Well, I have been remiss. This is my first blog for several months, but since it is my 81st birthday, I thought I had better get my act together and stop all the other hyper activity and sit down and update you.
I picked you, because I just can’t have a personal contact with all the 2,887 on my Gmail contact list, and regretfully I have not looked at the Hotmail and Yahoo lists for a long time (not to mention my Facebook). And I already appreciate the advance birthday greetings from so many.
Uppermost on my mind is the surgery that my dear daughter Jane (who lives with her loving husband in Pontiac, Michigan) will be having on November 12, my 81st birthday. She will be having a non malignant tumor removed. At the same time, her youngest sister, my Mary, who lives with her husband in Palm Springs, is battling breast cancer. I indeed implore your prayers for these beloved ones of mine.
You wonder what hyperactivity keeps me so busy (ain’t I supposed to be at least semi-retired?). Well the work goes on, to my great delight, in several areas.
People keep coming to me from all over the archipelago for their wedding. Sometimes the wedding is in my little chapel; sometimes locally, sometimes in a far away city or resort in Luzon, and then sometimes in Mindanao. A Holy Union is a sacrament, so I consider it and deal with it as an important ministry of the church. It is not just a simple, “I pronounce + you…” It is an opportunity to discuss many important issues related to their relationship and commitment and the expression of their love in fitting ways. Some of my protégés and seminarians are equally enthusiastic about this ministry, and preparing to let me retire in the next 20 years.
Hospital work, bereavement, and counseling never ends, and it is indeed another joy to be there when being there is important to the individual.
Prayer time, wonderful refreshing prayer time with prayer companions, especially with my prayer companion, Argel, with members of the Order of St. Aelred, prayer and spiritual reading can never be neglected. I can’t brag about it, and wish there were more.
Meetings and tutorial sessions with seminarians in St. Aelred Seminary are always looked forward to. Their enthusiasm for learning, their eagerness for ministry is a joy to participate in. Some are attending other seminaries as well, and text or email me often to share new theological or scriptural insights they have experienced.
Because of our website, copious email comes in everyday, contacts, inquiries, questions, requests for prayers and counselling. (By the way, check my new domain, below, since Yahoo suddenly closed down Geocities.)
I am proud to be an Amicus (contact member) of the Precious Blood Missionaries with whom I gratefully remember spending so many years of my formation and early religious life, and I receive all their mailings and information about their vibrant ministry in today’s world and about my contemporaries in advanced ages. [So long ago the superiors did not understand about sexuality and they, suspecting that I was gay, that mysterious “thing” in those days, suggested I go back to the world and find a lovely wife, which I did. Nowadays, that same religious society has priests assigned to LGBT ministry, not as outcasts, but as Catholic men and women deserving Catholic ministry.]
I am proud to be associated with Bishop Jim Burch, presiding bishop of the Catholic Diocese of One Spirit, (who lives in Virginia) who has a vibrant heterosexual wedding ministry (especially for people who have been shunned or refused church weddings elsewhere).
I appreciate the ministerial support and friendship of my long time friend, Fr. Paul Breton in San Bernardino, CA. He not only sends us frequent updates on LGBT news from around the world, but is my personal advisor, in his wisdom and experience, on so many matters theological and pastoral.
I try every chance I get to worship, on Sunday, with my MCC friends in Manila, Quezon City, and now a new MCC in Cavite. Praise the Lord! Maybe when I was empowered by the Almighty Spirit of God to plant the first MCC in Manila on September 7, 1991, I did not have far reaching vision yet, but today when I see what the Lord is doing through vibrant young pastors in Manila, Quezon City, Dasmariñas, Cavite, and Baguio, I praise God that more or more of God’s beloved LGBT people are basking in God’s unconditional love and growing beautifully spiritually. I even take a little (hopefully not sinful) pride in the fact that three of the four young pastors were in one way or another protégés of mine.
I indulge, when I can, in watching Larry King Live. I do indeed attend, shall I say religiously, the daily mass on EWTN (either at 9 PM here or 6 AM). I have to listen to some sex-negative stuff all too often, but the beauty of the Mass, and even the parts they offer in Latin (I spent a dozen years of my life teaching Latin, and of course, love the language), is far more wonderful than worrying about the negative stuff.
Then there is time, hopefully every day, with my faithful partner of almost eleven years, always attentive to my needs and watchful of my excesses, although he is the one who is so devoted to his professional teaching career (preparation, etc), and his commendable regularity in yoga classes at the gym, that his “time together” is often more limited than mine, but that’s a good trade for having one of the best teachers anywhere. And his dear mother who lives with us three-fourths of the time, who is always praying when she is not cooking (and maybe while she is cooking). (I give her all the credit for my oversized stomach.)
Thanks to my wonderful ten years younger than I brother, Lon (Colonel Lon), who keeps me regularly in contact with my brothers and sisters by email. By the way, thanks to all who prayed for my brother Jim (four years younger) who is recovering nicely from his recent heart attack. Please keep my sister Marilyn, with her pacemaker, in your prayers.
In addition to the wonderful email contact from my dear Jane, the coach son, Rick, also keeps me posted on his life in Michigan and the athletic prowess of his sons, John and Jake.
If I ever entertain a thought about retiring, it’s to get more writing done. When I was in the Society of the Precious Blood (59 years ago), I published a mini biographical “novel” on the life of the founder, St. Gaspar del Bufalo. Now I want to finish in my lifetime a biographical novel on Dr. Jose Rizal, our national hero, my Filipino idol. And I want to write a biographical novel on the life of our beloved patron, St. Aelred of Rievaulx. All that’s in addition to more and more sex-positive material to enhance the 200 or so pieces I have already published.
God bless, in Friendship,
Richard
Our new website and information:
Fr. Richard R. Mickley, O.S.Ae., Ph.D.
Abbot
The Order of St. Aelred
St. Aelred Friendship Society
82-D Masikap Extension
Barangay Central, Quezon City
1100 Metro Manila, Philippines
Landline: 63 2 921 8273
Mobile: 63 920 9034909
E-mail: saintaelred@gmail.com
Website: http://webspace.webring.com/people/ms/saintaelred/index.html
E-group: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/saeffriends
Fr. Richard’s personal blog: http://richardrmickley.blogspot.com
Facebook
Plaxo
Friendster
Catholic Diocese of One Spirit (CDOS), Bishop Jim Burch, website: http://www.onespiritcatholic.org
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Mortality
Mortality Raises its Lovely Head Again
Some of my Friends have a comment, when I speak of my impending death, of saying. “Father, God needs you so much here; you are immortal.”
Yes, but. Yes, I shall live forever with God. But right now I have received another wakeup call that the transition is impending.
Yesterday I happened to catch the Larry King Live show. He devoted the whole hour to Prostate Cancer. One after the other, well-known figures with prostate cancer were interviewed or spoken about. One spoken about was Merv Griffin. He was told he had prostate cancer, and he said, ”I am off to a Mediterranean Cruise on my Yacht.” He soon died of prostate cancer.
The other people interviewed heeded the advice to have early detection and early treatment and live longer and never die of prostate cancer. Colin Powel, Mayor Guiliani, Billy Graham, and so many others. The key is regular PSA tests after age 40. I have had PSA tests. The last one was so good, my doctor triumphantly announced, “You don’t have cancer.” But my sin is that that was a couple of years ago. So that is why I call the Larry King show a wake call. Tine for another PSA.
I could be like Merv Griffin, but there really is still work to do. A woman texted me the other day. “Father I am dying of a cerebral aneurism and would like to have my wedding with my long time partner before I die.” I replied I would cooperate with her in that, but, I said, “I am dying, too. I just don’t know when. Don’t we all start toward dying the day we were born, because we really are not immortal on this earth.?” She texted back, “But, father, you are needed so much. You are the only one who understands us.” When I saw her I explained that we have seminarians who are preparing, slowly, to take my place, do my work, so I have to try to die slowly.
The first wake up call was when President Aquino died this month of Colon Cancer. I wrote about that, and said since I was a colon cancer survivor, I should go and have my overdue check up (colonoscopy). So, here I sit facing mortality, and what am I going to do? Lord, if it is Thy will, let the seminarians finish first. I want to be with you, but if you have more work for me to do, help me not to waste my time while time shall last.
My prayer companion sent me some more beautiful prayers by email today. Because he is working out of town now, we can’t kneel down and pray together as frequently as we did when he was in town. But still it is joy to pray long distance in the prayers of Jim Cotter, Michel Quoist, St. Alphonsus Liguori – in addition to the Prayer Book he and I compiled together some time ago.
Then I remembered I had already done some reflections on mortality which I decided to share with him – and you – today.
Some thoughts on vocation and mortality and sexuality
[I intend to tape record these words for possible use in connection with my wake and funeral. God willing.]
God called me at an early age to be keenly interested in the things of God. Even when I was too young to go to church every Sunday, I begged to be allowed to go with my devout parents. When I was in the second grade, my first Holy Communion started me on a path of religious enthusiasm. It was my first spiritual awakening, and the beginning of a life-long devotion to the Blessed Sacrament.
In the fifth grade I defended my faith against an anti-Catholic public school teacher. When I was in the sixth grade, the death of Pope Pius XI and the election of Pope Pius XII sparked my interest in the works of the universal church. Little did I know then that a couple of decades later I would thrill to the excitement of receiving the blessing of Pope Pius XII borne past me on the historic Sedia Gestatoria used by popes then to be carried into the Great St. Peter’s Basilica, the largest church in Christendom, for the weekly general audiences.
At 13 my parents allowed me to make the decision to enter the minor seminary to begin to tread the path toward the goal to which I was called, the holy priesthood. I donned the simple black cassock with pride. This time it was the daily uniform of my vocation –even though for years I had been wearing it to perform the duties of an altar boy in my hometown – every chance I got – a service dear to my young heart, serving Mass before school in the morning (after milking the cow at home) and serving mass in the Hospice for elderly people on Saturdays.
In the seminary I knelt daily in private prayer before the Blessed Sacrament or in front of the altar of the Blessed Mother, beseeching help from heaven to persevere and push forward in my studies and in my formation for ordination to the holy priesthood. It was my focus, my obsession, the path along which I was nudged by the very Spirit of God calling me.
Every night in our community evening prayer we impressionable teenage seminarians prayed a gruesome prayer which remained powerful in my mind and memory – and motivation – to this day into my old age. I call it gruesome because by psychological standards, it is deemed depressing. Be that as it may, even though later I became a doctor of psychology, that prayer was like a beacon challenging and motivating me from then until now.
Life is short, and death is sure,
The hour of death remains obscure;
A soul you have, and only one,
If that be lost, all hope is gone;
Waste not your time, while time shall last,
For after death tis ever past.
Actually the prayer went on for paragraph after paragraph in our little community prayer book. But that’s the part that stuck with me to this day.
Now, I have been a workaholic all my life. Perhaps I was born that way, but that prayer fed the drive in me: “Waste not your time, while time shall last.” I saw 12 long years ahead of me – studies in preparation for the priesthood. I was imbued with the drive to do all I could at this moment and then be ready to do all I can the next moment. Today sixty some years later, I cannot say it has always been a virtue, but that same impulse has driven me all through the years.
Today, after three quarters of a century, and not every goal has been attained, I realize the life ahead is shorter than the life which has gone before, so all the more reason to “waste not your time, while time shall last.” Pope John Paul II must have been driven by the same divine impulse. He was blessing the people until mere hours before his death, perhaps minutes.
Years later in the major seminary a priest professor told us that “most of the people in mental hospitals are there because of religion or sex. “ That was food for thought for even my more mature young mind, now in my 20’s. But it worried me, because neither that professor (a Ph.D. in psychology) nor the other priest-professors were trained or equipped to guide us along the path of sanity in sex, which of course, then overlapped into the area of sanity in religion. The tension was great. We were too young, too unguided, to know that sanity in religion and sex comes from the proper integration of spirituality and sexuality. In fact that was an unheard of concept in those days. Because of what happened to me there and what happened to me as my life evolved, the focus of my ministry in later years was just that: for myself and others: remaining in the friendship of God while bringing into union God’s great gifts of spirituality and sexuality.
In the seminary I was a sexual person. I prayed to “be delivered from this plague.” The counseling I received could be summed up in “Don’t masturbate.” I tried and nearly went crazy trying to control my need to masturbate and living with my totally deflated self esteem each time I succumbed to what I had been taught to believe was an “unchristian, abominable, unspeakable sin.”
Because they did not understand my sexuality, because they did not know how to counsel me in my integration of sexuality and spirituality, they advised me to leave the religious order and get married and “all would be all right.” That was inadequate counseling, and, of course it did violence to the calling I had received from God.
I was obedient. I was an unquestioning Catholic and did what I was told. Eight times God gave me the profound gift of new life – the inestimable joy of the father driving the mother and baby home from the hospital and stopping to pray at the parish church and dedicating the child at the altar of the Blessed Mother to God’s care through the protection and prayers of Jesus’ mother.
I taught religion to high school students in my hometown and pursued a path that led me to many valuable spiritual encounters . The first deeply spiritual experience was the Cursillo, both as a local leader and as a national leader where I worked with Ralph Martin (who is today a well-known Catholic televangelist) and Steve Clark (who today is recognized as a popular charismatic author), to the Catholic Charismatic movement as a pioneer with Ralph Martin and Steve Clark (with them, working with them as they "invented" the Life in the Spirit Seminar), while they were American national leaders of that movement. Through these and other experiences, among which was the great privilege of working for many years with the Rev. Troy Perry, a gifted and sincere man of God, finally beginning to learn to shape my life into the one unified spiritual and sexual life that God gave me. And that, then, became the focus of my mission.
Along the way, I made a lot of sexual mistakes, trying to learn the hard way, by hit and miss, doing it wrong, hurting people, and trying to lead others before I mastered the wholesome truth of God’s beautiful plan for our lives.
That plan, of course is that God loves me and us – unconditionally, as we are, having given us our yearning for friendship with God and our yearning for friendship with others and for intimacy in companionship. It’s not, as I was implicitly taught: spirituality, yes; and sexuality, no. It’s spirituality, yes, and sexuality yes. (Even those who, by God’s grace are celibate, are sexual.) We are all sexual, even when we are not genital.
But into my forties, it was taking a psychological toll. I did not realize then, but with later acquired psychological understandings, I realize that not being equipped to handle my sexuality and my spirituality simultaneously caused me to have less than wholesome mental health. I began to drink. In 1971 I admitted that I was an alcoholic, so I went to a Christian Rehabilitation Center in the mountains of upstate New York – and it was an experience that profoundly affected my life -- to this day.
It was outstanding in many ways, but, besides never another drink, two prominent elements of the program had a lasting impact on my life. The first was a spiritual experience that bolstered and fortified my effort to “Waste not” my time. The community taught me the Jesus Prayer and introduced me to the “The Way of the Pilgrim,” a novel about the secret of unending prayer, the Jesus Prayer method of practicing the presence of God. That simple historic prayer, “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me,” became my constant companion for the rest of my life. It not only carried the seed of all prayer, but gave me the springboard for trying to maintain a spirit of ceaseless prayer, filling in every otherwise “idle” moment with the name of Jesus, and almost unwittingly holding me to the ideal of “waste not your time while time shall last.”
The second element of the program at Eastridge Recovery Community was its giving me a solid grounding in the Twelve Steps of the Twelve Step recovery program. For the rest of my life my own spiritual life was affected by the Twelve Steps, “the most effective spiritual program ever invented by human beings” it has been called. Over and over again, through the years, I was able to propose the Twelve Step program for others with various kinds of addictions, alcohol, drugs, sexual impulsiveness, overeating, smoking, etc.
In short it took me decades with the help of therapy, the recovery program, and prayer to begin to function with integrity in a wholistic wellbeing that finally put the pieces together with spirituality and sexuality fully functioning in balance and harmony with all components of my God-given humanity.
The seventies brought the works of more and more scholars of sex-positive theology to publication and to the forefront of helping create a whole new climate – an alternative climate to the ignorance of the past, an alternative to the untenable, unbelievable, unworkable, unsound sex-negative approaches of the past, which, sad to say, still persists in the minds and teachings of such saintly people as Pope John Paul II.
