience, and that that they have a basic human right to do that.
And that is one aspect of culture and health for LGBT people.
So what’s the relevance to our couples who are preparing for the highlight of their life -- their same-sex wedding. First I monitor their conscience. Do they believe their love is a sin or a gift from God?
One staunch Catholic male couple came to me for a nice garden wedding. They told me, “We know it is a sin, but…” I said “But, what?” No amount of teaching on my part could help them “change their conscience.” I told them, “If a person thinks something is a sin, and does it, then it is a sin. I don’t want to be part of your sin. My whole ministry is based on the unconditional love of God and the assurance that God is Love, and God is smiling on our same-sex love. If you think it is a sin, I cannot participate in your ‘sinful’ wedding.” And they left.
I am gratified that most couples nowadays have (perhaps unknowingly) solved their conscience before they come to me. That makes it easy to explain to them that they have formed their conscience, and that that they have a basic human right to do that.
And that is one aspect of culture and health for LGBT people.
Good for the Health
Same-sex sexual health is good for the health.
In conclusion, I will quote and get in synch with a pertinent UN document which Mike quotes, “From within the same cultural matrix, we can extract arguments and strategies for the degradation or ennoblement of our species, for its enslavement or liberation, for the suppression of its productive potential or its enhancement.”
Liberation from moral slavery is good for the HEALTH.
It ennobles and enhances the health of the person.
Then Mike concludes, and we can conclude, along with his wisdom, “More than a simple declaration, that passage should be taken as a challenge to Filipinos and people throughout the world to take culture and health seriously.”
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Octogenarian Musings
I’ve been thinking about jotting down and blogging a few thoughts for my birthday this month.
An Epitaph
I got sidetracked a few minutes yesterday when an Inquirer columnist wrote her own epitaph. Pondered it awhile. I remembered the prayer we said every night in seminary when I was 13 and 14 years old “Life is short, and death is sure. The hour of death remains obscure. Waste not your time, while time shall last, for after death, tis ever past.” Morbid then. But I tried to live by that for the next 70 years, and it doesn’t seem morbid at all now.
That’s just the way it is.
And I decided not to write any more epitaph, Let me just quote today’s message to me from one of my best friends in the world, Fr. Paul in California: “Today's Message of the Day is: Life is short. Break the rules. Forgive quickly. Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here, we should dance”(That ought to make all the hard shell conservatives smile.}
Born in Danville
It’s true that 80 years have passed since that day at 4:00 in the afternoon on November 12, 1928 on Mickley Street in Danville in the hills of Ohio when Clara Mae Hammond Mickley, wife of Raymond Albert Mickley, brought forth her first born (of ten). A year earlier both had finished a year or two of college (she at Ohio Weslyan and he at Ohio University) and they decided to get married. They had met in high school where Clara rode her horse and buggy to school and Raymond walked to school (the same school that still stands in the center of Danville).
What’s memorable
What’s memorable for me in the eight decades since that day? I could not answer that in 80 pages. I will just go back to my original idea – and jot down a few thoughts.
My siblings
I have always cherished my nine siblings – and their multiple offspring. I was born a year and a month after the marriage of my parents on october 12, 1927. Every one of nine siblingsw, a success in their careers, from wife of the long time mayor of our hometown, to the retired state parole officer and university professor. Three achieved high levels in the professional plumbing profession; an advanced level carpenter, a retired colonel of the United Air Force. Their judgment of me: best educated, poorest.
My Greatest Treasures
My greatest treasures came about one a year or so apart, from John in 1958 to Paul in 1968, with Jane, Michael, Julie, Rick, Bob, Pete, and Mary in between. And they in turn have added additional treasures. Never could I have guessed that God would be so good in giving such treasures and giving them the world’s most outstanding mother and grandmother.
Yes, indeed, I could fill many pages about my greatest treasures, their mother, and their wonderful grandparents, grandma Florence and Grandma Mickley, both of happy memory.
Latin and Religion
When I came back from the Korean War, I taught junior high for a year and spent a decade as a high school Latin teacher, working on my masters in Latin and spending a summer in Rome studying Latin and archeology on a scholarship.
That all came after I sent many years in a religious community learning Latin (sixteen semesters of it) and religion and getting a basic classical education and ministry training that have served me so well all these years.
Sexuality at 15
When I was 15, the specter of sexuality already was haunting my young life (as a Roman Catholic seminarian). So when we had our couple of weeks at home that summer, I asked my mom to take me to see Dr. Graham, whom I knew to be a Protestant doctor.
In the privacy of Dr. Graham’s clinic, I told him about the terrible “illness’ that was gripping me, and it was so sinful, so shameful, so embarrassing. I just knew I was the only disgusting person in that religious house who was overpowered by this awful condition.
