Octogenarian Musings

I’ve been thinking about jotting down and blogging a few thoughts for my birthday this month.

An Epitaph

I got sidetracked a few minutes yesterday when an Inquirer columnist wrote her own epitaph. Pondered it awhile. I remembered the prayer we said every night in seminary when I was 13 and 14 years old “Life is short, and death is sure. The hour of death remains obscure. Waste not your time, while time shall last, for after death, tis ever past.” Morbid then. But I tried to live by that for the next 70 years, and it doesn’t seem morbid at all now.

That’s just the way it is.

And I decided not to write any more epitaph, Let me just quote today’s message to me from one of my best friends in the world, Fr. Paul in California: “Today's Message of the Day is: Life is short. Break the rules. Forgive quickly. Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here, we should dance”(That ought to make all the hard shell conservatives smile.}

Born in Danville

It’s true that 80 years have passed since that day at 4:00 in the afternoon on November 12, 1928 on Mickley Street in Danville in the hills of Ohio when Clara Mae Hammond Mickley, wife of Raymond Albert Mickley, brought forth her first born (of ten). A year earlier both had finished a year or two of college (she at Ohio Weslyan and he at Ohio University) and they decided to get married. They had met in high school where Clara rode her horse and buggy to school and Raymond walked to school (the same school that still stands in the center of Danville).

What’s memorable

What’s memorable for me in the eight decades since that day? I could not answer that in 80 pages. I will just go back to my original idea – and jot down a few thoughts.


My siblings

I have always cherished my nine siblings – and their multiple offspring. I was born a year and a month after the marriage of my parents on october 12, 1927. Every one of nine siblingsw, a success in their careers, from wife of the long time mayor of our hometown, to the retired state parole officer and university professor. Three achieved high levels in the professional plumbing profession; an advanced level carpenter, a retired colonel of the United Air Force. Their judgment of me: best educated, poorest.

My Greatest Treasures

My greatest treasures came about one a year or so apart, from John in 1958 to Paul in 1968, with Jane, Michael, Julie, Rick, Bob, Pete, and Mary in between. And they in turn have added additional treasures. Never could I have guessed that God would be so good in giving such treasures and giving them the world’s most outstanding mother and grandmother.

Yes, indeed, I could fill many pages about my greatest treasures, their mother, and their wonderful grandparents, grandma Florence and Grandma Mickley, both of happy memory.

Latin and Religion

When I came back from the Korean War, I taught junior high for a year and spent a decade as a high school Latin teacher, working on my masters in Latin and spending a summer in Rome studying Latin and archeology on a scholarship.

That all came after I sent many years in a religious community learning Latin (sixteen semesters of it) and religion and getting a basic classical education and ministry training that have served me so well all these years.

Sexuality at 15

When I was 15, the specter of sexuality already was haunting my young life (as a Roman Catholic seminarian). So when we had our couple of weeks at home that summer, I asked my mom to take me to see Dr. Graham, whom I knew to be a Protestant doctor.

In the privacy of Dr. Graham’s clinic, I told him about the terrible “illness’ that was gripping me, and it was so sinful, so shameful, so embarrassing. I just knew I was the only disgusting person in that religious house who was overpowered by this awful condition.

“I just can’t keep from doing it,” I told him. “No matter how much I pray before the altar of Our Blessed Mother, even if I put pebbles in my shoes for pain and penance and punishment, it still happens every week.”

The priests I confessed to were wonderful men of God who have gone now to their reward, but they could not be described as empathic with me in my illness. Sometimes silent, but never explaining human nature to me.

Dr. Graham, on the other hand, with the most kindly eyes and caring tones, did explain things to me. “Young man, you can pray all you want, but pebbles in your shoes are not prescribed in this situation. You don’t have an illness. You are normal. It may help you to know that any student in your school who does not ‘do it’ is probably not normal. No doubt, they are all doing it. Don’t ever think you are the only one. And probably the teachers do it, too.”

After that startling revelation, I felt like saying, “My God, Doc, the teachers are all priests.” I just kept quiet because I knew that being a Protestant, he did not understand about priestly celibacy.

But, for me, his explanation of psychology was reassuring. You can believe that his “secret information” was a big boost for mental health, if not for my spirituality.

Integration of Sexuality and Spirituality

It was many many years later that I began to learn and teach about integrating (uniting) sexuality and spirituality. The good priests in my society were not able to teach that. It was not their theology. Now they have more guidelines from the Vatican (this one just this week), “A 2005 Vatican document said men with "deep-seated" homosexual tendencies shouldn't be ordained, but that those with a "transitory problem" could become priests if they had overcome them for three years. The Vatican considers homosexual activity sinful.The new guidelines reflect the earlier teaching, stressing that if a future priest shows "deep-seated homosexual tendencies," his seminary training "would have to be interrupted."The guidelines say priests must have a "positive and stable sense of one's masculine identity" and the capacity to "integrate his sexuality in accordance" with the obligation of celibacy.” Yes, if they only knew how to do that positively without all their sex negative prejudice.

Having written some 200 pamphlets and books by now on such subjects, I quickly look back at some of the influences that help bring me to this point in my life.