[More work on this paragraph]
Thank God, early on I was able not only to read some of these great new scholars, but to meet some of them in person. With the help of emerging great spiritual writers, who had the same struggles in their own lives, great theologians, like Father John McNeill, and Father Norman Pittenger who learned to live their life integrating their friendship with God with the love of neighbor. And they wrote books about it.
I had the privilege of meeting these great men personally, of reading their books, and eventually reading the books of other scholars who dismantled the harmful and destructive powers of sex-negative theology and set me (and their other readers) on the path of realizing that God is the author of sex-positive theology. And therein lies our liberation and salvation from the crippling effects of the monolithic negative approach, “Don’t masturbate, Don’t use condoms, Don’t have sex except when married to make babies, Don’t ever have sex in your whole life in any way if God brings you into this world as a homosexual.” When i realized I could be out of the shackles of this moral slavery, I sae my mission to unshackle as many as came to me.
Well, before I was truly able to live a responsible sexuality myself and then teach it to others, I was already nearly fifty. I wrote and published my first book on the subject when I was 47. It helped hundreds begin to understand their sexuality, but even then I was still making sexual mistakes in my own life, and it was more than a decade later that God led me to synthesize theory and practice and make spirituality and sexuality united in the path toward friendship with God and friendship with people, responsibly dealing with the normal sexuality God gave me. I was a poor one to set myself up as a teacher of others, not as totally unlearned in sexuality as my priest professors of bygone years, but still searching for an authentic message.
Through the Order of St. Aelred, the very teachings of St. Aelred, the principles on which the St. Aelred Friendship Society is founded, I came to realize that finally God was using me authentically for an authentic message of the integration of spirituality and sexuality.
I did not set myself up as a moral judge of the spirituality or sexuality of others. The gift God gave me was to reach out a hand of understanding to as many of God’s children as God led to me and speak to them of God’s unconditional love, not in a litany of “Don’ts,” but in the warm and embracing and accepting arms of the God who offers them total Friendship, and urges them to live in friendship with one another. My prayer was that certainly some of God's beloved children could be spared the pain and shame of moral slavery long before they were 50, and learn to live a wholisdtic life under the mantle of God's unconditional love.
For this, then, I am impelled to “waste not your time while time shall last, for after death tis ever past.” The work is not done until every gay and lesbian, every man, woman and child that God sends to me, hears of God’s love and can experience the all-loving embrace of God’s Friendship.
Then I won’t regret the moment to come when “after death, all is past.” When I have been called out of this body which God gave me, which took so many decades before I could appreciate it as the gift God had given, my body will decompose while I encounter the magnificence of the presence of God. Here as through a dark glass I saw and loved the One who loves me unconditionally. When you look upon my body slumbering in the coffin or stand over the grave which encloses my body, I will already be in the awesome state that I could only hope for here, could only begin to feel in your smile, in your friendship, in your love and encouragement. Yes, I felt it most intensely in your loving embrace, my beloved Simon, but each and every friend God gave me provided a foretaste of the embrace of God.
Yes, I have been released from my body to dwell in that place where I have the privilege of the beloved disciple, to lie with my head on the very heart of Jesus. And best of all, as I am united with my Beloved, nothing can separate me from you. I am with God. God is Love, and Joy, and Peace. I live in that state forever; and deep within you lies all the beauty and wonder of God’s love for you, God’s all-loving embrace of you. We are in the same embrace.
I am happier now than you can imagine. I was happy doing the work God privileged me to do to tell of God’s love. Even though you cannot imagine the full wonder of that Presence, as it was with me then, you can get glimpses of it in your love for one another, in precious moments contemplating the Presence of God, on earth, which I now enjoy in its full splendor.
You, too, will know this, will know what not even St. John (who had that great privilege of lying with his head on the heart of Jesus), could find words to describe. When you also put off the body to be with us forever, with us, your God, your loved ones, then time will no longer matter. With us, at last, you will feel we have never been apart. I don’t want to steal Jesus’ words, but I want to assure you, we are with you.
If you need anything, ask; I will hear you. If you look for me and call out to me, I will hear your thoughts. I will never be canonized through the rules of a prejudiced system. You are already totally eligible for the same wonderful experience of union with God, where you are now, and where you will be forever, not through canonization, but through the will of our ever-loving God. You can see me, you can experience God all around you. I am with you wherever you are, I am with God and God is everywhere.
Thus, my dear friend, do not regret the times when you did not have a chance to be with me when I perhaps would have wanted it. That is bygone. Don’t think of me as dead. Actually, I am more alive than ever before. I used to be lazy sometimes. Now energy is automatic. The death I experienced did not kill me. It merely saw me through to the destination I was seeking all these years. Life there was but a moment, like a dream in which I sought what was hoped for. Now hope has given way to the real life, the real vision, the total experience of Love. In that Love I love you forever.
When your moment comes to make the change from the veiled experience to the beauty of total happiness, we will be together hand in hand, or arm in arm, or heart to heart in a special way, for we will be one in the very awesome presence of God.
So, think of me when you see the gifts of God. Think of me when you think of the gifts God has given you; think of me when God gives you a chance to tell someone of God’s all-embracing unconditional love. That was my mission. I don’t regret it. I rejoice in it. Now I know it was truly the Truth. Look for me in everything in which our God has had a hand. You know that I am with you because you will know the Love, and the Peace, and Joy of God. And I am with God and with you. I love you.
Some of my Friends have a comment, when I speak of my impending death, of saying. “Father, God needs you so much here; you are immortal.”
Yes, but. Yes, I shall live forever with God. But right now I have received another wakeup call that the transition is impending.
Yesterday I happened to catch the Larry King Live show. He devoted the whole hour to Prostate Cancer. One after the other, well-known figures with prostate cancer were interviewed or spoken about. One spoken about was Merv Griffin. He was told he had prostate cancer, and he said, ”I am off to a Mediterranean Cruise on my Yacht.” He soon died of prostate cancer.
The other people interviewed heeded the advice to have early detection and early treatment and live longer and never die of prostate cancer. Colin Powel, Mayor Guiliani, Billy Graham, and so many others. The key is regular PSA tests after age 40. I have had PSA tests. The last one was so good, my doctor triumphantly announced, “You don’t have cancer.” But my sin is that that was a couple of years ago. So that is why I call the Larry King show a wake call. Tine for another PSA.
I could be like Merv Griffin, but there really is still work to do. A woman texted me the other day. “Father I am dying of a cerebral aneurism and would like to have my wedding with my long time partner before I die.” I replied I would cooperate with her in that, but, I said, “I am dying, too. I just don’t know when. Don’t we all start toward dying the day we were born, because we really are not immortal on this earth.?” She texted back, “But, father, you are needed so much. You are the only one who understands us.” When I saw her I explained that we have seminarians who are preparing, slowly, to take my place, do my work, so I have to try to die slowly.
The first wake up call was when President Aquino died this month of Colon Cancer. I wrote about that, and said since I was a colon cancer survivor, I should go and have my overdue check up (colonoscopy). So, here I sit facing mortality, and what am I going to do? Lord, if it is Thy will, let the seminarians finish first. I want to be with you, but if you have more work for me to do, help me not to waste my time while time shall last.
My prayer companion sent me some more beautiful prayers by email today. Because he is working out of town now, we can’t kneel down and pray together as frequently as we did when he was in town. But still it is joy to pray long distance in the prayers of Jim Cotter, Michel Quoist, St. Alphonsus Liguori – in addition to the Prayer Book he and I compiled together some time ago.
Then I remembered I had already done some reflections on mortality which I decided to share with him – and you – today.
Some thoughts on vocation and mortality and sexuality
[I intend to tape record these words for possible use in connection with my wake and funeral. God willing.]
God called me at an early age to be keenly interested in the things of God. Even when I was too young to go to church every Sunday, I begged to be allowed to go with my devout parents. When I was in the second grade, my first Holy Communion started me on a path of religious enthusiasm. It was my first spiritual awakening, and the beginning of a life-long devotion to the Blessed Sacrament.
In the fifth grade I defended my faith against an anti-Catholic public school teacher. When I was in the sixth grade, the death of Pope Pius XI and the election of Pope Pius XII sparked my interest in the works of the universal church. Little did I know then that a couple of decades later I would thrill to the excitement of receiving the blessing of Pope Pius XII borne past me on the historic Sedia Gestatoria used by popes then to be carried into the Great St. Peter’s Basilica, the largest church in Christendom, for the weekly general audiences.
At 13 my parents allowed me to make the decision to enter the minor seminary to begin to tread the path toward the goal to which I was called, the holy priesthood. I donned the simple black cassock with pride. This time it was the daily uniform of my vocation –even though for years I had been wearing it to perform the duties of an altar boy in my hometown – every chance I got – a service dear to my young heart, serving Mass before school in the morning (after milking the cow at home) and serving mass in the Hospice for elderly people on Saturdays.
In the seminary I knelt daily in private prayer before the Blessed Sacrament or in front of the altar of the Blessed Mother, beseeching help from heaven to persevere and push forward in my studies and in my formation for ordination to the holy priesthood. It was my focus, my obsession, the path along which I was nudged by the very Spirit of God calling me.
Every night in our community evening prayer we impressionable teenage seminarians prayed a gruesome prayer which remained powerful in my mind and memory – and motivation – to this day into my old age. I call it gruesome because by psychological standards, it is deemed depressing. Be that as it may, even though later I became a doctor of psychology, that prayer was like a beacon challenging and motivating me from then until now.
Life is short, and death is sure,
The hour of death remains obscure;
A soul you have, and only one,
If that be lost, all hope is gone;
Waste not your time, while time shall last,
For after death tis ever past.
Actually the prayer went on for paragraph after paragraph in our little community prayer book. But that’s the part that stuck with me to this day.
Now, I have been a workaholic all my life. Perhaps I was born that way, but that prayer fed the drive in me: “Waste not your time, while time shall last.” I saw 12 long years ahead of me – studies in preparation for the priesthood. I was imbued with the drive to do all I could at this moment and then be ready to do all I can the next moment. Today sixty some years later, I cannot say it has always been a virtue, but that same impulse has driven me all through the years.
Today, after three quarters of a century, and not every goal has been attained, I realize the life ahead is shorter than the life which has gone before, so all the more reason to “waste not your time, while time shall last.” Pope John Paul II must have been driven by the same divine impulse. He was blessing the people until mere hours before his death, perhaps minutes.
Years later in the major seminary a priest professor told us that “most of the people in mental hospitals are there because of religion or sex. “ That was food for thought for even my more mature young mind, now in my 20’s. But it worried me, because neither that professor (a Ph.D. in psychology) nor the other priest-professors were trained or equipped to guide us along the path of sanity in sex, which of course, then overlapped into the area of sanity in religion. The tension was great. We were too young, too unguided, to know that sanity in religion and sex comes from the proper integration of spirituality and sexuality. In fact that was an unheard of concept in those days. Because of what happened to me there and what happened to me as my life evolved, the focus of my ministry in later years was just that: for myself and others: remaining in the friendship of God while bringing into union God’s great gifts of spirituality and sexuality.
In the seminary I was a sexual person. I prayed to “be delivered from this plague.” The counseling I received could be summed up in “Don’t masturbate.” I tried and nearly went crazy trying to control my need to masturbate and living with my totally deflated self esteem each time I succumbed to what I had been taught to believe was an “unchristian, abominable, unspeakable sin.”
Because they did not understand my sexuality, because they did not know how to counsel me in my integration of sexuality and spirituality, they advised me to leave the religious order and get married and “all would be all right.” That was inadequate counseling, and, of course it did violence to the calling I had received from God.
I was obedient. I was an unquestioning Catholic and did what I was told. Eight times God gave me the profound gift of new life – the inestimable joy of the father driving the mother and baby home from the hospital and stopping to pray at the parish church and dedicating the child at the altar of the Blessed Mother to God’s care through the protection and prayers of Jesus’ mother.
I taught religion to high school students in my hometown and pursued a path that led me to many valuable spiritual encounters . The first deeply spiritual experience was the Cursillo, both as a local leader and as a national leader where I worked with Ralph Martin (who is today a well-known Catholic televangelist) and Steve Clark (who today is recognized as a popular charismatic author), to the Catholic Charismatic movement as a pioneer with Ralph Martin and Steve Clark (with them, working with them as they "invented" the Life in the Spirit Seminar), while they were American national leaders of that movement. Through these and other experiences, among which was the great privilege of working for many years with the Rev. Troy Perry, a gifted and sincere man of God, finally beginning to learn to shape my life into the one unified spiritual and sexual life that God gave me. And that, then, became the focus of my mission.
Along the way, I made a lot of sexual mistakes, trying to learn the hard way, by hit and miss, doing it wrong, hurting people, and trying to lead others before I mastered the wholesome truth of God’s beautiful plan for our lives.
That plan, of course is that God loves me and us – unconditionally, as we are, having given us our yearning for friendship with God and our yearning for friendship with others and for intimacy in companionship. It’s not, as I was implicitly taught: spirituality, yes; and sexuality, no. It’s spirituality, yes, and sexuality yes. (Even those who, by God’s grace are celibate, are sexual.) We are all sexual, even when we are not genital.
But into my forties, it was taking a psychological toll. I did not realize then, but with later acquired psychological understandings, I realize that not being equipped to handle my sexuality and my spirituality simultaneously caused me to have less than wholesome mental health. I began to drink. In 1971 I admitted that I was an alcoholic, so I went to a Christian Rehabilitation Center in the mountains of upstate New York – and it was an experience that profoundly affected my life -- to this day.
It was outstanding in many ways, but, besides never another drink, two prominent elements of the program had a lasting impact on my life. The first was a spiritual experience that bolstered and fortified my effort to “Waste not” my time. The community taught me the Jesus Prayer and introduced me to the “The Way of the Pilgrim,” a novel about the secret of unending prayer, the Jesus Prayer method of practicing the presence of God. That simple historic prayer, “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me,” became my constant companion for the rest of my life. It not only carried the seed of all prayer, but gave me the springboard for trying to maintain a spirit of ceaseless prayer, filling in every otherwise “idle” moment with the name of Jesus, and almost unwittingly holding me to the ideal of “waste not your time while time shall last.”
The second element of the program at Eastridge Recovery Community was its giving me a solid grounding in the Twelve Steps of the Twelve Step recovery program. For the rest of my life my own spiritual life was affected by the Twelve Steps, “the most effective spiritual program ever invented by human beings” it has been called. Over and over again, through the years, I was able to propose the Twelve Step program for others with various kinds of addictions, alcohol, drugs, sexual impulsiveness, overeating, smoking, etc.
In short it took me decades with the help of therapy, the recovery program, and prayer to begin to function with integrity in a wholistic wellbeing that finally put the pieces together with spirituality and sexuality fully functioning in balance and harmony with all components of my God-given humanity.
The seventies brought the works of more and more scholars of sex-positive theology to publication and to the forefront of helping create a whole new climate – an alternative climate to the ignorance of the past, an alternative to the untenable, unbelievable, unworkable, unsound sex-negative approaches of the past, which, sad to say, still persists in the minds and teachings of such saintly people as Pope John Paul II.
[More work on this paragraph]
Thank God, early on I was able not only to read some of these great new scholars, but to meet some of them in person. With the help of emerging great spiritual writers, who had the same struggles in their own lives, great theologians, like Father John McNeill, and Father Norman Pittenger who learned to live their life integrating their friendship with God with the love of neighbor. And they wrote books about it.
I had the privilege of meeting these great men personally, of reading their books, and eventually reading the books of other scholars who dismantled the harmful and destructive powers of sex-negative theology and set me (and their other readers) on the path of realizing that God is the author of sex-positive theology. And therein lies our liberation and salvation from the crippling effects of the monolithic negative approach, “Don’t masturbate, Don’t use condoms, Don’t have sex except when married to make babies, Don’t ever have sex in your whole life in any way if God brings you into this world as a homosexual.” When i realized I could be out of the shackles of this moral slavery, I sae my mission to unshackle as many as came to me.