“I just can’t keep from doing it,” I told him. “No matter how much I pray before the altar of Our Blessed Mother, even if I put pebbles in my shoes for pain and penance and punishment, it still happens every week.”
The priests I confessed to were wonderful men of God who have gone now to their reward, but they could not be described as empathic with me in my illness. Sometimes silent, but never explaining human nature to me.
Dr. Graham, on the other hand, with the most kindly eyes and caring tones, did explain things to me. “Young man, you can pray all you want, but pebbles in your shoes are not prescribed in this situation. You don’t have an illness. You are normal. It may help you to know that any student in your school who does not ‘do it’ is probably not normal. No doubt, they are all doing it. Don’t ever think you are the only one. And probably the teachers do it, too.”
After that startling revelation, I felt like saying, “My God, Doc, the teachers are all priests.” I just kept quiet because I knew that being a Protestant, he did not understand about priestly celibacy.
But, for me, his explanation of psychology was reassuring. You can believe that his “secret information” was a big boost for mental health, if not for my spirituality.
Integration of Sexuality and Spirituality
It was many many years later that I began to learn and teach about integrating (uniting) sexuality and spirituality. The good priests in my society were not able to teach that. It was not their theology. Now they have more guidelines from the Vatican (this one just this week), “A 2005 Vatican document said men with "deep-seated" homosexual tendencies shouldn't be ordained, but that those with a "transitory problem" could become priests if they had overcome them for three years. The Vatican considers homosexual activity sinful.The new guidelines reflect the earlier teaching, stressing that if a future priest shows "deep-seated homosexual tendencies," his seminary training "would have to be interrupted."The guidelines say priests must have a "positive and stable sense of one's masculine identity" and the capacity to "integrate his sexuality in accordance" with the obligation of celibacy.” Yes, if they only knew how to do that positively without all their sex negative prejudice.
Having written some 200 pamphlets and books by now on such subjects, I quickly look back at some of the influences that help bring me to this point in my life.
Spirituality
My spirituality was indeed positively formed by all those years in the religious order (with a positive bottom line in spite of the sex negative theology.)
The Cusilllo
Probably the next big influence was the Cursillo movement, which convinced me, then as a lay person, that Christianity can work and is a really powerful spirituality. Having served several years in a national leadership role, I was able to help spread the influence of the Cursillo throughout the United States.
Ralph Martin and Steve Clark
Through the Cursillo I met Ralph Martin and Steve Clark (authors well-known in the Catholic reading world, but close personal friends of mine as I was deeply influenced by their personal spirituality (though they had xero tolerance for same sex love). I still see Ralph Martin bringing inspiring messages to thousands televised on EWTN and FamilyLand TV.(as he did when we traveled around the US conducting seminars in the 60’s).
I was with them as they founded the wide-spread Catholic Charismatic Movement from Michigan to around the globe. I was with them, on the team, as they developed the original Life in the Spirit Seminar. I benefited a lot from them and the movement.
Sexuality
I got a lot of help with my sexuality from Dr. Charles Kuell in Van Nuys, CA. He tutored me through my doctoral program in clinical psychology with emphasis on same-sex relationship. I attended his “group therapy” sessions for gay men for years, and that experience became the inspiration for my more than ten years leadership of the Gay Men’s Support Group here in Manila.
Reading Fr. John McNeil’s books and Fr, Normal Pittenger’s books, and many more sex-positive theologians, helped me integrate my knowledge of psychology, my experience of spirituality, and personally begin to attain a balanced life of integrated spirituality and sexuality (and finally be in a position to help others in the process.
Experiences
Yes, in the 8 decades, I have lived through the lifetime of Dr. Martin Luther King
a little more than 4 decades ago, Then the dynamic founding of MCC by the Rev.Troy Perry, just 40 years.
Troy Perry
Then the inspiring opportunity to work side by side with the living prophet of the LGBT movement, Troy Perry, in his office for several years and actually produce the monthly magazine which spread the good news of his spiritual movement to integrate spirituality and sexuality with the underlying message of God’s unfailing unconditional love, and working side by side with such spiritual giants as Fr. Paul Breton (wise counsel and support) and, of course Rev Troy Perry, Rev. Charlie Arehart, Bishop Stan Harris, Rev. John Fowler and so many others.
The Gay Liberation Movement
MCC was founded in 1968, a year before the Stonewall riots which began the gay and lesbian movement. Within a year after Stonewall, I joined The Gay Liberation Movement in 1970, and have been in it, under various names, ever since.
The Path to Manila
I had the opportunity, after several years working at the bedside of persons with AIDS in Los Angles, to work with the wonderful people of new Zealand as pastor of MCC for several years.