Spirituality

My spirituality was indeed positively formed by all those years in the religious order (with a positive bottom line in spite of the sex negative theology.)

The Cusilllo
Probably the next big influence was the Cursillo movement, which convinced me, then as a lay person, that Christianity can work and is a really powerful spirituality. Having served several years in a national leadership role, I was able to help spread the influence of the Cursillo throughout the United States.


Ralph Martin and Steve Clark
Through the Cursillo I met Ralph Martin and Steve Clark (authors well-known in the Catholic reading world, but close personal friends of mine as I was deeply influenced by their personal spirituality (though they had xero tolerance for same sex love). I still see Ralph Martin bringing inspiring messages to thousands televised on EWTN and FamilyLand TV.(as he did when we traveled around the US conducting seminars in the 60’s).

I was with them as they founded the wide-spread Catholic Charismatic Movement from Michigan to around the globe. I was with them, on the team, as they developed the original Life in the Spirit Seminar. I benefited a lot from them and the movement.

Sexuality

I got a lot of help with my sexuality from Dr. Charles Kuell in Van Nuys, CA. He tutored me through my doctoral program in clinical psychology with emphasis on same-sex relationship. I attended his “group therapy” sessions for gay men for years, and that experience became the inspiration for my more than ten years leadership of the Gay Men’s Support Group here in Manila.

Reading Fr. John McNeil’s books and Fr, Normal Pittenger’s books, and many more sex-positive theologians, helped me integrate my knowledge of psychology, my experience of spirituality, and personally begin to attain a balanced life of integrated spirituality and sexuality (and finally be in a position to help others in the process.

Experiences

Yes, in the 8 decades, I have lived through the lifetime of Dr. Martin Luther King
a little more than 4 decades ago, Then the dynamic founding of MCC by the Rev.Troy Perry, just 40 years.

Troy Perry

Then the inspiring opportunity to work side by side with the living prophet of the LGBT movement, Troy Perry, in his office for several years and actually produce the monthly magazine which spread the good news of his spiritual movement to integrate spirituality and sexuality with the underlying message of God’s unfailing unconditional love, and working side by side with such spiritual giants as Fr. Paul Breton (wise counsel and support) and, of course Rev Troy Perry, Rev. Charlie Arehart, Bishop Stan Harris, Rev. John Fowler and so many others.

The Gay Liberation Movement

MCC was founded in 1968, a year before the Stonewall riots which began the gay and lesbian movement. Within a year after Stonewall, I joined The Gay Liberation Movement in 1970, and have been in it, under various names, ever since.

The Path to Manila

I had the opportunity, after several years working at the bedside of persons with AIDS in Los Angles, to work with the wonderful people of new Zealand as pastor of MCC for several years.

Then it was off to Manila where there was no one available to spread the Good news that God Smiles upon our love. I came here for an exploratory visit in 1991, not knowing a soul. After five weeks, 40 some people signed a petition for me to come back and officially start the work here. On September 7, 1991, I came back and founded MCC Manila, which became the first openly gay and lesbian organization in the country.

The First Gay and Lesbian Pride March in Asia

In i994 Oscar Atadero, a officer of Progay Philippines which had begun functioning in Manila, was also an officer in MCC. We began talking about Stonewall, and, noting that it was the 25th anniversary of Stonewall, we convinced ourselves and our administrative bodies that it was time to bring Stonewall to the Philippines.

I had proudly marched down the streets in huge Pride marches in LA, (and highly spirited ones in New Zealand ) where they had been happening and growing ever since the first anniversary of Stonewall in 1970.

It was time. So Progay and MCC cosponsored the first Pride March in Manila on June 26, 1994, and it turned out to be also the first Pride March in Asia. I gave the keynote speech and celebrated a Pride Mass in Quezon Memorial Circle.

Publicity and Action

The massive publicity generated by that small beginning brought about a wildfire of activity through the country, which saw media appearances by me and many others, the founding of more LGBT organizations, and the awakening of a an LGBT movement in the country.

This year Task Force Pride. of which we are founding members, is celebrating its 10th year of sponsorship and the 14th Manila Pride March.

Barach Obama: Overcoming Prejudice

My heart leaps for joy this week. Around the world it has been like New Year’s Eve, Milennium New Year’s Eve, as blacks in Kenya celebrate, Indonesians rejoice in Jakarta, tens of thousands explode with frenzy in New York, tens of thousands shake rattle and roll with excitement in Chicago – and around the world. Commentators say they have never seen anything like it the day after an election. Barach Obama, a Democrat, an African American, has been elected President of the United States.

Those of us who have experienced homophobia can imagine what it must be like to experience prejudice in a predominantly white country. Politics. I am decidedly a Democrat. I was very much for Hilary. When Barach got more votes than she did, I was still a Democrat. The Republicans are the enemy in many ways. Because of them I do not have Veterans Health care in the Philippines (outside US soil). They, with their conservative majority, have never been anything but enemies of LGBT people.

Nelson Mandela

I have lived to see Nelson Mandela, another great idol of freedom and justice, get out of prison and become president of the country which put him in prison (for 27 years) for being Black.