Well, before I was truly able to live a responsible sexuality myself and then teach it to others, I was already nearly fifty. I wrote and published my first book on the subject when I was 47. It helped hundreds begin to understand their sexuality, but even then I was still making sexual mistakes in my own life, and it was more than a decade later that God led me to synthesize theory and practice and make spirituality and sexuality united in the path toward friendship with God and friendship with people, responsibly dealing with the normal sexuality God gave me. I was a poor one to set myself up as a teacher of others, not as totally unlearned in sexuality as my priest professors of bygone years, but still searching for an authentic message.
Through the Order of St. Aelred, the very teachings of St. Aelred, the principles on which the St. Aelred Friendship Society is founded, I came to realize that finally God was using me authentically for an authentic message of the integration of spirituality and sexuality.
I did not set myself up as a moral judge of the spirituality or sexuality of others. The gift God gave me was to reach out a hand of understanding to as many of God’s children as God led to me and speak to them of God’s unconditional love, not in a litany of “Don’ts,” but in the warm and embracing and accepting arms of the God who offers them total Friendship, and urges them to live in friendship with one another. My prayer was that certainly some of God's beloved children could be spared the pain and shame of moral slavery long before they were 50, and learn to live a wholisdtic life under the mantle of God's unconditional love.
For this, then, I am impelled to “waste not your time while time shall last, for after death tis ever past.” The work is not done until every gay and lesbian, every man, woman and child that God sends to me, hears of God’s love and can experience the all-loving embrace of God’s Friendship.
Then I won’t regret the moment to come when “after death, all is past.” When I have been called out of this body which God gave me, which took so many decades before I could appreciate it as the gift God had given, my body will decompose while I encounter the magnificence of the presence of God. Here as through a dark glass I saw and loved the One who loves me unconditionally. When you look upon my body slumbering in the coffin or stand over the grave which encloses my body, I will already be in the awesome state that I could only hope for here, could only begin to feel in your smile, in your friendship, in your love and encouragement. Yes, I felt it most intensely in your loving embrace, my beloved Simon, but each and every friend God gave me provided a foretaste of the embrace of God.
Yes, I have been released from my body to dwell in that place where I have the privilege of the beloved disciple, to lie with my head on the very heart of Jesus. And best of all, as I am united with my Beloved, nothing can separate me from you. I am with God. God is Love, and Joy, and Peace. I live in that state forever; and deep within you lies all the beauty and wonder of God’s love for you, God’s all-loving embrace of you. We are in the same embrace.
I am happier now than you can imagine. I was happy doing the work God privileged me to do to tell of God’s love. Even though you cannot imagine the full wonder of that Presence, as it was with me then, you can get glimpses of it in your love for one another, in precious moments contemplating the Presence of God, on earth, which I now enjoy in its full splendor.
You, too, will know this, will know what not even St. John (who had that great privilege of lying with his head on the heart of Jesus), could find words to describe. When you also put off the body to be with us forever, with us, your God, your loved ones, then time will no longer matter. With us, at last, you will feel we have never been apart. I don’t want to steal Jesus’ words, but I want to assure you, we are with you.
If you need anything, ask; I will hear you. If you look for me and call out to me, I will hear your thoughts. I will never be canonized through the rules of a prejudiced system. You are already totally eligible for the same wonderful experience of union with God, where you are now, and where you will be forever, not through canonization, but through the will of our ever-loving God. You can see me, you can experience God all around you. I am with you wherever you are, I am with God and God is everywhere.
Thus, my dear friend, do not regret the times when you did not have a chance to be with me when I perhaps would have wanted it. That is bygone. Don’t think of me as dead. Actually, I am more alive than ever before. I used to be lazy sometimes. Now energy is automatic. The death I experienced did not kill me. It merely saw me through to the destination I was seeking all these years. Life there was but a moment, like a dream in which I sought what was hoped for. Now hope has given way to the real life, the real vision, the total experience of Love. In that Love I love you forever.
When your moment comes to make the change from the veiled experience to the beauty of total happiness, we will be together hand in hand, or arm in arm, or heart to heart in a special way, for we will be one in the very awesome presence of God.
So, think of me when you see the gifts of God. Think of me when you think of the gifts God has given you; think of me when God gives you a chance to tell someone of God’s all-embracing unconditional love. That was my mission. I don’t regret it. I rejoice in it. Now I know it was truly the Truth. Look for me in everything in which our God has had a hand. You know that I am with you because you will know the Love, and the Peace, and Joy of God. And I am with God and with you. I love you.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Tita Cory, colon cancer, kalayaan
From the morning of August 1, I have watched the coverage whenever possible. Today beginning at 9 A.M. with the beautiful concelebrated Pontifical Requiem Mass at the Manila Cathedral with former presidents, the vice president, and dozens of bishops and other prominent people of the country (and thousands more outside the cathedral), I have been glued to the television all day for the Salamat at Paalam (Thank you and Goodbye) for former President Cory Aquino.
President Aquino was president in 1991 when I arrived to answer my calling to serve God’s people in the Philippines.
I first heard of her during the time of the assassination of her husband, Ninoy (to eliminate a strong threat to the Marcos dictatorship), and then I heard more when she led the EDSA revolution which ended the Marcos dictatorship. I remember watching that whole saga of a people on television in a far away land, never dreaming that I would be called to that very land as later.
I remember being in the crowd of hundreds of thousands several times when she attended events at the Quirino Grandstand.
My fondest memories of President Aquino were from my several visits to Malacañang while she was president, and she graciously entered into prayer with the prayer group I was a member of, and I will never forget her kneeling down and allowing us to pray over her and some of her cabinet members.
Then her death from colon cancer brought back memories of my colon cancer in 1993 a year after she humbly stepped down from the presidency and turned over the office to President Fidel Ramos. (Anther president I first met in church and got his autograph, and then met many times while he was president).
It reminded me that I have been a colon cancer survivor, by the grace of God, for 16 years. I know full well that cancer can return at any time. I have been reluctant to make the expenditure needed for a proper colon exam. Now I know that it requires anesthesia from the drug that they used to kill Michael Jackson. Pray for God’s will.
It reminded me that life is short and death is sure and the hour of death remains obscure. Cory was 76. God has given me 80 years and allowed me to continue serving the people who are often denied church services.
I was brought to tears as I heard speaker after speaker describe the virtues of Tita Cory, so loved, trusted, and admired by the people of the country she restored freedom to. Lord, I prayed, that I may learn from her example.
It reminded me that, I must continue to persevere in my mission to bring to our people freedom from moral slavery, that I must display the integrity and moral courage that will be an example to our people to recognize the truth of God’s unconditional love and turn to Jesus; turn away from anything that would separate them from God’s love and living in friendship with God and with each other.
I was reminded again of that prayer we prayed in the seminary when I was 13 years old, “A soul you have and only one; if that be lost all hope is gone; waste not your time while time shall last, for after death tis ever past.” At 13, death seemed so far away. At 80 it does not seem so elusive. But the same axiom urges me on: waste not your time.
The work must go on. I thank God for the great grace, the great gift of my calling, the privilege to announce the unfailing love of our God through the Son Jesus Christ, our Friend.
After 18 years in the Philippines, I had an opportunity to speak at the end of June for the MCC Baguio Gay and Lesbian Pride Mass. In my pride, a significant thing for me was that MCC Baguio is the third MCC in the Philippines to bring the message of God’s unconditional love to the Filipino LGBT people since I founded the first church on September 7, 1991 while Tita Cory was still president.
From left to right: Art Ventayen (MCC Manila), myself, Myke Sotero (MCC Baguio), and CJ Agbayani (MCC Quezon City)
President Aquino was president in 1991 when I arrived to answer my calling to serve God’s people in the Philippines.
I first heard of her during the time of the assassination of her husband, Ninoy (to eliminate a strong threat to the Marcos dictatorship), and then I heard more when she led the EDSA revolution which ended the Marcos dictatorship. I remember watching that whole saga of a people on television in a far away land, never dreaming that I would be called to that very land as later.
I remember being in the crowd of hundreds of thousands several times when she attended events at the Quirino Grandstand.
My fondest memories of President Aquino were from my several visits to Malacañang while she was president, and she graciously entered into prayer with the prayer group I was a member of, and I will never forget her kneeling down and allowing us to pray over her and some of her cabinet members.
Then her death from colon cancer brought back memories of my colon cancer in 1993 a year after she humbly stepped down from the presidency and turned over the office to President Fidel Ramos. (Anther president I first met in church and got his autograph, and then met many times while he was president).
It reminded me that I have been a colon cancer survivor, by the grace of God, for 16 years. I know full well that cancer can return at any time. I have been reluctant to make the expenditure needed for a proper colon exam. Now I know that it requires anesthesia from the drug that they used to kill Michael Jackson. Pray for God’s will.
It reminded me that life is short and death is sure and the hour of death remains obscure. Cory was 76. God has given me 80 years and allowed me to continue serving the people who are often denied church services.
I was brought to tears as I heard speaker after speaker describe the virtues of Tita Cory, so loved, trusted, and admired by the people of the country she restored freedom to. Lord, I prayed, that I may learn from her example.
It reminded me that, I must continue to persevere in my mission to bring to our people freedom from moral slavery, that I must display the integrity and moral courage that will be an example to our people to recognize the truth of God’s unconditional love and turn to Jesus; turn away from anything that would separate them from God’s love and living in friendship with God and with each other.
I was reminded again of that prayer we prayed in the seminary when I was 13 years old, “A soul you have and only one; if that be lost all hope is gone; waste not your time while time shall last, for after death tis ever past.” At 13, death seemed so far away. At 80 it does not seem so elusive. But the same axiom urges me on: waste not your time.
The work must go on. I thank God for the great grace, the great gift of my calling, the privilege to announce the unfailing love of our God through the Son Jesus Christ, our Friend.
After 18 years in the Philippines, I had an opportunity to speak at the end of June for the MCC Baguio Gay and Lesbian Pride Mass. In my pride, a significant thing for me was that MCC Baguio is the third MCC in the Philippines to bring the message of God’s unconditional love to the Filipino LGBT people since I founded the first church on September 7, 1991 while Tita Cory was still president.
From left to right: Art Ventayen (MCC Manila), myself, Myke Sotero (MCC Baguio), and CJ Agbayani (MCC Quezon City)
Another point of pride for me was that all three pastors of the three MCC churches in the Philippines concelebrated the Pride Mass at which I brought the message (which was published here last month).
Another point of pride for me was that each of these three pastors has been in one way or another a protégé of mine over the years I have been here. After I published the previous blog, I received a photo of myself with the three pastors. I am posting that photo here.
From St. Aelred we learn that if God is Love, God is Friendship.
Thankful to Be a Priest
Father Richard R. Mickley, O.S.Ae., Ph.D., abbot of the St. Aelred Friendship Society, bishop of the Catholic Diocese of One Spirit. (Written in 2008)
Leaning on the threshold of my 80th birthday, I have been thinking of the things I am thankful for. Among many persons and things I am thankful for, I am thankful to be a priest in the one, holy, catholic, and apostolic church of Jesus Christ.
By the time I was 10 years old, I was sure God was calling me to be a priest. And by the grace of God, there was a sign. I wanted very much to be an altar boy, but in those days altar boys had to memorize a long list of Latin prayers. Memorizing was always a problem for me — and now in Latin! (Years later I became a Latin teacher, but at the age of 10, it was indeed a challenge.)
With the grace of God and the patience of the senior altar boy, who was assigned to teach me, Stewart Sidell (later Dr. Stewart Sidell, M.D.), I learned all those Latin prayers by heart — and we weren’t allowed to use cue cards. When the priest said in Latin, “I will go unto the altar of God,” it was my cue to respond in Latin, “Ad Deum Qui laetificat juventutem meam…to God who gives joy to my youth….”
I felt that joy then, and really forever after as God led me, guided me, directed me through a long, sometimes circuitous, sometimes road-blocked path to the day when I would say officially, “I go unto the altar of God…”
I praise and thank God for the calling and the joy of sharing in the priesthood of Jesus Christ. What an awesome responsibility — to have the children of God turn to one, not only for God’s blessing, but for guidance on the path to union with God.
The privilege of standing at the altar and praying those words Jesus chose to make it possible for the priest to bring the very presence of Jesus on the altar and to be united with his friends. That privilege alone makes the priesthood an unbounded gift of God. Each of the thousands of times I have stood at the altar and prayed those words of Jesus, “This is My Body,” I have been filled with awe by the power of God acting through me.
And what a joy to officiate as a priest at Baptism, and to give assurance to God’s children that God forgives them when they confess their failings to God, and to bring the message of God’s unconditional love to all God’s people with no exceptions, and to be the one who anoints the hand and holds the hand of one who is about to depart this world and live forever in the eternal embrace of God’s friendship. And, yes, for me to experience over and over the joy of proclaiming God’s blessing for those who come together in love for a wedded and holy union. And the great privilege of passing on the holy priesthood in apostolic succession to God’s chosen priests.
Late in life, through the trust and kindness of Bishop James Burch, I was honored with the fullness of the priesthood by ordination with apostolic succession as a bishop in the one, holy, catholic, and apostolic church of Jesus Christ, and grateful as I am for that opportunity to serve God’s people, no privilege will ever surpass the privilege of offering one Mass as a priest of God.
Even as I strive conscientiously to assume the very personality of the ever-loving, ever-giving Jesus Christ whom I serve, I can never be sufficiently thankful for the most sacred trust and privilege and responsibility of being “another Christ.” To God I commend all those men, women, children, gay, lesbian, bisexual, heterosexual down through the years whom God has given me the privilege of serving in some way for well over a half a century.
Thanks be to God.
Another point of pride for me was that each of these three pastors has been in one way or another a protégé of mine over the years I have been here. After I published the previous blog, I received a photo of myself with the three pastors. I am posting that photo here.
From St. Aelred we learn that if God is Love, God is Friendship.
Thankful to Be a Priest
Father Richard R. Mickley, O.S.Ae., Ph.D., abbot of the St. Aelred Friendship Society, bishop of the Catholic Diocese of One Spirit. (Written in 2008)
Leaning on the threshold of my 80th birthday, I have been thinking of the things I am thankful for. Among many persons and things I am thankful for, I am thankful to be a priest in the one, holy, catholic, and apostolic church of Jesus Christ.
By the time I was 10 years old, I was sure God was calling me to be a priest. And by the grace of God, there was a sign. I wanted very much to be an altar boy, but in those days altar boys had to memorize a long list of Latin prayers. Memorizing was always a problem for me — and now in Latin! (Years later I became a Latin teacher, but at the age of 10, it was indeed a challenge.)
With the grace of God and the patience of the senior altar boy, who was assigned to teach me, Stewart Sidell (later Dr. Stewart Sidell, M.D.), I learned all those Latin prayers by heart — and we weren’t allowed to use cue cards. When the priest said in Latin, “I will go unto the altar of God,” it was my cue to respond in Latin, “Ad Deum Qui laetificat juventutem meam…to God who gives joy to my youth….”
I felt that joy then, and really forever after as God led me, guided me, directed me through a long, sometimes circuitous, sometimes road-blocked path to the day when I would say officially, “I go unto the altar of God…”
I praise and thank God for the calling and the joy of sharing in the priesthood of Jesus Christ. What an awesome responsibility — to have the children of God turn to one, not only for God’s blessing, but for guidance on the path to union with God.
The privilege of standing at the altar and praying those words Jesus chose to make it possible for the priest to bring the very presence of Jesus on the altar and to be united with his friends. That privilege alone makes the priesthood an unbounded gift of God. Each of the thousands of times I have stood at the altar and prayed those words of Jesus, “This is My Body,” I have been filled with awe by the power of God acting through me.
And what a joy to officiate as a priest at Baptism, and to give assurance to God’s children that God forgives them when they confess their failings to God, and to bring the message of God’s unconditional love to all God’s people with no exceptions, and to be the one who anoints the hand and holds the hand of one who is about to depart this world and live forever in the eternal embrace of God’s friendship. And, yes, for me to experience over and over the joy of proclaiming God’s blessing for those who come together in love for a wedded and holy union. And the great privilege of passing on the holy priesthood in apostolic succession to God’s chosen priests.