Then it was off to Manila where there was no one available to spread the Good news that God Smiles upon our love. I came here for an exploratory visit in 1991, not knowing a soul. After five weeks, 40 some people signed a petition for me to come back and officially start the work here. On September 7, 1991, I came back and founded MCC Manila, which became the first openly gay and lesbian organization in the country.
The First Gay and Lesbian Pride March in Asia
In i994 Oscar Atadero, a officer of Progay Philippines which had begun functioning in Manila, was also an officer in MCC. We began talking about Stonewall, and, noting that it was the 25th anniversary of Stonewall, we convinced ourselves and our administrative bodies that it was time to bring Stonewall to the Philippines.
I had proudly marched down the streets in huge Pride marches in LA, (and highly spirited ones in New Zealand ) where they had been happening and growing ever since the first anniversary of Stonewall in 1970.
It was time. So Progay and MCC cosponsored the first Pride March in Manila on June 26, 1994, and it turned out to be also the first Pride March in Asia. I gave the keynote speech and celebrated a Pride Mass in Quezon Memorial Circle.
Publicity and Action
The massive publicity generated by that small beginning brought about a wildfire of activity through the country, which saw media appearances by me and many others, the founding of more LGBT organizations, and the awakening of a an LGBT movement in the country.
This year Task Force Pride. of which we are founding members, is celebrating its 10th year of sponsorship and the 14th Manila Pride March.
Barach Obama: Overcoming Prejudice
My heart leaps for joy this week. Around the world it has been like New Year’s Eve, Milennium New Year’s Eve, as blacks in Kenya celebrate, Indonesians rejoice in Jakarta, tens of thousands explode with frenzy in New York, tens of thousands shake rattle and roll with excitement in Chicago – and around the world. Commentators say they have never seen anything like it the day after an election. Barach Obama, a Democrat, an African American, has been elected President of the United States.
Those of us who have experienced homophobia can imagine what it must be like to experience prejudice in a predominantly white country. Politics. I am decidedly a Democrat. I was very much for Hilary. When Barach got more votes than she did, I was still a Democrat. The Republicans are the enemy in many ways. Because of them I do not have Veterans Health care in the Philippines (outside US soil). They, with their conservative majority, have never been anything but enemies of LGBT people.
Nelson Mandela
I have lived to see Nelson Mandela, another great idol of freedom and justice, get out of prison and become president of the country which put him in prison (for 27 years) for being Black.
I have lived to see the barriers of discrimination broken, at least there. And. 42 years after Martin Luther King delivered his immortal “I have a Dream” speech in Washington, D.C, a black man has become president of the United States
Discrimination in California and the Philippines
I have lived to see Discrimination perpetuation on the same election day in California where the people voted to discriminate against equal marriage for same-sex couples, after the Supreme Court had ruled that non-equal marriage was non-equal rights of citizens. It is no surprise that the majority voted to take away the rights of the minority. It is a surprise that Barach Obama was elected on the same day as the people of California discriminated against LGBT people.
I live in the country which is the only country in the world which does not have divorce. It is caused by the same forces which deny the people of this country the right to get out of something that does not work (as every other country in the world has done)(might does not make right, nor does a majority, but if every country in the world recognizes the human need for divorce, that is a strong testimony about human nature and human need).
These are the same forces which defeated the ballot issue which perpetuated discrimination against LGBT people in California. It is the Catholic bishops, who cowtowed and catered to Ferdinand Marcos’s dictatorship and begged him not to allow divorce, also fought equal rights in California, and are fighting the reproductive health bill in the Congress, who blocked even the anti-discrimination bill, which we hoped for through the last decade. (I testified numerous times in congress. We did not ask for any special rights, or anything to do with marriage or co-habitation – just protection from discrimination – and they crushed it with their oppressive power.) Might does not make right.
Barach Obama
I never thought I would live to see a Black man President of the United States. I never thought I would live to see even one country recognize equal marriage for all its people. But I have not only seen Barach Obama elected, but I have lived to see five countries (The Netherlands, Belgium, Spain, Canada, South Africa) and two States of the US recognize equal marriage rights. And I have lived to see the majority people of California take that way from the minority people of California. Might does not make right.
I have lived to see a lot, certainly too much to retell here. Maybe in my memoirs. Maybe in a series of memoir blogs after I retire. When can I retire? Would I ever even think of it. Nature may be the one to decide. I have never had a treadmill test. I have never had a physical exam like executives have. I don’t know what the future holds. It occurred to me that some old men develop limitations.
The Rev. Ceejay Agbayani
For the last several years, I played a minor role in sponsoring a young man, C. J. Agbayani in seminary. This former Franciscan and member of our Order, studied full time at the prestigious Union Theological Seminary in the province near Manila and persevered to get his Master of Divinity (M.Div) degree.