I have lived to see the barriers of discrimination broken, at least there. And. 42 years after Martin Luther King delivered his immortal “I have a Dream” speech in Washington, D.C, a black man has become president of the United States


Discrimination in California and the Philippines

I have lived to see Discrimination perpetuation on the same election day in California where the people voted to discriminate against equal marriage for same-sex couples, after the Supreme Court had ruled that non-equal marriage was non-equal rights of citizens. It is no surprise that the majority voted to take away the rights of the minority. It is a surprise that Barach Obama was elected on the same day as the people of California discriminated against LGBT people.

I live in the country which is the only country in the world which does not have divorce. It is caused by the same forces which deny the people of this country the right to get out of something that does not work (as every other country in the world has done)(might does not make right, nor does a majority, but if every country in the world recognizes the human need for divorce, that is a strong testimony about human nature and human need).

These are the same forces which defeated the ballot issue which perpetuated discrimination against LGBT people in California. It is the Catholic bishops, who cowtowed and catered to Ferdinand Marcos’s dictatorship and begged him not to allow divorce, also fought equal rights in California, and are fighting the reproductive health bill in the Congress, who blocked even the anti-discrimination bill, which we hoped for through the last decade. (I testified numerous times in congress. We did not ask for any special rights, or anything to do with marriage or co-habitation – just protection from discrimination – and they crushed it with their oppressive power.) Might does not make right.


Barach Obama

I never thought I would live to see a Black man President of the United States. I never thought I would live to see even one country recognize equal marriage for all its people. But I have not only seen Barach Obama elected, but I have lived to see five countries (The Netherlands, Belgium, Spain, Canada, South Africa) and two States of the US recognize equal marriage rights. And I have lived to see the majority people of California take that way from the minority people of California. Might does not make right.

I have lived to see a lot, certainly too much to retell here. Maybe in my memoirs. Maybe in a series of memoir blogs after I retire. When can I retire? Would I ever even think of it. Nature may be the one to decide. I have never had a treadmill test. I have never had a physical exam like executives have. I don’t know what the future holds. It occurred to me that some old men develop limitations.

The Rev. Ceejay Agbayani

For the last several years, I played a minor role in sponsoring a young man, C. J. Agbayani in seminary. This former Franciscan and member of our Order, studied full time at the prestigious Union Theological Seminary in the province near Manila and persevered to get his Master of Divinity (M.Div) degree.

He attended a Methodist and United Church of Christ Seminary as an openly gay man and an open Catholic. He held his head high and, got his degree and was ordained by MCC, the Rev. Ceejay Agbayani. He had a right to hold his head high. He hung in there against all odds. And made it. And founded a church, MCC Quezon City, 15 years after I founded the “mother church,” MCC Manila.

I am very proud of Ceejay. I have begun to work with him as my backup in the wedding ministry. Three years ago, I was in hospital for two weeks and could not get out for a scheduled wedding which really upset the plans of the couple.

So now, Rev. Ceejay will be available to step in in situations like that. But, gradually, perhaps I will turn over the entire wedding business to this dynamic disciple, filled with the Spirit of ministry. God is blessing his zeal. I will not in any way interfere or be connected with his pastoral ministry. But I will refer wedding ministry to him.

Ordained a bishop

I have lived to receive the fullness of the priesthood in my ordination to the Holy Orders of Bishop through the trust and confidence of Bishop James Burch of the Catholic Diocese of One Spirit. As Bishop of the Catholic Diocese of One Spirit, Philippines, I have been able to offer ordination to the priesthood in apostolic succession to qualified Order of St. Aelred Seminary graduates. See my blog, “Thankful to be a Priest (Novemeber 9, 2008).”



Conclusion

Thus, through my publications, through the thousands I have talked to in university symposia and various seminars and conferences, through the millions I have talked to on television, and through the hundreds of partners, relatives, and guests I have talked with in Holy Union settings, through ten years of regular Gay Mens Support Group meetings every Friday evening, through the prayers and ministry of the Order of St. Aelred, I have tried to do my best to spread the good news that our God is the author of both spirituality and sexuality, that our God is Love, and our God is smiling on our love, that our God invites us into friendship because our God is not only Love, but, as St. Aelred says, our God is Friendship.

How can I thank and express my love and friendship for the hundreds of friends throughout the world in our network of friends who have been at the very nerve center of my life and ministry through the years. I cannot even begin to mention names. If I did, I would want to start with my friends who are living with HIV, and then I would want to mention David and all in our group here, and then Peter and Roy, who were here for friendship and a Holy Union many years ago, but are together now in Saudi Arabia. If I wanted a really fitting epitaph, I would ask that every one, all the hundreds, of your names be placed on my “epitaph.” That would be a reminder and would begin to say what you have done for me.

And last and most, through the support and constant help and encouragement of my personal partner, though very busy in his professional career, I have been indeed blesssed with a very fulfilling decade together. For that and for him, I am prayerfully grateful.

I have to stop here, not the end of my memoirs, but the stopping point of this much longer than expected bit of sharing.

In Friendship,
Richard at 80