Late in life, through the trust and kindness of Bishop James Burch, I was honored with the fullness of the priesthood by ordination with apostolic succession as a bishop in the one, holy, catholic, and apostolic church of Jesus Christ, and grateful as I am for that opportunity to serve God’s people, no privilege will ever surpass the privilege of offering one Mass as a priest of God.
Even as I strive conscientiously to assume the very personality of the ever-loving, ever-giving Jesus Christ whom I serve, I can never be sufficiently thankful for the most sacred trust and privilege and responsibility of being “another Christ.” To God I commend all those men, women, children, gay, lesbian, bisexual, heterosexual down through the years whom God has given me the privilege of serving in some way for well over a half a century.
Thanks be to God.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Baguio Pride Mass 2009
I had the privilege of speaking and presiding at the Pride Mass offered as part of the 3rd Baguio Pride Week celebration on June 27, 2009.
The Concelebrants of the Mass were three dedicated ‘servants of God with whom I have worked for many years. And, indeed, I was proud as a grandfather (knowing that I should claim no credit for their dedication and zeal and hard work) attending a mass celebrated by three dedicated ministers who had been over the years protégés of mine in one way or another.
The Rev. Ceejay Agbayani has been with MCC for many years in Manila. Several years ago he took up residence in Union Theological Seminary, where I was proud to sponsor him for several years in a humble way and visit him as he pursued his studies. When he received his Masters in Divinity (Theology), he was ordained by MCC, and proceeded to found MCC Quezon City where he has been pastoring for more than two years now.
Art Ventayan has been a faithful member of MCC ever since I took him to worship there in 1997 after he had been worshipping with me in Marikina until I moved from there. Over the years he has been active in the LGBT community as well as a never failing member of MCC Manila. When I talked to him about his selection as Pastoral Leader of MCC Manila, he replied in his humble way, “I did not know I was next in line.”
Myke Sotero has long felt a calling to serve God and the LGBT community. A long time member of the Order of St. Aelred, he eagerly got involved with the efforts to start MCC Metro Baguio. He was installed as Pastoral Leader at the Pride Mass June 27, 2009. He is attending theological seminary in Baguio in preparation for professional ministry.
Baguio speech, Queer Pride Mass, 2009
Why Do We Have a Queer Pride Mass?
“Life, Love, Freedom: One Pride, One Struggle”
Fr. Richard R. Mickley, OSAe., Ph.D.
At one point in my life, as Assistant Director of Pro Football’s Hall of Fame in Ohio, I had occasion to go to civic groups and colleges to present films of pro football’s Super Bowl games for interested audiences.
Little did I ever dream that later in my life I would be going to television shows, universities and civil society groups in the Philippines to speak on sex-positive thinking.
Then, I spoke as a sports enthusiast. Today I work as a psychologist and priest to bring peace, hope, and salvation to hundreds, perhaps thousands who have been immersed in moral slavery. Think about it. Slavery – moral slavery. More about that later.
In ministry with LGBT people, the work of the priest and psychologist merge. This is because a big challenge of the priest and psychologist is to counteract the ill effect of moral slavery. This is done by changing from the binding chains of sex-negative thinking to the liberating light of sex-positive thinking.
Years ago, in my abnormal psychology class in undergraduate school, the professor introduced the subject by informing us that most people are in mental hospitals because of sex or religion or both.
In our work in the LGBT community, we see a lot of people adversely affected by the combination of religion and sexuality. Because of the type “religi0n” teachings they have been subjected to, many people have a warped reaction to sexuality. Not being able to handle this kind of interpretation of religion and sexuality, they often get all twisted up psychologically.
A powerful example of this is seen in the effect of Bagong Pagasa, Exodus and those groups which try to use religion to change people from homosexual to heterosexual. They use religious threat; some call it religious torture; others call it religious brainwashing. It just does not work. I have seen in three countries where I have worked that it does not work.
All too often this method leads to suicide or extreme confusion about what is religion and what is sexuality, and how do religion and sexuality intersect in real life? The frustration results from a false confusing picture about what is religion, and what is sexuality. The founders of Exodus recognized this several years ago in a speech at MCC General Conference and apologized to the world for all the suicides and messed up lives they had caused. This is documented on internet in the following words
In 1979, Exodus International's co-founder Michael Bussee and his partner Gary Cooper quit the group and held a life commitment (wedding) ceremony together and… made a public apology for their roles in Exodus.[8]
They had tried to use religious threats and persuasions to change LGBT to straight. In the long run, that’s why we have to deal with both religion and sexuality in this matter. That’s why for nineteen years we have celebrated an annual Queer Pride Mass in the Philippines.
The bottom line is that religion and sex do not merely intersect
For those who choose to have religion, a healthy life integrates religion and sexuality. For them, a healthy life makes religion and sex compatible, working together for a fulfilled life here and perfectly OK for the goal of heaven.
Even for those who choose to not practice a religion, a healthy life must be liberated from the ill effects of moral slavery upon a person’s life. And, to be sure, the life of every LGBT person I have ever met has been negatively impacted by false ideas of how religion and sex interact in life.
Let’s look at a few concrete examples of this phenomenon. The phenomenon is the way moral slavery can take control over my life, over the normal natural existence of sexuality in my life; and of course it comes from the sex-negative teachings of churches.
This, then, was what led the pioneering work of Rev. Troy Perry to give the world MCC in 1968, one year before the Stonewall riots. In his heart Troy knew it was time for people to come out of moral slavery to the promised land of God’s unfailing and unconditional love.
Let’s look at the first example of moral slavery: many young people are nearly driven crazy by church teachings that masturbation is a very nasty shameful sin.
They want to hear what religion is saying, but their very nature, their very psychological being, and what we now know as their very normal self tells them: if masturbation is sinful and ugly and shameful, why do I find it so irresistible, so much a part of the needs of my personhood at this time in my life.
That dilemma pulls them in two directions – with no help from religion. For straight guys, it may seem less shameful to make a baby out of sexual “need” than to masturbate.
That’s when they need somebody who can help them integrate religion and sexuality in their life. Great thinkers, theologians, priests, professors, doctors have led the way in explaining a sex-positive approach to life. Rev. Troy Perry, Fr. Norman Pittenger, Fr. John McNeill and dozens of others have shown us the way.
The whole LGBT world has a tremendous debt of gratitude to the Rev. Troy Perry who had brought the Love of God for Gays and Lesbians out of the closet by founding MCC a year before Stonewall. I had the great privilege of working directly with Rev. Perry for many years, in his office, in his churches.
I have been able to take the books, the thinking, the teachings of Rev. Perry, Fr. Pittenger, Fr. McNeill, and develop a sex-positive approach to lead victims of moral slavery in the Philippines out of these chains of shame and frustration.
There is no justification in the Bible for condemning masturbation. This condemnation, this requirement for Catholics to admit masturbation in the confessional has caused inestimable harm, not only to self esteem, but to the very spiritual and mental health of countless millions of its victims. In short masturbation is a harmless, normal, human function.
Another moral slavery has to do with condoms. It all stems from the very negative view that sex is “bad” unless it is to produce children. The Catholic teaching is that sex is bad unless it is open to the reproduction of children. Of course, condoms would prevent that. Therefore condoms are forbidden, even to prevent AIDS.
But in sex positive theology, as succinctly explained by the famous theologian, Fr. Norman Pittenger, all sex is good – if it is not harmful or forceful. That replaces the sex negative approach all sex is bad that is not open to reproduction of children. Then when condoms were discovered to be an effective prevention of transmitting the HIV virus, the church still clung to its “no condoms” teaching. You and I know that a couple with six kids whom they can’t afford to feed or send to school would be sinful not to use condoms to prevent more starving kids. They would be much better off, morally, spiritually, physically, financially, logically if they would use condoms, and surely God would want that. But wait a minute: the church says, “No problem, just solve it all with ‘no sex.’” That is indeed sex negative and indeed abnormal for anybody, but especially for a married couple, living and sleeping together.
Then there is the moral slavery to the rule that sex is OK only for heterosexual married couples. No room for masturbation or premarital sex, no room for LGBT couples, only sex that is open to making babies.
Liberation from moral slavery involves realizing that sex is also instituted by the Creator for companionship. This is seen even in the Bible, for those who look to the Bible for answers as I do. In creating the second human being, God not only created a mate to “mate with” for populating the earth with human beings, but God is also quoted as saying, “It is not good for a person to be alone.” Sure, populating the earth was a necessity at that time, but God also recognized that companionship is a human necessity.
Let’s look at one more moral slavery. LGBT people are not allowed any sex, in any way, at any time, in their entire life.
Whew! Scientists tell us people do not choose to be LGBT. They are born that way. They do not choose to have a loving attraction to a person of the same gender. That attraction is a wonderful gift, given to them by the Creator.
And that is the same Creator who said it is not good for a person to be alone. Of course heterosexual mating was necessary in the beginning to produce the children of the earth. But, Christians who believe in evolution, and there is no reason not to, believe that same-sex attraction was part of the massive evolution that has taken place across the face of creation over the millions of years. That may be easier for some to believe than to swallow the idea that we once looked like monkeys.
Surely, a just God, a loving God, a caring God, would not allow or cause a significant percentage of the people of creation to come into this world with same-sex attraction and then order them never ever in any way to enjoy the sexual gift given to them. That is very sex negative. And so ridiculous that it is blasphemous to accuse God of it.
Sex positive thinking, on the other hand, opens the door for loving companionship, for committed sex. Father Pittenger says that all sex is good, but loving sex is better, and committed, long term, loving sex is best.
Most of all, the bottom line is “Life, Love, Freedom: One Pride, One Struggle”
Sex positive thinking frees us to be who we are – from the hand of God. And then the right to love as God constitutes us to love. And that includes the basic human right to marry the one we love.
The most basic concept behind the Queer Pride Mass is the unflinching, unfailing, unconditional love of God for each and every LGBT person in the world. The 8th Chapter of St. Paul’s Letter to the Romans tells it completely and clearly. For those who honor the Bible, as I do, that’s the answer. Paul says, “There is no power anywhere that can separate us from the love of God.” That means no church, no civil authority, no prophet can stop God from loving you and me. Nobody, anywhere. We are offered and entitled to God’s love. It is ours for the accepting. God’s arms are held out in embracing love. All we need to do is hug God in return.
That’s just a sample of sex negative and sex positive thinking.
In my own life, I had joined the left-leaning Gay Liberation Front which blossomed 40 years ago after the historic Stonewall moment in 1969. I had opportunities to participate in the huge Pride Marches in Los angels, to take part in the longest Pride March in history, a weeklong trek from the Mexican border through the desert to Phoenix, Arizona. Then I was blessed to be able to work with Rev. Perry, meet Fr. Pittenger and Fr. McNeill, and to write some books on the sub ject, and to teach sex positive theology in the MCC international seminary in Los Angeles.
After 17 years of liberating work in the gay and lesbian communities of Detroit, Chicago, Phoenix, and Los Angeles, I was working as a sex-positive priest and psychologist in New Zealand when I heard that there was not one voice publicly speaking out for the religious rights of LGBT people in the Philippines. In my heart I knew the LGBT people of the Philippines had the right to rightfully claim the unconditional love of God, the right to worship God, the right to be unchained from the moral slavery that drug them down to underserved shame and guilt complexes. They had a right to stable wholistic lives, and somebody had to introduce them to the basic rights that are theirs.
I came here to check it out in June 1991, and I was invited to start a work in the Philippines by a petition of 43 LGBT people who wanted to hear a voice speaking out for them. I resigned from my pastorate in New Zealand with its salary and perks, and came here to answer that calling in September 1991 with no salary, no perks and set up MCC Philippines, the first openly gay and lesbian activist organization in the country to begin the task of liberating LGBT people through sex-positive thinking. I have been privileged to follow that calling for the past 18 years.
In early 1994 Oscar Atadero, an officer in MCC, brought up to me that it was the 25th year anniversary of Stonewall, when gay liberation came out of the closet in America. We talked and decided that it was time for gay liberation to come out of the closet in the Philippines. He was part of the founding of the LGBT activist organizati0n, Pro Gay, in 1992. He arranged that Pro gay and MCC Manila, the organization I had founded in 1991, would co-sponsor the first Gay and Lesbian Pride March and Rally. Oscar Atadero was the real author of that historic event which took place virtually 15 years ago today on June 26, 1994. I gave the keynote address and celebrated the Queer Pride Mass, and we later found out it was the first Gay and Lesbian Pride March in Asia. I had celebrated the first LGBT Pride Mass in the Philippines and delivered the first-ever public LGBT Pride Speech on June 26, 1991 at the main altar of the Cathedral of the Holy Child in Manila with a future bishop and a Methodist Pastor concelebrating, and 50 some people in attendance.
For months after the Pride March in 1994, there was massive media attention to that march and to the growing gay and lesbian movement. We appeared on Mel and Jay and numerous television shows, and, in short, the movement was off and running.
More and more gay and lesbian organizations sprung up. After Reachout AIDS Foundation and Jomar Fleras sponsored large and colorful marches in Malate in 1996, 1997, and 1998, we formed Task Force Pride as a network of more than a dozen organizations plus individuals to carry on the marches in 1999, and TFP, until now, produces the annual Pride March in Manila.
I am very proud that Baguio is celebrating its third Pride March this weekend and I salute you people who are working so hard to pull it off.
I am proud of Rev. Ceejay Agbayani who has gone to seminary for years and been ordained and founded MCC Quezon City.
I am proud of Myke Sotero, your new MCC Baguio pastoral Leader, who has given his all to this work and is enrolled in a theological seminary for this work.
I am proud of William and all you brave and hardworking pioneers who are establishing MCC Baguio. Never forget the noble liberating work you are called to, setting LGBT people free from the chains of sex-negative thinking so they can enjoy wonderful, clean, and beautiful sex-positive thinking and living.
I challenge you all to work together, to collaborate, to support each other’s programs. Nationally, get behind Ang Ladlad, work with other LGBT organizations.
With the help of John Maxwell, ask yourself some questions about your involvement in LGBT liberation in Baguio.
Do you really have a dream for our people?
Ask yourself: does my dream for the LGBT community compel me to work for it?
Do I have a strategy; (in my group and in my personal ways of helping) do I have a strategy for my dream?
Am I willing to pay the price for my dream to come true for the LGBT people of Metro Baguio?
Does my dream fulfill only my ambition, or does it really benefit the community?
Does my dream, does my work, collaborate, cooperate with and help fulfill our common dream, our common hope, and our common destiny?
The Jaycee Creed says, “Service to humanity is the best work of life. Our work is liberating our people, advancing justice and full human rights for our people. Ask yourself: Is that my dream? It begins right here, right where we are, with an attitude of love and cooperation with the others who have this dream.
The time of liberation has come. It is time for the theme of your celebration this week: “Life, Love, Freedom: One Pride, One Struggle.” It is time to live in freedom and dignity the life and love and wonderful gift of sexuality our Creator has given us.
Introduction of Fr. Richard
Fr. Richard R. Mickley, OSAe, Ph.D. is Bishop of the Catholic Diocese of One Spirit Philippines, Abbot of the Order of St. Aelred, a priest and psychologist.
He has been in LGBT ministry for 38 years in the United States, New Zealand, and in the Philippines for the last 18 years. He introduced weddings for same-sex couples to the Philippines in 1991, with his founding of the first openly gay and lesbian activist organization, MCC Manila. He founded the Order of St. Aelred in 1995.
He is a veteran of the Korean War in Korea, a former university dean and professor, and was a successful restauranteur for several years. He worked as a psychologist in Los Angeles. His doctorate is in Clinical Psychology and his masters in Counseling Psychology for Gays and lesbians.
The Concelebrants of the Mass were three dedicated ‘servants of God with whom I have worked for many years. And, indeed, I was proud as a grandfather (knowing that I should claim no credit for their dedication and zeal and hard work) attending a mass celebrated by three dedicated ministers who had been over the years protégés of mine in one way or another.
The Rev. Ceejay Agbayani has been with MCC for many years in Manila. Several years ago he took up residence in Union Theological Seminary, where I was proud to sponsor him for several years in a humble way and visit him as he pursued his studies. When he received his Masters in Divinity (Theology), he was ordained by MCC, and proceeded to found MCC Quezon City where he has been pastoring for more than two years now.