He attended a Methodist and United Church of Christ Seminary as an openly gay man and an open Catholic. He held his head high and, got his degree and was ordained by MCC, the Rev. Ceejay Agbayani. He had a right to hold his head high. He hung in there against all odds. And made it. And founded a church, MCC Quezon City, 15 years after I founded the “mother church,” MCC Manila.
I am very proud of Ceejay. I have begun to work with him as my backup in the wedding ministry. Three years ago, I was in hospital for two weeks and could not get out for a scheduled wedding which really upset the plans of the couple.
So now, Rev. Ceejay will be available to step in in situations like that. But, gradually, perhaps I will turn over the entire wedding business to this dynamic disciple, filled with the Spirit of ministry. God is blessing his zeal. I will not in any way interfere or be connected with his pastoral ministry. But I will refer wedding ministry to him.
Ordained a bishop
I have lived to receive the fullness of the priesthood in my ordination to the Holy Orders of Bishop through the trust and confidence of Bishop James Burch of the Catholic Diocese of One Spirit. As Bishop of the Catholic Diocese of One Spirit, Philippines, I have been able to offer ordination to the priesthood in apostolic succession to qualified Order of St. Aelred Seminary graduates. See my blog, “Thankful to be a Priest (Novemeber 9, 2008).”
Conclusion
Thus, through my publications, through the thousands I have talked to in university symposia and various seminars and conferences, through the millions I have talked to on television, and through the hundreds of partners, relatives, and guests I have talked with in Holy Union settings, through ten years of regular Gay Mens Support Group meetings every Friday evening, through the prayers and ministry of the Order of St. Aelred, I have tried to do my best to spread the good news that our God is the author of both spirituality and sexuality, that our God is Love, and our God is smiling on our love, that our God invites us into friendship because our God is not only Love, but, as St. Aelred says, our God is Friendship.
How can I thank and express my love and friendship for the hundreds of friends throughout the world in our network of friends who have been at the very nerve center of my life and ministry through the years. I cannot even begin to mention names. If I did, I would want to start with my friends who are living with HIV, and then I would want to mention David and all in our group here, and then Peter and Roy, who were here for friendship and a Holy Union many years ago, but are together now in Saudi Arabia. If I wanted a really fitting epitaph, I would ask that every one, all the hundreds, of your names be placed on my “epitaph.” That would be a reminder and would begin to say what you have done for me.
And last and most, through the support and constant help and encouragement of my personal partner, though very busy in his professional career, I have been indeed blesssed with a very fulfilling decade together. For that and for him, I am prayerfully grateful.
I have to stop here, not the end of my memoirs, but the stopping point of this much longer than expected bit of sharing.
In Friendship,
Richard at 80
An Epitaph
I got sidetracked a few minutes yesterday when an Inquirer columnist wrote her own epitaph. Pondered it awhile. I remembered the prayer we said every night in seminary when I was 13 and 14 years old “Life is short, and death is sure. The hour of death remains obscure. Waste not your time, while time shall last, for after death, tis ever past.” Morbid then. But I tried to live by that for the next 70 years, and it doesn’t seem morbid at all now.
That’s just the way it is.
And I decided not to write any more epitaph, Let me just quote today’s message to me from one of my best friends in the world, Fr. Paul in California: “Today's Message of the Day is: Life is short. Break the rules. Forgive quickly. Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here, we should dance”(That ought to make all the hard shell conservatives smile.}
Born in Danville
It’s true that 80 years have passed since that day at 4:00 in the afternoon on November 12, 1928 on Mickley Street in Danville in the hills of Ohio when Clara Mae Hammond Mickley, wife of Raymond Albert Mickley, brought forth her first born (of ten). A year earlier both had finished a year or two of college (she at Ohio Weslyan and he at Ohio University) and they decided to get married. They had met in high school where Clara rode her horse and buggy to school and Raymond walked to school (the same school that still stands in the center of Danville).
What’s memorable
What’s memorable for me in the eight decades since that day? I could not answer that in 80 pages. I will just go back to my original idea – and jot down a few thoughts.
My siblings
I have always cherished my nine siblings – and their multiple offspring. I was born a year and a month after the marriage of my parents on october 12, 1927. Every one of nine siblingsw, a success in their careers, from wife of the long time mayor of our hometown, to the retired state parole officer and university professor. Three achieved high levels in the professional plumbing profession; an advanced level carpenter, a retired colonel of the United Air Force. Their judgment of me: best educated, poorest.
My Greatest Treasures
My greatest treasures came about one a year or so apart, from John in 1958 to Paul in 1968, with Jane, Michael, Julie, Rick, Bob, Pete, and Mary in between. And they in turn have added additional treasures. Never could I have guessed that God would be so good in giving such treasures and giving them the world’s most outstanding mother and grandmother.