Art Ventayan has been a faithful member of MCC ever since I took him to worship there in 1997 after he had been worshipping with me in Marikina until I moved from there. Over the years he has been active in the LGBT community as well as a never failing member of MCC Manila. When I talked to him about his selection as Pastoral Leader of MCC Manila, he replied in his humble way, “I did not know I was next in line.”
Myke Sotero has long felt a calling to serve God and the LGBT community. A long time member of the Order of St. Aelred, he eagerly got involved with the efforts to start MCC Metro Baguio. He was installed as Pastoral Leader at the Pride Mass June 27, 2009. He is attending theological seminary in Baguio in preparation for professional ministry.
Baguio speech, Queer Pride Mass, 2009
Why Do We Have a Queer Pride Mass?
“Life, Love, Freedom: One Pride, One Struggle”
Fr. Richard R. Mickley, OSAe., Ph.D.
At one point in my life, as Assistant Director of Pro Football’s Hall of Fame in Ohio, I had occasion to go to civic groups and colleges to present films of pro football’s Super Bowl games for interested audiences.
Little did I ever dream that later in my life I would be going to television shows, universities and civil society groups in the Philippines to speak on sex-positive thinking.
Then, I spoke as a sports enthusiast. Today I work as a psychologist and priest to bring peace, hope, and salvation to hundreds, perhaps thousands who have been immersed in moral slavery. Think about it. Slavery – moral slavery. More about that later.
In ministry with LGBT people, the work of the priest and psychologist merge. This is because a big challenge of the priest and psychologist is to counteract the ill effect of moral slavery. This is done by changing from the binding chains of sex-negative thinking to the liberating light of sex-positive thinking.
Years ago, in my abnormal psychology class in undergraduate school, the professor introduced the subject by informing us that most people are in mental hospitals because of sex or religion or both.
In our work in the LGBT community, we see a lot of people adversely affected by the combination of religion and sexuality. Because of the type “religi0n” teachings they have been subjected to, many people have a warped reaction to sexuality. Not being able to handle this kind of interpretation of religion and sexuality, they often get all twisted up psychologically.
A powerful example of this is seen in the effect of Bagong Pagasa, Exodus and those groups which try to use religion to change people from homosexual to heterosexual. They use religious threat; some call it religious torture; others call it religious brainwashing. It just does not work. I have seen in three countries where I have worked that it does not work.
All too often this method leads to suicide or extreme confusion about what is religion and what is sexuality, and how do religion and sexuality intersect in real life? The frustration results from a false confusing picture about what is religion, and what is sexuality. The founders of Exodus recognized this several years ago in a speech at MCC General Conference and apologized to the world for all the suicides and messed up lives they had caused. This is documented on internet in the following words
In 1979, Exodus International's co-founder Michael Bussee and his partner Gary Cooper quit the group and held a life commitment (wedding) ceremony together and… made a public apology for their roles in Exodus.[8]
They had tried to use religious threats and persuasions to change LGBT to straight. In the long run, that’s why we have to deal with both religion and sexuality in this matter. That’s why for nineteen years we have celebrated an annual Queer Pride Mass in the Philippines.
The bottom line is that religion and sex do not merely intersect
For those who choose to have religion, a healthy life integrates religion and sexuality. For them, a healthy life makes religion and sex compatible, working together for a fulfilled life here and perfectly OK for the goal of heaven.
Even for those who choose to not practice a religion, a healthy life must be liberated from the ill effects of moral slavery upon a person’s life. And, to be sure, the life of every LGBT person I have ever met has been negatively impacted by false ideas of how religion and sex interact in life.
Let’s look at a few concrete examples of this phenomenon. The phenomenon is the way moral slavery can take control over my life, over the normal natural existence of sexuality in my life; and of course it comes from the sex-negative teachings of churches.
This, then, was what led the pioneering work of Rev. Troy Perry to give the world MCC in 1968, one year before the Stonewall riots. In his heart Troy knew it was time for people to come out of moral slavery to the promised land of God’s unfailing and unconditional love.
Let’s look at the first example of moral slavery: many young people are nearly driven crazy by church teachings that masturbation is a very nasty shameful sin.
They want to hear what religion is saying, but their very nature, their very psychological being, and what we now know as their very normal self tells them: if masturbation is sinful and ugly and shameful, why do I find it so irresistible, so much a part of the needs of my personhood at this time in my life.
That dilemma pulls them in two directions – with no help from religion. For straight guys, it may seem less shameful to make a baby out of sexual “need” than to masturbate.
That’s when they need somebody who can help them integrate religion and sexuality in their life. Great thinkers, theologians, priests, professors, doctors have led the way in explaining a sex-positive approach to life. Rev. Troy Perry, Fr. Norman Pittenger, Fr. John McNeill and dozens of others have shown us the way.
The whole LGBT world has a tremendous debt of gratitude to the Rev. Troy Perry who had brought the Love of God for Gays and Lesbians out of the closet by founding MCC a year before Stonewall. I had the great privilege of working directly with Rev. Perry for many years, in his office, in his churches.
I have been able to take the books, the thinking, the teachings of Rev. Perry, Fr. Pittenger, Fr. McNeill, and develop a sex-positive approach to lead victims of moral slavery in the Philippines out of these chains of shame and frustration.
There is no justification in the Bible for condemning masturbation. This condemnation, this requirement for Catholics to admit masturbation in the confessional has caused inestimable harm, not only to self esteem, but to the very spiritual and mental health of countless millions of its victims. In short masturbation is a harmless, normal, human function.
Another moral slavery has to do with condoms. It all stems from the very negative view that sex is “bad” unless it is to produce children. The Catholic teaching is that sex is bad unless it is open to the reproduction of children. Of course, condoms would prevent that. Therefore condoms are forbidden, even to prevent AIDS.
But in sex positive theology, as succinctly explained by the famous theologian, Fr. Norman Pittenger, all sex is good – if it is not harmful or forceful. That replaces the sex negative approach all sex is bad that is not open to reproduction of children. Then when condoms were discovered to be an effective prevention of transmitting the HIV virus, the church still clung to its “no condoms” teaching. You and I know that a couple with six kids whom they can’t afford to feed or send to school would be sinful not to use condoms to prevent more starving kids. They would be much better off, morally, spiritually, physically, financially, logically if they would use condoms, and surely God would want that. But wait a minute: the church says, “No problem, just solve it all with ‘no sex.’” That is indeed sex negative and indeed abnormal for anybody, but especially for a married couple, living and sleeping together.
Then there is the moral slavery to the rule that sex is OK only for heterosexual married couples. No room for masturbation or premarital sex, no room for LGBT couples, only sex that is open to making babies.
Liberation from moral slavery involves realizing that sex is also instituted by the Creator for companionship. This is seen even in the Bible, for those who look to the Bible for answers as I do. In creating the second human being, God not only created a mate to “mate with” for populating the earth with human beings, but God is also quoted as saying, “It is not good for a person to be alone.” Sure, populating the earth was a necessity at that time, but God also recognized that companionship is a human necessity.
Let’s look at one more moral slavery. LGBT people are not allowed any sex, in any way, at any time, in their entire life.
Whew! Scientists tell us people do not choose to be LGBT. They are born that way. They do not choose to have a loving attraction to a person of the same gender. That attraction is a wonderful gift, given to them by the Creator.
And that is the same Creator who said it is not good for a person to be alone. Of course heterosexual mating was necessary in the beginning to produce the children of the earth. But, Christians who believe in evolution, and there is no reason not to, believe that same-sex attraction was part of the massive evolution that has taken place across the face of creation over the millions of years. That may be easier for some to believe than to swallow the idea that we once looked like monkeys.
Surely, a just God, a loving God, a caring God, would not allow or cause a significant percentage of the people of creation to come into this world with same-sex attraction and then order them never ever in any way to enjoy the sexual gift given to them. That is very sex negative. And so ridiculous that it is blasphemous to accuse God of it.
Sex positive thinking, on the other hand, opens the door for loving companionship, for committed sex. Father Pittenger says that all sex is good, but loving sex is better, and committed, long term, loving sex is best.
Most of all, the bottom line is “Life, Love, Freedom: One Pride, One Struggle”
Sex positive thinking frees us to be who we are – from the hand of God. And then the right to love as God constitutes us to love. And that includes the basic human right to marry the one we love.
The most basic concept behind the Queer Pride Mass is the unflinching, unfailing, unconditional love of God for each and every LGBT person in the world. The 8th Chapter of St. Paul’s Letter to the Romans tells it completely and clearly. For those who honor the Bible, as I do, that’s the answer. Paul says, “There is no power anywhere that can separate us from the love of God.” That means no church, no civil authority, no prophet can stop God from loving you and me. Nobody, anywhere. We are offered and entitled to God’s love. It is ours for the accepting. God’s arms are held out in embracing love. All we need to do is hug God in return.
That’s just a sample of sex negative and sex positive thinking.
In my own life, I had joined the left-leaning Gay Liberation Front which blossomed 40 years ago after the historic Stonewall moment in 1969. I had opportunities to participate in the huge Pride Marches in Los angels, to take part in the longest Pride March in history, a weeklong trek from the Mexican border through the desert to Phoenix, Arizona. Then I was blessed to be able to work with Rev. Perry, meet Fr. Pittenger and Fr. McNeill, and to write some books on the sub ject, and to teach sex positive theology in the MCC international seminary in Los Angeles.
After 17 years of liberating work in the gay and lesbian communities of Detroit, Chicago, Phoenix, and Los Angeles, I was working as a sex-positive priest and psychologist in New Zealand when I heard that there was not one voice publicly speaking out for the religious rights of LGBT people in the Philippines. In my heart I knew the LGBT people of the Philippines had the right to rightfully claim the unconditional love of God, the right to worship God, the right to be unchained from the moral slavery that drug them down to underserved shame and guilt complexes. They had a right to stable wholistic lives, and somebody had to introduce them to the basic rights that are theirs.
I came here to check it out in June 1991, and I was invited to start a work in the Philippines by a petition of 43 LGBT people who wanted to hear a voice speaking out for them. I resigned from my pastorate in New Zealand with its salary and perks, and came here to answer that calling in September 1991 with no salary, no perks and set up MCC Philippines, the first openly gay and lesbian activist organization in the country to begin the task of liberating LGBT people through sex-positive thinking. I have been privileged to follow that calling for the past 18 years.
In early 1994 Oscar Atadero, an officer in MCC, brought up to me that it was the 25th year anniversary of Stonewall, when gay liberation came out of the closet in America. We talked and decided that it was time for gay liberation to come out of the closet in the Philippines. He was part of the founding of the LGBT activist organizati0n, Pro Gay, in 1992. He arranged that Pro gay and MCC Manila, the organization I had founded in 1991, would co-sponsor the first Gay and Lesbian Pride March and Rally. Oscar Atadero was the real author of that historic event which took place virtually 15 years ago today on June 26, 1994. I gave the keynote address and celebrated the Queer Pride Mass, and we later found out it was the first Gay and Lesbian Pride March in Asia. I had celebrated the first LGBT Pride Mass in the Philippines and delivered the first-ever public LGBT Pride Speech on June 26, 1991 at the main altar of the Cathedral of the Holy Child in Manila with a future bishop and a Methodist Pastor concelebrating, and 50 some people in attendance.
For months after the Pride March in 1994, there was massive media attention to that march and to the growing gay and lesbian movement. We appeared on Mel and Jay and numerous television shows, and, in short, the movement was off and running.
More and more gay and lesbian organizations sprung up. After Reachout AIDS Foundation and Jomar Fleras sponsored large and colorful marches in Malate in 1996, 1997, and 1998, we formed Task Force Pride as a network of more than a dozen organizations plus individuals to carry on the marches in 1999, and TFP, until now, produces the annual Pride March in Manila.
I am very proud that Baguio is celebrating its third Pride March this weekend and I salute you people who are working so hard to pull it off.
I am proud of Rev. Ceejay Agbayani who has gone to seminary for years and been ordained and founded MCC Quezon City.
I am proud of Myke Sotero, your new MCC Baguio pastoral Leader, who has given his all to this work and is enrolled in a theological seminary for this work.
I am proud of William and all you brave and hardworking pioneers who are establishing MCC Baguio. Never forget the noble liberating work you are called to, setting LGBT people free from the chains of sex-negative thinking so they can enjoy wonderful, clean, and beautiful sex-positive thinking and living.
I challenge you all to work together, to collaborate, to support each other’s programs. Nationally, get behind Ang Ladlad, work with other LGBT organizations.
With the help of John Maxwell, ask yourself some questions about your involvement in LGBT liberation in Baguio.
Do you really have a dream for our people?
Ask yourself: does my dream for the LGBT community compel me to work for it?
Do I have a strategy; (in my group and in my personal ways of helping) do I have a strategy for my dream?
Am I willing to pay the price for my dream to come true for the LGBT people of Metro Baguio?
Does my dream fulfill only my ambition, or does it really benefit the community?
Does my dream, does my work, collaborate, cooperate with and help fulfill our common dream, our common hope, and our common destiny?
The Jaycee Creed says, “Service to humanity is the best work of life. Our work is liberating our people, advancing justice and full human rights for our people. Ask yourself: Is that my dream? It begins right here, right where we are, with an attitude of love and cooperation with the others who have this dream.
The time of liberation has come. It is time for the theme of your celebration this week: “Life, Love, Freedom: One Pride, One Struggle.” It is time to live in freedom and dignity the life and love and wonderful gift of sexuality our Creator has given us.
Introduction of Fr. Richard
Fr. Richard R. Mickley, OSAe, Ph.D. is Bishop of the Catholic Diocese of One Spirit Philippines, Abbot of the Order of St. Aelred, a priest and psychologist.
He has been in LGBT ministry for 38 years in the United States, New Zealand, and in the Philippines for the last 18 years. He introduced weddings for same-sex couples to the Philippines in 1991, with his founding of the first openly gay and lesbian activist organization, MCC Manila. He founded the Order of St. Aelred in 1995.
He is a veteran of the Korean War in Korea, a former university dean and professor, and was a successful restauranteur for several years. He worked as a psychologist in Los Angeles. His doctorate is in Clinical Psychology and his masters in Counseling Psychology for Gays and lesbians.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
John McNeill's Open Letter January 2009
About the same time my first "sexuality" book (Christian Sexuality) was published, Fr. John McNeill upset the whole apple cart of rotten sexuality apples and published the first edition of "The Church and the Homosexual," in 1975, if I remember correctly.
Not too long after that I had the great privilege of meeting and talking with this unprecedented Catholic advocate of the rights of gay and lesbian Catholics to be gay and lesbian Catholics.
Of course a lot of other apple carts have been turned over since 1975, and one of them was the action of Cardinal Ratzinger which resulted in Fr. McNeill being forbidden to function as a Catholic priest sacramentally.
He has until this day (when he attends both MCC and Dignity worship) continued to counsel gay and lesbian Christians not only through his books, but as often as possible in personal counseling. RRM
John McNeill’s Open Letter January 2009 REV 1 An Open Letter to Pope Benedict XVI, Cardinal Levada, Cardinal George and all Bishops of the Roman Catholic Church in the World on the Issue of Homosexuality By John J. McNeill, Author, January 2009, with permission
My initial open letter of November 2000 was addressed to the American Bishops at their annual conference. In the past eight-plus years, the contents of the letter have taken on greater relevance and force in the light of new scientific discoveries concerning the nature of homosexual orientation and the psychological and spiritual needs of GLBT people, as well as recent statements from the Roman Catholic Church’s teaching authority out of touch with those discoveries.
As a result, I would like to readdress the letter to the following: Pope Benedict XVI; Cardinal William Levada, prefect of the Congregation of the Doctrine of the Faith (CDF); Cardinal Francis George, president of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) and his fellow American bishops and, finally, to all the bishops of the Roman Catholic Church in the world.
Catholic gay and lesbian people demand that, if the Church wants to be seen as their loving mother, mediating to us God’s unconditional love, the Church has no choice except to enter into dialogue with its gay members.
In 1974, the delegates of DignityUSA’s first national convention requested in a letter that a dialogue be opened between the American bishops and the members of the Catholic gay and lesbian community. With very few exceptions that letter was ignored.
Now, 38 years later, once again I call for open dialogue. For over 38 years, I have ministered as priest and psychotherapist to lesbians and gays. I helped found Dignity/New York to provide a safe and loving community within the Catholic Church for gay people. For over 33 years, I have given retreats for lesbians and gays at Kirkridge, an ecumenical retreat center.
I have written four books on gay spirituality: The Church and the Homosexual, Taking a Chance on God, Freedom, Glorious Freedom and Sex: As God Intended: A Study of Human Sexuality As Play. I also published an autobiography on my own spiritual journey as a gay priest.
As a result of my experience, I have come to the conclusion that what is at stake at this point in time is not only the spiritual and psychological health of many gay and lesbian Catholics and other lesbian and gay Christians. What is at stake is your [the addressees] moral authority to teach on the issue of homosexuality.
In the past, when you undertook a listening process to hear what the Holy Spirit was saying through the People of God, you won our respect. We respected you when you made your statements on the economy, on nuclear warfare and, especially, your aborted effort to draw up a letter on the role of women in the Church. You listened carefully to what women had to say, and drew up your statements responding to what you heard from women.
These actions gave us gay and lesbians reason to hope that the Holy Spirit would lead you into a spirit of willingness to listen to us gay and lesbian Catholics. What is at stake now is your own moral authority! Unless we gay and lesbian Catholics receive the message that you take us seriously and are willing to listen carefully to what the Holy Spirit is saying to you through our lives and our experience, your judgments on homosexuality will be ignored, for the most part, and you will lose what authority you have left to deserve to be listened to with respect on this issue.
I have never heard the same level of courage from the American bishops in dealing with the Vatican as that shown by the Major Superiors of Religious Men in response to the egregious document issued by The Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, entitled, “Some Considerations Concerning Homosexual Persons” as follows: “We view (this document) as a hindrance to the Church leaders of the United States in this most difficult and sensitive area of human living. We are shocked that the statement calls for discrimination against gay men and lesbian women. We find the reasoning for supporting such discrimination to be strained, unconvincing and counterproductive to our statements and actions to support the pastoral needs and personal dignity of such persons.
Far from a help to the Bishops and other religious leaders in the United States Catholic Church, the statement complicates our already complex ministry to all people. “Moreover we find the arguments used to justify discrimination based on stereotypes and falsehoods that are out of touch with modern psychological and sociological understandings of human sexuality. We regret such actions by the CDF and we reaffirm our support for the human rights of all our brothers and sisters.”
As a gay Catholic theologian and psychotherapist, I am fully aware of the enormous destruction recent Vatican and USCCB documents, and news items, as well as actions taken by the USCCB and several state Catholic Conferences in the U.S. leading up to the November 2008 elections, have caused in the psychic life of young Catholic gays, and of the violence they will provoke against all gay people.
This is compounded further by the initial Vatican reaction and opposition to the United Nations proposal sponsored by France and backed by 27 European Union nations which seeks to end the practice of criminalizing and punishing people for their sexual orientation—their very human nature and spiritual being.
I find myself in a dilemma—what kind of faith and trust can I place in a teaching authority that I see clearly acts in an unloving, hateful and destructive way toward my gay family and is more interested in defending its institutional interest than it is in truth and justice?
In the name of the thousands of gay and lesbian Catholics and other Christians to whom it has been my God-given privilege to minister, I make this statement: At this point, the ignorance and distortion of homosexuality, and the use of stereotypes and falsehoods in official Church documents, forces us who are gay Catholics to issue the institutional Church a serious warning.
Your ignorance of homosexuality can no longer be excused as inculpable; it has become of necessity a deliberate and malicious ignorance.
In the name of Catholic gays and lesbians everywhere, we cry out “Enough!” Enough! Enough of your distortions of Scripture.
You continue to claim that a loving homosexual act in a committed relationship is condemned in Scripture, when competent scholars are nearly unanimous in acknowledging that nowhere in Scripture is the problem of sexual acts between two gay men or lesbian women who love each other, ever dealt with, never mind condemned. You must listen to biblical scholars to find out what Scripture truly has to say about homosexual relationships.
Enough! Enough of your efforts to reduce all homosexual acts to expressions of lust, and your refusal to see them as possible expressions of a deep and genuine human love.
The second group you must listen to are competent professional psychiatrists and psychotherapists from whom you can learn about the healthy and positive nature of mature gay and lesbian relationships. They will assure you that homosexual orientation is both not chosen and unchangeable and that any ministry promising to change that orientation is a fraud.
Enough! Enough of your efforts through groups like Courage and other ex-gay ministries to lead young gays to internalize self-hatred with the result that they are able to relate to God only as a God of fear, shame and guilt and lose all hope in a God of mercy and love. What is bad psychology has to be bad theology!
Enough! Enough again, of your efforts to foster hatred, violence, discrimination and rejection of us in the human community, as well as disenfranching our human and civil rights.
We gay and lesbian Catholics pray daily that the Holy Spirit will lead you into a spirit of repentance. You must publicly accept your share of the blame for gay murders and bashing and so many suicides of young gays and ask forgiveness from God and from the gay community.
Enough, also, of driving us from the home of our mother, the Church, and attempting to deny us the fullness of human intimacy and sexual love. You frequently base that denial by an appeal to the dead letter of the “natural law.” Another group to whom you must listen are the moral theologians who, as a majority, argue that natural law is no longer an adequate basis for dealing with sexual questions. They must be dealt with within the context of interpersonal human relationships.
Above all else, you must enter into dialogue with the gay and lesbian members of the Catholic community. We are the ones living out the human experience of a gay orientation, so we alone can discern directly in our experience what God’s spirit is saying to us. And for the first time in history, you have gay and lesbian Catholic communities of worship and prayer who are seeking individually and collectively to hear what the Spirit is saying to them in their gay experience—what experiences lead to the peace and joy of oneness with the Spirit of God and what experiences lead away from that peace and joy!
God gave you the commission of discerning the truth. But there is no mandate from Jesus Christ to “create” the truth. We pray daily that the Holy Spirit will lead you to search humbly for the truth concerning homosexuality through dialogue with your lesbian sisters and gay brothers.
The only consolation I can offer gay and lesbian Catholics in the meantime is the profound hope that the very absurdity and hateful spirit of recent Vatican and USCCB documents, news items and political actions will lead gay Catholics to refuse them and recognize the contradiction of
I work, hope and pray that lesbian and gay Catholics and other gay Christians will exercise their legitimate freedom of conscience, discerning what God is saying to them directly through their gay experience.
I hope, too, that they will be able to de-fang the poisons of pathologically homophobic religion, accepting the good news that God loves them and accepts them as gays
I believe that we are at the moment of a special “kairos” in this matter. The Holy Spirit is “doing something new.”
I was the guest at a gay ecumenical community that established homes for adult retarded people in the city of Basel in Switzerland. The extraordinary spirit of love and compassion that permeated that community was a foretaste of what lies in the future.
I believe there is a vast reservoir of human and divine love that has remained until now untapped because of prejudice and homophobia. The Spirit is calling on you to help release that vast potential of human and divine love through your actions.
Please be assured that the actions of Soulforce and DignityUSA at USCCB national conferences are based in profound respect and love. The worldwide prayerful vigils in December 2008 were to raise our concerned voices over the stance taken by the Vatican to perpetuate the criminalization, incarceration and death sentences towards people of a homosexual orientation.
It is not only counterproductive, it violates your own teaching that all persons are due dignity and respect and that homosexual persons should not suffer violence, injustice and discrimination.
Furthermore, that they should be welcomed as full and equal members of the Church and society. We pray and hope that the same Holy Spirit who has graciously liberated us who are gay to self-respect and self-love will liberate in you, our Catholic leaders, a profound love for your gay brothers and lesbian sisters and melt away all prejudice and judgmentalism in your hearts.
May you make us welcome as full members in your family in Christ. May God bless your efforts! Sincerely in Christ John J. McNeill
Editor’s Notes: The open letter to the USCCB of November 2000 is currently popping up on several Internet user groups and blogsites, and appears in the Appendix in John’s latest book, Sex as God Intended: A Reflection on Human Sexuality as Play.
Since the release of John’s open letter, there have been numerous documents and communications promulgated by the Pope, Vatican offices and USCCB on matters related to homosexuality. Even more so during 2008. Except for minor nuances, they contain the same repetitive rhetoric. Repetition of falsehoods, erroneous interpretations and bad logic doesn’t make for “the truth” and mitigates our trust and respect of “the teaching authority.”
I was in communication with John from the last week of December 2008 through early January 2009 . I learned he had but one response from a bishop of the United States in response to his initial open letter.
John has issued this update and said that while announced as an open letter to the Pope, Cardinals Levada and George and the bishops of the world, it was also directed to ordinary gay Catholics for their discernment and investigation of personal and collective lived experience.
John suggests that the more out of touch the hierarchy of the Catholic Church get, “…the more we learn in a painful way to let go and grow up spiritually.” He calls it “…the blessing of fallibility. We are witnessing the birth pangs of the Church of the Holy Spirit.”
Not too long after that I had the great privilege of meeting and talking with this unprecedented Catholic advocate of the rights of gay and lesbian Catholics to be gay and lesbian Catholics.
Of course a lot of other apple carts have been turned over since 1975, and one of them was the action of Cardinal Ratzinger which resulted in Fr. McNeill being forbidden to function as a Catholic priest sacramentally.
He has until this day (when he attends both MCC and Dignity worship) continued to counsel gay and lesbian Christians not only through his books, but as often as possible in personal counseling. RRM
John McNeill’s Open Letter January 2009 REV 1 An Open Letter to Pope Benedict XVI, Cardinal Levada, Cardinal George and all Bishops of the Roman Catholic Church in the World on the Issue of Homosexuality By John J. McNeill, Author, January 2009, with permission
My initial open letter of November 2000 was addressed to the American Bishops at their annual conference. In the past eight-plus years, the contents of the letter have taken on greater relevance and force in the light of new scientific discoveries concerning the nature of homosexual orientation and the psychological and spiritual needs of GLBT people, as well as recent statements from the Roman Catholic Church’s teaching authority out of touch with those discoveries.
As a result, I would like to readdress the letter to the following: Pope Benedict XVI; Cardinal William Levada, prefect of the Congregation of the Doctrine of the Faith (CDF); Cardinal Francis George, president of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) and his fellow American bishops and, finally, to all the bishops of the Roman Catholic Church in the world.
Catholic gay and lesbian people demand that, if the Church wants to be seen as their loving mother, mediating to us God’s unconditional love, the Church has no choice except to enter into dialogue with its gay members.
In 1974, the delegates of DignityUSA’s first national convention requested in a letter that a dialogue be opened between the American bishops and the members of the Catholic gay and lesbian community. With very few exceptions that letter was ignored.
Now, 38 years later, once again I call for open dialogue. For over 38 years, I have ministered as priest and psychotherapist to lesbians and gays. I helped found Dignity/New York to provide a safe and loving community within the Catholic Church for gay people. For over 33 years, I have given retreats for lesbians and gays at Kirkridge, an ecumenical retreat center.
I have written four books on gay spirituality: The Church and the Homosexual, Taking a Chance on God, Freedom, Glorious Freedom and Sex: As God Intended: A Study of Human Sexuality As Play. I also published an autobiography on my own spiritual journey as a gay priest.
As a result of my experience, I have come to the conclusion that what is at stake at this point in time is not only the spiritual and psychological health of many gay and lesbian Catholics and other lesbian and gay Christians. What is at stake is your [the addressees] moral authority to teach on the issue of homosexuality.
In the past, when you undertook a listening process to hear what the Holy Spirit was saying through the People of God, you won our respect. We respected you when you made your statements on the economy, on nuclear warfare and, especially, your aborted effort to draw up a letter on the role of women in the Church. You listened carefully to what women had to say, and drew up your statements responding to what you heard from women.
These actions gave us gay and lesbians reason to hope that the Holy Spirit would lead you into a spirit of willingness to listen to us gay and lesbian Catholics. What is at stake now is your own moral authority! Unless we gay and lesbian Catholics receive the message that you take us seriously and are willing to listen carefully to what the Holy Spirit is saying to you through our lives and our experience, your judgments on homosexuality will be ignored, for the most part, and you will lose what authority you have left to deserve to be listened to with respect on this issue.
I have never heard the same level of courage from the American bishops in dealing with the Vatican as that shown by the Major Superiors of Religious Men in response to the egregious document issued by The Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, entitled, “Some Considerations Concerning Homosexual Persons” as follows: “We view (this document) as a hindrance to the Church leaders of the United States in this most difficult and sensitive area of human living. We are shocked that the statement calls for discrimination against gay men and lesbian women. We find the reasoning for supporting such discrimination to be strained, unconvincing and counterproductive to our statements and actions to support the pastoral needs and personal dignity of such persons.
Far from a help to the Bishops and other religious leaders in the United States Catholic Church, the statement complicates our already complex ministry to all people. “Moreover we find the arguments used to justify discrimination based on stereotypes and falsehoods that are out of touch with modern psychological and sociological understandings of human sexuality. We regret such actions by the CDF and we reaffirm our support for the human rights of all our brothers and sisters.”
As a gay Catholic theologian and psychotherapist, I am fully aware of the enormous destruction recent Vatican and USCCB documents, and news items, as well as actions taken by the USCCB and several state Catholic Conferences in the U.S. leading up to the November 2008 elections, have caused in the psychic life of young Catholic gays, and of the violence they will provoke against all gay people.
This is compounded further by the initial Vatican reaction and opposition to the United Nations proposal sponsored by France and backed by 27 European Union nations which seeks to end the practice of criminalizing and punishing people for their sexual orientation—their very human nature and spiritual being.
I find myself in a dilemma—what kind of faith and trust can I place in a teaching authority that I see clearly acts in an unloving, hateful and destructive way toward my gay family and is more interested in defending its institutional interest than it is in truth and justice?
In the name of the thousands of gay and lesbian Catholics and other Christians to whom it has been my God-given privilege to minister, I make this statement: At this point, the ignorance and distortion of homosexuality, and the use of stereotypes and falsehoods in official Church documents, forces us who are gay Catholics to issue the institutional Church a serious warning.
Your ignorance of homosexuality can no longer be excused as inculpable; it has become of necessity a deliberate and malicious ignorance.
In the name of Catholic gays and lesbians everywhere, we cry out “Enough!” Enough! Enough of your distortions of Scripture.
You continue to claim that a loving homosexual act in a committed relationship is condemned in Scripture, when competent scholars are nearly unanimous in acknowledging that nowhere in Scripture is the problem of sexual acts between two gay men or lesbian women who love each other, ever dealt with, never mind condemned. You must listen to biblical scholars to find out what Scripture truly has to say about homosexual relationships.
Enough! Enough of your efforts to reduce all homosexual acts to expressions of lust, and your refusal to see them as possible expressions of a deep and genuine human love.
The second group you must listen to are competent professional psychiatrists and psychotherapists from whom you can learn about the healthy and positive nature of mature gay and lesbian relationships. They will assure you that homosexual orientation is both not chosen and unchangeable and that any ministry promising to change that orientation is a fraud.
Enough! Enough of your efforts through groups like Courage and other ex-gay ministries to lead young gays to internalize self-hatred with the result that they are able to relate to God only as a God of fear, shame and guilt and lose all hope in a God of mercy and love. What is bad psychology has to be bad theology!
Enough! Enough again, of your efforts to foster hatred, violence, discrimination and rejection of us in the human community, as well as disenfranching our human and civil rights.
We gay and lesbian Catholics pray daily that the Holy Spirit will lead you into a spirit of repentance. You must publicly accept your share of the blame for gay murders and bashing and so many suicides of young gays and ask forgiveness from God and from the gay community.
Enough, also, of driving us from the home of our mother, the Church, and attempting to deny us the fullness of human intimacy and sexual love. You frequently base that denial by an appeal to the dead letter of the “natural law.” Another group to whom you must listen are the moral theologians who, as a majority, argue that natural law is no longer an adequate basis for dealing with sexual questions. They must be dealt with within the context of interpersonal human relationships.