Yes, indeed, I could fill many pages about my greatest treasures, their mother, and their wonderful grandparents, grandma Florence and Grandma Mickley, both of happy memory.
Latin and Religion
When I came back from the Korean War, I taught junior high for a year and spent a decade as a high school Latin teacher, working on my masters in Latin and spending a summer in Rome studying Latin and archeology on a scholarship.
That all came after I sent many years in a religious community learning Latin (sixteen semesters of it) and religion and getting a basic classical education and ministry training that have served me so well all these years.
Sexuality at 15
When I was 15, the specter of sexuality already was haunting my young life (as a Roman Catholic seminarian). So when we had our couple of weeks at home that summer, I asked my mom to take me to see Dr. Graham, whom I knew to be a Protestant doctor.
In the privacy of Dr. Graham’s clinic, I told him about the terrible “illness’ that was gripping me, and it was so sinful, so shameful, so embarrassing. I just knew I was the only disgusting person in that religious house who was overpowered by this awful condition.
“I just can’t keep from doing it,” I told him. “No matter how much I pray before the altar of Our Blessed Mother, even if I put pebbles in my shoes for pain and penance and punishment, it still happens every week.”
The priests I confessed to were wonderful men of God who have gone now to their reward, but they could not be described as empathic with me in my illness. Sometimes silent, but never explaining human nature to me.
Dr. Graham, on the other hand, with the most kindly eyes and caring tones, did explain things to me. “Young man, you can pray all you want, but pebbles in your shoes are not prescribed in this situation. You don’t have an illness. You are normal. It may help you to know that any student in your school who does not ‘do it’ is probably not normal. No doubt, they are all doing it. Don’t ever think you are the only one. And probably the teachers do it, too.”
After that startling revelation, I felt like saying, “My God, Doc, the teachers are all priests.” I just kept quiet because I knew that being a Protestant, he did not understand about priestly celibacy.
But, for me, his explanation of psychology was reassuring. You can believe that his “secret information” was a big boost for mental health, if not for my spirituality.
Integration of Sexuality and Spirituality
It was many many years later that I began to learn and teach about integrating (uniting) sexuality and spirituality. The good priests in my society were not able to teach that. It was not their theology. Now they have more guidelines from the Vatican (this one just this week), “A 2005 Vatican document said men with "deep-seated" homosexual tendencies shouldn't be ordained, but that those with a "transitory problem" could become priests if they had overcome them for three years. The Vatican considers homosexual activity sinful.The new guidelines reflect the earlier teaching, stressing that if a future priest shows "deep-seated homosexual tendencies," his seminary training "would have to be interrupted."The guidelines say priests must have a "positive and stable sense of one's masculine identity" and the capacity to "integrate his sexuality in accordance" with the obligation of celibacy.” Yes, if they only knew how to do that positively without all their sex negative prejudice.
Having written some 200 pamphlets and books by now on such subjects, I quickly look back at some of the influences that help bring me to this point in my life.
Spirituality
My spirituality was indeed positively formed by all those years in the religious order (with a positive bottom line in spite of the sex negative theology.)
The Cusilllo
Probably the next big influence was the Cursillo movement, which convinced me, then as a lay person, that Christianity can work and is a really powerful spirituality. Having served several years in a national leadership role, I was able to help spread the influence of the Cursillo throughout the United States.
Ralph Martin and Steve Clark
Through the Cursillo I met Ralph Martin and Steve Clark (authors well-known in the Catholic reading world, but close personal friends of mine as I was deeply influenced by their personal spirituality (though they had xero tolerance for same sex love). I still see Ralph Martin bringing inspiring messages to thousands televised on EWTN and FamilyLand TV.(as he did when we traveled around the US conducting seminars in the 60’s).
I was with them as they founded the wide-spread Catholic Charismatic Movement from Michigan to around the globe. I was with them, on the team, as they developed the original Life in the Spirit Seminar. I benefited a lot from them and the movement.
Sexuality
I got a lot of help with my sexuality from Dr. Charles Kuell in Van Nuys, CA. He tutored me through my doctoral program in clinical psychology with emphasis on same-sex relationship. I attended his “group therapy” sessions for gay men for years, and that experience became the inspiration for my more than ten years leadership of the Gay Men’s Support Group here in Manila.
Reading Fr. John McNeil’s books and Fr, Normal Pittenger’s books, and many more sex-positive theologians, helped me integrate my knowledge of psychology, my experience of spirituality, and personally begin to attain a balanced life of integrated spirituality and sexuality (and finally be in a position to help others in the process.
Experiences
Yes, in the 8 decades, I have lived through the lifetime of Dr. Martin Luther King
a little more than 4 decades ago, Then the dynamic founding of MCC by the Rev.Troy Perry, just 40 years.
Troy Perry
Then the inspiring opportunity to work side by side with the living prophet of the LGBT movement, Troy Perry, in his office for several years and actually produce the monthly magazine which spread the good news of his spiritual movement to integrate spirituality and sexuality with the underlying message of God’s unfailing unconditional love, and working side by side with such spiritual giants as Fr. Paul Breton (wise counsel and support) and, of course Rev Troy Perry, Rev. Charlie Arehart, Bishop Stan Harris, Rev. John Fowler and so many others.
The Gay Liberation Movement
MCC was founded in 1968, a year before the Stonewall riots which began the gay and lesbian movement. Within a year after Stonewall, I joined The Gay Liberation Movement in 1970, and have been in it, under various names, ever since.
The Path to Manila
I had the opportunity, after several years working at the bedside of persons with AIDS in Los Angles, to work with the wonderful people of new Zealand as pastor of MCC for several years.
Then it was off to Manila where there was no one available to spread the Good news that God Smiles upon our love. I came here for an exploratory visit in 1991, not knowing a soul. After five weeks, 40 some people signed a petition for me to come back and officially start the work here. On September 7, 1991, I came back and founded MCC Manila, which became the first openly gay and lesbian organization in the country.
The First Gay and Lesbian Pride March in Asia
In i994 Oscar Atadero, a officer of Progay Philippines which had begun functioning in Manila, was also an officer in MCC. We began talking about Stonewall, and, noting that it was the 25th anniversary of Stonewall, we convinced ourselves and our administrative bodies that it was time to bring Stonewall to the Philippines.
I had proudly marched down the streets in huge Pride marches in LA, (and highly spirited ones in New Zealand ) where they had been happening and growing ever since the first anniversary of Stonewall in 1970.
It was time. So Progay and MCC cosponsored the first Pride March in Manila on June 26, 1994, and it turned out to be also the first Pride March in Asia. I gave the keynote speech and celebrated a Pride Mass in Quezon Memorial Circle.
Publicity and Action
The massive publicity generated by that small beginning brought about a wildfire of activity through the country, which saw media appearances by me and many others, the founding of more LGBT organizations, and the awakening of a an LGBT movement in the country.
This year Task Force Pride. of which we are founding members, is celebrating its 10th year of sponsorship and the 14th Manila Pride March.
Barach Obama: Overcoming Prejudice
My heart leaps for joy this week. Around the world it has been like New Year’s Eve, Milennium New Year’s Eve, as blacks in Kenya celebrate, Indonesians rejoice in Jakarta, tens of thousands explode with frenzy in New York, tens of thousands shake rattle and roll with excitement in Chicago – and around the world. Commentators say they have never seen anything like it the day after an election. Barach Obama, a Democrat, an African American, has been elected President of the United States.
Those of us who have experienced homophobia can imagine what it must be like to experience prejudice in a predominantly white country. Politics. I am decidedly a Democrat. I was very much for Hilary. When Barach got more votes than she did, I was still a Democrat. The Republicans are the enemy in many ways. Because of them I do not have Veterans Health care in the Philippines (outside US soil). They, with their conservative majority, have never been anything but enemies of LGBT people.
Nelson Mandela
I have lived to see Nelson Mandela, another great idol of freedom and justice, get out of prison and become president of the country which put him in prison (for 27 years) for being Black.
I have lived to see the barriers of discrimination broken, at least there. And. 42 years after Martin Luther King delivered his immortal “I have a Dream” speech in Washington, D.C, a black man has become president of the United States
Discrimination in California and the Philippines
I have lived to see Discrimination perpetuation on the same election day in California where the people voted to discriminate against equal marriage for same-sex couples, after the Supreme Court had ruled that non-equal marriage was non-equal rights of citizens. It is no surprise that the majority voted to take away the rights of the minority. It is a surprise that Barach Obama was elected on the same day as the people of California discriminated against LGBT people.
I live in the country which is the only country in the world which does not have divorce. It is caused by the same forces which deny the people of this country the right to get out of something that does not work (as every other country in the world has done)(might does not make right, nor does a majority, but if every country in the world recognizes the human need for divorce, that is a strong testimony about human nature and human need).
These are the same forces which defeated the ballot issue which perpetuated discrimination against LGBT people in California. It is the Catholic bishops, who cowtowed and catered to Ferdinand Marcos’s dictatorship and begged him not to allow divorce, also fought equal rights in California, and are fighting the reproductive health bill in the Congress, who blocked even the anti-discrimination bill, which we hoped for through the last decade. (I testified numerous times in congress. We did not ask for any special rights, or anything to do with marriage or co-habitation – just protection from discrimination – and they crushed it with their oppressive power.) Might does not make right.