Above all else, you must enter into dialogue with the gay and lesbian members of the Catholic community. We are the ones living out the human experience of a gay orientation, so we alone can discern directly in our experience what God’s spirit is saying to us. And for the first time in history, you have gay and lesbian Catholic communities of worship and prayer who are seeking individually and collectively to hear what the Spirit is saying to them in their gay experience—what experiences lead to the peace and joy of oneness with the Spirit of God and what experiences lead away from that peace and joy!
God gave you the commission of discerning the truth. But there is no mandate from Jesus Christ to “create” the truth. We pray daily that the Holy Spirit will lead you to search humbly for the truth concerning homosexuality through dialogue with your lesbian sisters and gay brothers.
The only consolation I can offer gay and lesbian Catholics in the meantime is the profound hope that the very absurdity and hateful spirit of recent Vatican and USCCB documents, news items and political actions will lead gay Catholics to refuse them and recognize the contradiction of
I work, hope and pray that lesbian and gay Catholics and other gay Christians will exercise their legitimate freedom of conscience, discerning what God is saying to them directly through their gay experience.
I hope, too, that they will be able to de-fang the poisons of pathologically homophobic religion, accepting the good news that God loves them and accepts them as gays
I believe that we are at the moment of a special “kairos” in this matter. The Holy Spirit is “doing something new.”
I was the guest at a gay ecumenical community that established homes for adult retarded people in the city of Basel in Switzerland. The extraordinary spirit of love and compassion that permeated that community was a foretaste of what lies in the future.
I believe there is a vast reservoir of human and divine love that has remained until now untapped because of prejudice and homophobia. The Spirit is calling on you to help release that vast potential of human and divine love through your actions.
Please be assured that the actions of Soulforce and DignityUSA at USCCB national conferences are based in profound respect and love. The worldwide prayerful vigils in December 2008 were to raise our concerned voices over the stance taken by the Vatican to perpetuate the criminalization, incarceration and death sentences towards people of a homosexual orientation.
It is not only counterproductive, it violates your own teaching that all persons are due dignity and respect and that homosexual persons should not suffer violence, injustice and discrimination.
Furthermore, that they should be welcomed as full and equal members of the Church and society. We pray and hope that the same Holy Spirit who has graciously liberated us who are gay to self-respect and self-love will liberate in you, our Catholic leaders, a profound love for your gay brothers and lesbian sisters and melt away all prejudice and judgmentalism in your hearts.
May you make us welcome as full members in your family in Christ. May God bless your efforts! Sincerely in Christ John J. McNeill
Editor’s Notes: The open letter to the USCCB of November 2000 is currently popping up on several Internet user groups and blogsites, and appears in the Appendix in John’s latest book, Sex as God Intended: A Reflection on Human Sexuality as Play.
Since the release of John’s open letter, there have been numerous documents and communications promulgated by the Pope, Vatican offices and USCCB on matters related to homosexuality. Even more so during 2008. Except for minor nuances, they contain the same repetitive rhetoric. Repetition of falsehoods, erroneous interpretations and bad logic doesn’t make for “the truth” and mitigates our trust and respect of “the teaching authority.”
I was in communication with John from the last week of December 2008 through early January 2009 . I learned he had but one response from a bishop of the United States in response to his initial open letter.
John has issued this update and said that while announced as an open letter to the Pope, Cardinals Levada and George and the bishops of the world, it was also directed to ordinary gay Catholics for their discernment and investigation of personal and collective lived experience.
John suggests that the more out of touch the hierarchy of the Catholic Church get, “…the more we learn in a painful way to let go and grow up spiritually.” He calls it “…the blessing of fallibility. We are witnessing the birth pangs of the Church of the Holy Spirit.”
St. Aelred Lenten Retreat 2009
In the newspaper today I saw no less than six story-ads for people to “Come here for a Lenten Retreat.”
Of course some people would prefer to retreat to Boracay. And that is not a sin. Heavens no. It could be heavenly.
And surely some will prefer to retreat to Facebook. And some enjoy that a lot.
Our ministry is mainly with LGBT people, and any kind of retreat is remote from the thinking of many LGBT people. Our ministry is to get across the message that it is OK to be L or G or B or T AND Christian – that it is their choice, not the call of any institution. Those from Quezon City we refer to MCC Quezon City (see their website) for Sunday worship. Those who find that geographically or spiritually inopportune, we invite to participate in our cyber ministry.
If you are one of those who have joined us in our cyber retreat in past years, you are welcome to join us again this year. If you are looking for a Holy Week Retreat where you don’t leave home, don’t have the distraction of a white sand beach, and just plain want to “start over,” we invite you to join us this year for our “St. Aelred Holy Week Cyber Retreat, 2009.”
How it works
Proceed at your own pace, at your own choice of place, and proceed as you feel comfortable.
How do you proceed? Read a selection of the Retreat Reading (below). When you come to a “Stop and Reflect” junction, take a few minutes and jot down your reflections and gmail them back to me for interaction. You can cut and paste your reflections and email them to saintaelred@gmail.com.
Some people think that all LGBT people are only pleasure-seeking, and I want to confirm that in my 17 years in the Philippines, I have found very few people, if any, straight, blah, or LGBT who are not pleasure seeking, including myself. You can even imagine Jesus encouraged some of that when he said he came that we might have life “to the full.” So, of course pleasure is not evil, whether it comes from food, drink, sex, or prayer.
And also, so, of course, it takes a mature person to sort out when pleasure is good and when it is evil (if ever).
Prayer
Oh God, I start this holy Lenten and Holy Week retreat thanking you, as I do every day, every moment, of my life for your unlimited, unconditional love.
And especially at this time, my loving God, I thank you that it was from the Love poured out in the way of the Cross in that first Holy Week, that I have witnessed the example of “no greater love has any person than the one who gives one’s life for the loved one(s).”
Help me, loving God, to give my life in unselfish sacrifice for the one(s) I love.
Starting Over #1
When we think of “Starting Over,” the end objective this time is clear. We focus on the End Objective and then take steps to get ourselves there – by starting over.
In the Order of St. Aelred,
The End Objective is:
Love God,
Love family and family of friends,
Love what I do,
Love people in true friendship
Let people love me,
Keep loving myself.
Bring others into true friendship
Surely there can be a lot of pleasure in that. The best is yet to come.
In getting to where we are now we made a lot of choices.
Some choices are detours that lead me astray,
Some choices are short cuts to success,
Some are shortcuts that turn out to be long cuts,
Sometimes our choice is to stop and rest.
STOP AND REFLECT
Have I decided to take a little time out to look at myself, at my EO? WHY? Why not? Why am I here?
2. Is the general Christian EO (the St. Aelred EO) good enough? Why? Why Not?
3. Do I have to die and lie in a casket to “die for another”? Can I lay down my life (die to myself in unselfish love) in any other way?
In getting to where I am now I have made choices. What effects did they have?
a. Some choices were detours that led me astray,
b. Some choices were short cuts to success,
Some were shortcuts that turned out to be long cuts,
Sometimes my choice was to stop and rest.
Sometimes my choices were dictated by my “moral slavery” to what “somebody” said was sinful pleasure.
(Reading continued)
In getting to the EO we will make a lot of choices.
In the past we changed priorities time and again. We made good choices
and we made mistakes. Our mistakes can be crucial parts of our path to the EO.
We start over, one foot first, one step at a time. We make choices.
We take chances. We start over and keep on keeping on.
“Starting Over” requires
1. Maintaining an attitude of honesty
Openness: really opening ourselves to see if we are in moral slavery to concepts like: masturbation is a sin (absurd), the Bible condemns same-sex love (absurd), condoms are sinful (absurd), only heterosexual married couples can have love and sex (absurd), the people God brings into this world as LGBT people are not allowed any sex, at any time, any where, in any way in their entire lives (absurd).
2. Willingness to try
Connecting with a partner or family of friends who are “‘Starting Over.”
3. Have a “starting over partner” who works with us
Especially in the beginning many people have a difficult time getting started on “starting over.” Every excuse pops up. There’s always something else that has to be done. A sincere “starting over partner” will help us set our priorities and stick to them.
This person *Agrees to be your partner.
* Will be honest about your progress.
* Will help you keep your focus on the steps to the EO.
* Will support you in working toward the EO.
STOP AND REFLECT
Years ago, I had such a wonderful friend. His name was Bob. We were both so intent on getting to the EO, that we really worked at it seriously. Every Thursday morning at 7:00 a.m., before going to work, we met at a certain restaurant and * Were honest about our progress.
* helped each other keep our focus on the steps to the EO.
* supported each other in working toward the EO.
Do you have a spiritual friend, who could become such a spiritual friend?
Do you like the idea of a spiritual friend like this?
Can you imagine what spiritual joy it would bring?
You are willing to be completely open about everything.?
You are willing to examine what “moral slavery” may be doing to your life?
(Reading Continued)
All this means “Starting Over” will be a priority in our life. We will not go to extremes and neglect aspects of our life which require our ongoing attention. We will not neglect our progress toward to the EO. We will live one day at a time. We will live within our own human limits. That means what we can handle physically, but also what we need to do to maintain balance in our life in work and social responsibilities.
If we really want to “Start Over” toward a life that is different and better,
If we really want to move toward to the End Objective (EO),
we can take certain steps to get better
and move toward the EO.
Actually “Starting Over” is a program. We say that the program does not just happen; we need to “work the program,” an expression used to mean “work on” the things that make the program effective for me (you).
There is something beautiful, intelligent, sensitive, creative, loving and caring about each of us. It’s the obstacles, the compulsions that destroy people. These things are like deadly diseases.
We are speaking of a 12-Step Program. The 12-Step “starting over” program is not merely a “medicine,” it is a program that leads to the EO, a guide to living peacefully, happily, successfully.
In general 12-step programs are not religious programs, but they are indeed spiritual programs. The Starting Over 12-Step Program is adapted to the beliefs of The Order of St. Aelred, and it is indeed a spiritual program.
Furthermore as we progress in the program, we develop the foundation for our complete intellectual, physical, spiritual, and emotional well-being. By “working” the 12 Steps, greater and greater insights will occur. Along with that we find previously untapped sources of strength, peace, and serenity.
The Serenity Prayer
God, grant me
Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can, and
Wisdom to know the difference.
This is a 12-Step program. Each step has a special purpose. All 12 Steps taken in order will lead to the EO.
None of the steps can be taken hastily. Each one has to be deliberate (not speedy), thoughtful (not just reporting it), feelings that represent the reality (not absence of feelings), acceptance of the truth (not denial or defensiveness), acknowledging the impact on my life (not denying impact). So today we begin to take the first step. I admit that a certain obstacle has become a part of my life (not just something that can be easily fixed).
The tendency is to avoid even taking the Steps, especially the first one. Some of the reasons are:
lack of courage
(or even worse, “I can handle it myself”);
inadequate preparation or
failure to recognize the importance and value of the Step,
especially the First Step.
If you have not fully discussed it with your “Starting Over Partner,” do not proceed. The First Step is the most important. Just as saying no to the first drink is saving step of the alcoholic, so the First Step pf the Program is the first mountain climbed toward the EO.
STOP AND REFLECT
First, think about serenity.
Is serenity worthwhile? Is it a good starting point for “starting over”? What is serenity for me?
Am I courageous? Am I willing to pray for courage? What do I need courage for?
If I were going to ask for WISDOM, what do I most want WISDOM for?
If any of the following apply to you, the “Starting Over” program is designed for you.
Feelings of low self esteem; ?
desperate for love and approval; ?
live life as a victim; ?
denial or minimizing of feelings; ?
isolation, shame, inappropriate guilt; ?
feelings of being hopeless and helpless, ?
unquestioning acceptance of moral slavery, ?
just plain wanting to move more to the EO. ?
Do I have the courage? Do I want the courage to enter a 12-step program?
The First Step – Step #1 – is:
I admit I have been letting something hold me back, allowing something to control my life, and permitting something to lead me away from the end objective.
I have let my life become unmanageable over this “thing” in my life. It has kept me from the EO. I have allowed it to destroy my peace and my progress.
For some it is alcohol, for others drugs, for some excessive smoking, for others addiction to compulsive sex, for some it’s over eating, for others it’s dependency on something or someone; for some it’s the need for more and moré movies or something else, and for too many it is blind acceptance of the shackles (handcuffs) of moral slavery.
Am I able to identify my biggest stumbling block?
Am I able to recognize this obstacle to progress towards the EO?
If so, then the next move is:
Am I able to admit I have been out of control with this matter?
Can I say,
“I am _____________(so and so), and I have been powerless over_____________________.”
Today, the question is only: can I identify and admit my stumbling block, What is it and
How has it held a grip on me that has strangled my progress?
Do I recognize what it has done to me?
It’s sharing time. You have not “taken” the First Step (or any Step) until you share with your Starting over partner (and preferably others in the program with you).
Taking the First Step means more than “going through the motions.” Taking the First Step means really knowing and admitting (and feeling it) how you have been out of control over this matter, how it has become unmanageable, and how you have been powerless over it.
You have to be ready to admit (to others and yourself) that you have reached the bottom and by yourself and by your methods you have not been able to take control over this aspect of your life – and it has held you back from the EO.
Have I looked at myself in depth? Have I really examined this “thing” that has overpowered me. Is it easy to spot – like the drunkenness that caused the auto accident, or is it more subtle in its impact on my life?
In the following work sheet (check list), if an item does not seem to apply to you, leave it blank, but be prepared to share with your partner(s) why you left it blank.
In the space after the aspect of “obstacles to EO” give one or more examples of how it applies to you.
STOP AND REFLECT
1. I spend time fantasizing about my “obstacle,” wanting it, feeling attracted to it.
2. I make attempts to control my behavior in this regard.
3. I have given in to lying, covering up, or minimizing (making light of) my behavior in this regard.
4. I keep trying to understand my behavior in this regard or even rationalize and make it seem reasonable.
5. Honestly it has some detrimental effects on my physical health.
6. Sometimes I feel quite miserable, feeling guilty or shameful about my behavior on this.
7. It has detrimental effects on my emotional health (how I feel about myself, how I experience being mad, sad, glad, or scared).
8. It has detrimental effects n my social life.
9. It has detrimental effects on my work or school life.
10. It has taken its toll on my character, morals, or values. (For many of us, what we thought was immoral may not have been as immoral as we thought, but we allowed ourselves to remain in moral slavery…)
11. It has been harmful to my spirituality.
12. It has had negative effects on my financial situation.
13. It has brought me into contact with police or courts…
14. Has my preoccupation with this thing led me to insane or strange behavior?
15. Has it ever caused me to have a memory loss.
16. Has it ever led me to destructive behavior toward myself of others?
17. Has my indulgence in this led to accidents or other dangerous situations?
18. Do I try to cover it up by keeping overly busy or unnecessarily occupied?
19. Do I feel depressed a lot of the time? Can I trace any of it to my “problem”?
20. Am I able to share my feeling (with my sharing partner)? If not, why not?
21. Have I changed my physical image to accommodate this thing in my life?
22. Have I made promises to myself that I have broken?
23. Have I denied that I have problem in this regard?
24. Has this problem or behavior affected my self esteem?
25. Have I tried to relieve my pain about this? How?
26. Have I tried to get people to support my addiction to this thing, or manipulated people to supporting me? How?
27. Have I given up any worthwhile pursuits (even hobbies or sports or even family) under the power of this thing? What were these?
28. In what ways have I been powerless over this thing?
29. In what ways has my life become unmanageable because of this thing?
(Reading continues)
A moment of reflection
In The Order of St. Aelred we have a unique challenge, a cutting edge liminal mission which calls us to not only to move toward the all important EO given us by Jesus himself, but to carry it out as our purpose in life.
Jesus gave us the whole message about loving God and loving one another.
St. Aelred himself expresses it for us in terms of friendship.
The Order of St. Aelred gives us the caring family where we live the message of love and friendship according to the True Friendship St. Aelred teaches us (see OSAe website).