Barach Obama
I never thought I would live to see a Black man President of the United States. I never thought I would live to see even one country recognize equal marriage for all its people. But I have not only seen Barach Obama elected, but I have lived to see five countries (The Netherlands, Belgium, Spain, Canada, South Africa) and two States of the US recognize equal marriage rights. And I have lived to see the majority people of California take that way from the minority people of California. Might does not make right.
I have lived to see a lot, certainly too much to retell here. Maybe in my memoirs. Maybe in a series of memoir blogs after I retire. When can I retire? Would I ever even think of it. Nature may be the one to decide. I have never had a treadmill test. I have never had a physical exam like executives have. I don’t know what the future holds. It occurred to me that some old men develop limitations.
The Rev. Ceejay Agbayani
For the last several years, I played a minor role in sponsoring a young man, C. J. Agbayani in seminary. This former Franciscan and member of our Order, studied full time at the prestigious Union Theological Seminary in the province near Manila and persevered to get his Master of Divinity (M.Div) degree.
He attended a Methodist and United Church of Christ Seminary as an openly gay man and an open Catholic. He held his head high and, got his degree and was ordained by MCC, the Rev. Ceejay Agbayani. He had a right to hold his head high. He hung in there against all odds. And made it. And founded a church, MCC Quezon City, 15 years after I founded the “mother church,” MCC Manila.
I am very proud of Ceejay. I have begun to work with him as my backup in the wedding ministry. Three years ago, I was in hospital for two weeks and could not get out for a scheduled wedding which really upset the plans of the couple.
So now, Rev. Ceejay will be available to step in in situations like that. But, gradually, perhaps I will turn over the entire wedding business to this dynamic disciple, filled with the Spirit of ministry. God is blessing his zeal. I will not in any way interfere or be connected with his pastoral ministry. But I will refer wedding ministry to him.
Ordained a bishop
I have lived to receive the fullness of the priesthood in my ordination to the Holy Orders of Bishop through the trust and confidence of Bishop James Burch of the Catholic Diocese of One Spirit. As Bishop of the Catholic Diocese of One Spirit, Philippines, I have been able to offer ordination to the priesthood in apostolic succession to qualified Order of St. Aelred Seminary graduates. See my blog, “Thankful to be a Priest (Novemeber 9, 2008).”
Conclusion
Thus, through my publications, through the thousands I have talked to in university symposia and various seminars and conferences, through the millions I have talked to on television, and through the hundreds of partners, relatives, and guests I have talked with in Holy Union settings, through ten years of regular Gay Mens Support Group meetings every Friday evening, through the prayers and ministry of the Order of St. Aelred, I have tried to do my best to spread the good news that our God is the author of both spirituality and sexuality, that our God is Love, and our God is smiling on our love, that our God invites us into friendship because our God is not only Love, but, as St. Aelred says, our God is Friendship.
How can I thank and express my love and friendship for the hundreds of friends throughout the world in our network of friends who have been at the very nerve center of my life and ministry through the years. I cannot even begin to mention names. If I did, I would want to start with my friends who are living with HIV, and then I would want to mention David and all in our group here, and then Peter and Roy, who were here for friendship and a Holy Union many years ago, but are together now in Saudi Arabia. If I wanted a really fitting epitaph, I would ask that every one, all the hundreds, of your names be placed on my “epitaph.” That would be a reminder and would begin to say what you have done for me.
And last and most, through the support and constant help and encouragement of my personal partner, though very busy in his professional career, I have been indeed blesssed with a very fulfilling decade together. For that and for him, I am prayerfully grateful.
I have to stop here, not the end of my memoirs, but the stopping point of this much longer than expected bit of sharing.
In Friendship,
Richard at 80
At 80, Thankful to be a Priest
Thankful to Be a Priest
Father Richard R. Mickley, O.S.Ae., Ph.D., abbot of the St. Aelred Friendship Society, bishop of the Catholic Diocese of One Spirit.
Leaning on the threshold of my 80th birthday, I have been thinking of the things I am thankful for. Among many persons and things I am thankful for, I am thankful to be a priest in the one, holy, catholic, and apostolic church of Jesus Christ.
By the time I was 10 years old, I was sure God was calling me to be a priest. And by the grace of God, there was a sign. I wanted very much to be an altar boy, but in those days altar boys had to memorize a long list of Latin prayers. Memorizing was always a problem for me – and now in Latin! (Years later I became a Latin teacher, but at the age of 10, it was indeed a challenge.)
With the grace of God and the patience of the senior altar boy, who was assigned to teach me, Stewart Sidell (later Dr. Stewart Sidell, M.D.), I learned all those Latin prayers by heart – and we weren’t allowed to use cue cards. When the priest said in Latin, “I will go unto the altar of God,” it was my cue to respond in Latin, “Ad Deum Qui laetificat juventutem meam…to God who gives joy to my youth….”
I felt that joy then, and really forever after as God led me, guided me, directed me through a long, sometimes circuitous, sometimes road-blocked path to the day when I would say officially, “I go unto the altar of God…”
I praise and thank God for the calling and the joy of sharing in the priesthood of Jesus Christ. What an awesome responsibility – to have the children of God turn to one, not only for God’s blessing, but for guidance on the path to union with God.
The privilege of standing at the altar and praying those words Jesus chose to make it possible for the priest to bring the very presence of Jesus on the altar and to be united with his friends. That privilege alone makes the priesthood an unbounded gift of God. Each of the thousands of times I have stood at the altar and prayed those words of Jesus, “This is My Body,” I have been filled with awe by the power of God acting through me.
And what a joy to officiate as a priest at Baptism, and to give assurance to God’s children that God forgives them when they confess their failings to God, and to bring the message of God’s unconditional love to all God’s people with no exceptions, and to be the one who anoints the hand and holds the hand of one who is about to depart this world and live forever in the eternal embrace of God’s friendship. And, yes, for me to experience over and over the joy of proclaiming God’s blessing for those who come together in love for a wedded and holy union.
Late in life, through the trust and kindness of Bishop James Burch, I was honored with the fullness of the priesthood by ordination with apostolic succession as a bishop in the one, holy, catholic, and apostolic church of Jesus Christ, and grateful as I am for that opportunity to serve God’s people, no privilege will ever surpass the privilege of offering one Mass as a priest of God
Even as I strive conscientiously to assume the very personality of the ever-loving, ever-giving Jesus Christ whom I serve, I can never be sufficiently thankful for the most sacred trust and privilege and responsibility of being “another Christ.” To God I commend all those men, women, children, gay, lesbian, bisexual, heterosexual down through the years whom God has given me the privilege of serving in some way for well over a half a century.
Thanks be to God.
Father Richard R. Mickley, O.S.Ae., Ph.D., abbot of the St. Aelred Friendship Society, bishop of the Catholic Diocese of One Spirit.
Leaning on the threshold of my 80th birthday, I have been thinking of the things I am thankful for. Among many persons and things I am thankful for, I am thankful to be a priest in the one, holy, catholic, and apostolic church of Jesus Christ.
By the time I was 10 years old, I was sure God was calling me to be a priest. And by the grace of God, there was a sign. I wanted very much to be an altar boy, but in those days altar boys had to memorize a long list of Latin prayers. Memorizing was always a problem for me – and now in Latin! (Years later I became a Latin teacher, but at the age of 10, it was indeed a challenge.)
With the grace of God and the patience of the senior altar boy, who was assigned to teach me, Stewart Sidell (later Dr. Stewart Sidell, M.D.), I learned all those Latin prayers by heart – and we weren’t allowed to use cue cards. When the priest said in Latin, “I will go unto the altar of God,” it was my cue to respond in Latin, “Ad Deum Qui laetificat juventutem meam…to God who gives joy to my youth….”
I felt that joy then, and really forever after as God led me, guided me, directed me through a long, sometimes circuitous, sometimes road-blocked path to the day when I would say officially, “I go unto the altar of God…”
I praise and thank God for the calling and the joy of sharing in the priesthood of Jesus Christ. What an awesome responsibility – to have the children of God turn to one, not only for God’s blessing, but for guidance on the path to union with God.
The privilege of standing at the altar and praying those words Jesus chose to make it possible for the priest to bring the very presence of Jesus on the altar and to be united with his friends. That privilege alone makes the priesthood an unbounded gift of God. Each of the thousands of times I have stood at the altar and prayed those words of Jesus, “This is My Body,” I have been filled with awe by the power of God acting through me.
And what a joy to officiate as a priest at Baptism, and to give assurance to God’s children that God forgives them when they confess their failings to God, and to bring the message of God’s unconditional love to all God’s people with no exceptions, and to be the one who anoints the hand and holds the hand of one who is about to depart this world and live forever in the eternal embrace of God’s friendship. And, yes, for me to experience over and over the joy of proclaiming God’s blessing for those who come together in love for a wedded and holy union.
Late in life, through the trust and kindness of Bishop James Burch, I was honored with the fullness of the priesthood by ordination with apostolic succession as a bishop in the one, holy, catholic, and apostolic church of Jesus Christ, and grateful as I am for that opportunity to serve God’s people, no privilege will ever surpass the privilege of offering one Mass as a priest of God
Even as I strive conscientiously to assume the very personality of the ever-loving, ever-giving Jesus Christ whom I serve, I can never be sufficiently thankful for the most sacred trust and privilege and responsibility of being “another Christ.” To God I commend all those men, women, children, gay, lesbian, bisexual, heterosexual down through the years whom God has given me the privilege of serving in some way for well over a half a century.
Thanks be to God.
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