Why is it we cannot go directly to the EO without detours and pitfalls? St. Paul tells us (Romans 10:10) that all of us have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. We can interpret that word “sin” to refer to our allowing something to stop us from the EO and thus fall short of all the peace that comes with the End Objective.
This Step may seem negative, but it is a very positive step forward towards a very positive program. One day at a time, we will work on “Starting Over” and making positive progress toward the EO.
STOP AND REFLECT
Finally, I will summarize my feelings about taking the First Step:
Is there anything in the Serenity prayer that suggests to me something I would like to make a part of my daily life?
(Reading continues and concludes)
CONCLUSION
Holy Week Retreat 2009
It is my prayer that in some way your life has been enriched by this reflection. Always feel welcome to discuss any form of continuation with me.
God loves you; Jesus is always with you.
During this Lenten season, especially during the commemoration of our salvation during Holy Week, we look into our hearts and examine our lives.
Whatever we find that separates us from the full unconditional love of God – whatever it is, it is there because we allow it to be there.
We know this because St. Paul tells us in no uncertain terms in Romans 8 that nothing can separate us from the love of God. Therefore, if nothing outside of us can keep God from loving us, then, only we ourselves can build a barrier to God’s love coming in to us.
The Love of Jesus went out to us from the Cross on that first Good Friday. and that love will never stop embracing us. We have the power and the privilege to accept it.
And when we are ready to cleanse ourselves in Step One, we can move on to enjoy the pleasure of Steps Two to Twelve.
Let us Pray: (From the St. Aelred commnity Prayer Book)
Lord Jesus, you are never far from those who pray to you.
I open myself to you as you are present here with me.
May your Word speak to my heart
And bring peace to my restlessness
As I listen to your Word,
God, help me to live one day at a time,
Not to be thinking about what might have been,
And not be worrying about what may be.
Help me accept the fact that I cannot undo the past,
And I cannot foresee the future.
As I face today, help me always remember
That I will never be tried beyond what I can bear,
That your loving hand will never cause your child a needless tear,
That I cannot ever drift beyond your love and care,
So help me live today in courage and cheerfulness and peace.
I want to quote our concluding prayer, with adaptations, from "A Book of Prayer for Gay and Lesbian Christians" by William Storey. (A beautiful Book of Prayer, compiled by a retired professor of Prayer at the fabled Notre Dame University, who has lived with his same-sex partner for more than a quarter of a century.) The book was called to my attention by a very spiritual gay man here who uses this and another Prayer Book in his daily prayer.
God of my life,
there are days
when the burdens I carry
bend down my shoulders
and weigh me down,
when the road
seems dreary and endless,
the skies gray and threatening;
when my life has no music in it,
and my heart is lonely,
and my soul has lost its courage.
Flood my path with light,
turn my eyes to where
the skies are full of promise;
tune my heart to brave music;
give me a sense of comradship
with the saints
and heroes of every age;
quicken my spirit
that I may be able to encourage
the souls of all those
who journey with me
on the road of life
to your honor and glory.
The general principles of “Starting Over” are common to 12 Step programs, and words, even sentences, have been obtained from the dozens of publications on these programs. Starting Over is a synthesis of existing 12 Step programs with OSAe principles, philosophy, and spirituality.
© OSAe 2004
Steps 2 to 12 are included here in openness to the retreatant, to help with the decision of whether to continue “starting over” in this way.
The Second Step -- Step #2 -- is:
I believe that God is a Power greater than my obstacles, and God can restore me to sanity and progress in starting over.
The Third Step – Step #3 – is:
I make a decision to turn my will and my life over to God and accept God’s unconditional friendship. I will “let go and let God” rule my life.
The Fourth Step – Step #4 – is:
I make a searching and fearless moral inventory of my life, my strengths and weaknesses, my honesty, my integrity, my fruits of the Spirit, my living in friendship with God and others.
The Fifth Step – Step #5 – is:
I admit to God, to myself, and to one other human being the honest state of my moral inventory.
The Sixth Step – Step #6 – is:
As I face the truth about myself, I am entirely ready to give God thanks for my strengths, and to have God remove all that is holding my back from true friendship with God and others.
The Seventh Step – Step #7 – is:
I humbly thank God for my strengths and ask God to remove all my shortcomings, stumbling blocks, and obstacles.
The Eighth Step – Step #8 – is:
Putting my words into action, I make a list of all people I have harmed and become sincerely willing to do what is right to make amends to them all.
The Ninth Step – Step #9 – is:
I make amends as it is proper and appropriate to the persons I have harmed wherever possible, except in situations where doing so would injure them or others.
The Tenth Step – Step # 10 – is:
Daily, if possible, and with one other human being if I choose, I continue to examine my life on the issues of honesty, integrity, fruits of the Spirit, and friendship with God and others.
The Eleventh Step – Step # 11 – is:
I seek through prayer and meditation, frequent or ceaseless communication with God, to deepen my friendship with God, living ever in deeper union with Jesus, God who became human like me, my Ruler, my Redeemer, my Friend.
The Twelfth Step – Step #12 – is:
Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, and having begun the process of “starting over” and entering into a life-saving friendship with God, I try to carry this message to others and continue to practice these principles day by day.
CONCLUSION
Holy Week Retreat 2009
It is my prayer that in some way your life has been enriched by this reflection. Always feel welcome to discuss any form of continuation with me.
God loves you; Jesus is always with you.
Of course some people would prefer to retreat to Boracay. And that is not a sin. Heavens no. It could be heavenly.
And surely some will prefer to retreat to Facebook. And some enjoy that a lot.
Our ministry is mainly with LGBT people, and any kind of retreat is remote from the thinking of many LGBT people. Our ministry is to get across the message that it is OK to be L or G or B or T AND Christian – that it is their choice, not the call of any institution. Those from Quezon City we refer to MCC Quezon City (see their website) for Sunday worship. Those who find that geographically or spiritually inopportune, we invite to participate in our cyber ministry.
If you are one of those who have joined us in our cyber retreat in past years, you are welcome to join us again this year. If you are looking for a Holy Week Retreat where you don’t leave home, don’t have the distraction of a white sand beach, and just plain want to “start over,” we invite you to join us this year for our “St. Aelred Holy Week Cyber Retreat, 2009.”
How it works
Proceed at your own pace, at your own choice of place, and proceed as you feel comfortable.
How do you proceed? Read a selection of the Retreat Reading (below). When you come to a “Stop and Reflect” junction, take a few minutes and jot down your reflections and gmail them back to me for interaction. You can cut and paste your reflections and email them to saintaelred@gmail.com.
Some people think that all LGBT people are only pleasure-seeking, and I want to confirm that in my 17 years in the Philippines, I have found very few people, if any, straight, blah, or LGBT who are not pleasure seeking, including myself. You can even imagine Jesus encouraged some of that when he said he came that we might have life “to the full.” So, of course pleasure is not evil, whether it comes from food, drink, sex, or prayer.
And also, so, of course, it takes a mature person to sort out when pleasure is good and when it is evil (if ever).
Prayer
Oh God, I start this holy Lenten and Holy Week retreat thanking you, as I do every day, every moment, of my life for your unlimited, unconditional love.
And especially at this time, my loving God, I thank you that it was from the Love poured out in the way of the Cross in that first Holy Week, that I have witnessed the example of “no greater love has any person than the one who gives one’s life for the loved one(s).”
Help me, loving God, to give my life in unselfish sacrifice for the one(s) I love.
Starting Over #1
When we think of “Starting Over,” the end objective this time is clear. We focus on the End Objective and then take steps to get ourselves there – by starting over.
In the Order of St. Aelred,
The End Objective is:
Love God,
Love family and family of friends,
Love what I do,
Love people in true friendship
Let people love me,
Keep loving myself.
Bring others into true friendship
Surely there can be a lot of pleasure in that. The best is yet to come.
In getting to where we are now we made a lot of choices.
Some choices are detours that lead me astray,
Some choices are short cuts to success,
Some are shortcuts that turn out to be long cuts,
Sometimes our choice is to stop and rest.
STOP AND REFLECT
Have I decided to take a little time out to look at myself, at my EO? WHY? Why not? Why am I here?
2. Is the general Christian EO (the St. Aelred EO) good enough? Why? Why Not?
3. Do I have to die and lie in a casket to “die for another”? Can I lay down my life (die to myself in unselfish love) in any other way?
In getting to where I am now I have made choices. What effects did they have?
a. Some choices were detours that led me astray,
b. Some choices were short cuts to success,
Some were shortcuts that turned out to be long cuts,
Sometimes my choice was to stop and rest.
Sometimes my choices were dictated by my “moral slavery” to what “somebody” said was sinful pleasure.
(Reading continued)
In getting to the EO we will make a lot of choices.
In the past we changed priorities time and again. We made good choices
and we made mistakes. Our mistakes can be crucial parts of our path to the EO.
We start over, one foot first, one step at a time. We make choices.
We take chances. We start over and keep on keeping on.
“Starting Over” requires
1. Maintaining an attitude of honesty
Openness: really opening ourselves to see if we are in moral slavery to concepts like: masturbation is a sin (absurd), the Bible condemns same-sex love (absurd), condoms are sinful (absurd), only heterosexual married couples can have love and sex (absurd), the people God brings into this world as LGBT people are not allowed any sex, at any time, any where, in any way in their entire lives (absurd).
2. Willingness to try
Connecting with a partner or family of friends who are “‘Starting Over.”
3. Have a “starting over partner” who works with us
Especially in the beginning many people have a difficult time getting started on “starting over.” Every excuse pops up. There’s always something else that has to be done. A sincere “starting over partner” will help us set our priorities and stick to them.
This person *Agrees to be your partner.
* Will be honest about your progress.
* Will help you keep your focus on the steps to the EO.
* Will support you in working toward the EO.
STOP AND REFLECT
Years ago, I had such a wonderful friend. His name was Bob. We were both so intent on getting to the EO, that we really worked at it seriously. Every Thursday morning at 7:00 a.m., before going to work, we met at a certain restaurant and * Were honest about our progress.
* helped each other keep our focus on the steps to the EO.
* supported each other in working toward the EO.
Do you have a spiritual friend, who could become such a spiritual friend?
Do you like the idea of a spiritual friend like this?
Can you imagine what spiritual joy it would bring?
You are willing to be completely open about everything.?
You are willing to examine what “moral slavery” may be doing to your life?
(Reading Continued)
All this means “Starting Over” will be a priority in our life. We will not go to extremes and neglect aspects of our life which require our ongoing attention. We will not neglect our progress toward to the EO. We will live one day at a time. We will live within our own human limits. That means what we can handle physically, but also what we need to do to maintain balance in our life in work and social responsibilities.
If we really want to “Start Over” toward a life that is different and better,
If we really want to move toward to the End Objective (EO),
we can take certain steps to get better
and move toward the EO.
Actually “Starting Over” is a program. We say that the program does not just happen; we need to “work the program,” an expression used to mean “work on” the things that make the program effective for me (you).
There is something beautiful, intelligent, sensitive, creative, loving and caring about each of us. It’s the obstacles, the compulsions that destroy people. These things are like deadly diseases.
We are speaking of a 12-Step Program. The 12-Step “starting over” program is not merely a “medicine,” it is a program that leads to the EO, a guide to living peacefully, happily, successfully.
In general 12-step programs are not religious programs, but they are indeed spiritual programs. The Starting Over 12-Step Program is adapted to the beliefs of The Order of St. Aelred, and it is indeed a spiritual program.
Furthermore as we progress in the program, we develop the foundation for our complete intellectual, physical, spiritual, and emotional well-being. By “working” the 12 Steps, greater and greater insights will occur. Along with that we find previously untapped sources of strength, peace, and serenity.
The Serenity Prayer
God, grant me
Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can, and
Wisdom to know the difference.
This is a 12-Step program. Each step has a special purpose. All 12 Steps taken in order will lead to the EO.
None of the steps can be taken hastily. Each one has to be deliberate (not speedy), thoughtful (not just reporting it), feelings that represent the reality (not absence of feelings), acceptance of the truth (not denial or defensiveness), acknowledging the impact on my life (not denying impact). So today we begin to take the first step. I admit that a certain obstacle has become a part of my life (not just something that can be easily fixed).
The tendency is to avoid even taking the Steps, especially the first one. Some of the reasons are:
lack of courage
(or even worse, “I can handle it myself”);
inadequate preparation or
failure to recognize the importance and value of the Step,
especially the First Step.
If you have not fully discussed it with your “Starting Over Partner,” do not proceed. The First Step is the most important. Just as saying no to the first drink is saving step of the alcoholic, so the First Step pf the Program is the first mountain climbed toward the EO.
STOP AND REFLECT
First, think about serenity.
Is serenity worthwhile? Is it a good starting point for “starting over”? What is serenity for me?
Am I courageous? Am I willing to pray for courage? What do I need courage for?
If I were going to ask for WISDOM, what do I most want WISDOM for?
If any of the following apply to you, the “Starting Over” program is designed for you.
Feelings of low self esteem; ?
desperate for love and approval; ?
live life as a victim; ?
denial or minimizing of feelings; ?
isolation, shame, inappropriate guilt; ?
feelings of being hopeless and helpless, ?
unquestioning acceptance of moral slavery, ?
just plain wanting to move more to the EO. ?
Do I have the courage? Do I want the courage to enter a 12-step program?
The First Step – Step #1 – is:
I admit I have been letting something hold me back, allowing something to control my life, and permitting something to lead me away from the end objective.
I have let my life become unmanageable over this “thing” in my life. It has kept me from the EO. I have allowed it to destroy my peace and my progress.
For some it is alcohol, for others drugs, for some excessive smoking, for others addiction to compulsive sex, for some it’s over eating, for others it’s dependency on something or someone; for some it’s the need for more and moré movies or something else, and for too many it is blind acceptance of the shackles (handcuffs) of moral slavery.
Am I able to identify my biggest stumbling block?
Am I able to recognize this obstacle to progress towards the EO?
If so, then the next move is:
Am I able to admit I have been out of control with this matter?
Can I say,
“I am _____________(so and so), and I have been powerless over_____________________.”
Today, the question is only: can I identify and admit my stumbling block, What is it and
How has it held a grip on me that has strangled my progress?
Do I recognize what it has done to me?
It’s sharing time. You have not “taken” the First Step (or any Step) until you share with your Starting over partner (and preferably others in the program with you).
Taking the First Step means more than “going through the motions.” Taking the First Step means really knowing and admitting (and feeling it) how you have been out of control over this matter, how it has become unmanageable, and how you have been powerless over it.
You have to be ready to admit (to others and yourself) that you have reached the bottom and by yourself and by your methods you have not been able to take control over this aspect of your life – and it has held you back from the EO.
Have I looked at myself in depth? Have I really examined this “thing” that has overpowered me. Is it easy to spot – like the drunkenness that caused the auto accident, or is it more subtle in its impact on my life?
In the following work sheet (check list), if an item does not seem to apply to you, leave it blank, but be prepared to share with your partner(s) why you left it blank.
In the space after the aspect of “obstacles to EO” give one or more examples of how it applies to you.
STOP AND REFLECT
1. I spend time fantasizing about my “obstacle,” wanting it, feeling attracted to it.
2. I make attempts to control my behavior in this regard.
3. I have given in to lying, covering up, or minimizing (making light of) my behavior in this regard.
4. I keep trying to understand my behavior in this regard or even rationalize and make it seem reasonable.
5. Honestly it has some detrimental effects on my physical health.
6. Sometimes I feel quite miserable, feeling guilty or shameful about my behavior on this.
7. It has detrimental effects on my emotional health (how I feel about myself, how I experience being mad, sad, glad, or scared).
8. It has detrimental effects n my social life.
9. It has detrimental effects on my work or school life.
10. It has taken its toll on my character, morals, or values. (For many of us, what we thought was immoral may not have been as immoral as we thought, but we allowed ourselves to remain in moral slavery…)
11. It has been harmful to my spirituality.
12. It has had negative effects on my financial situation.
13. It has brought me into contact with police or courts…
14. Has my preoccupation with this thing led me to insane or strange behavior?
15. Has it ever caused me to have a memory loss.
16. Has it ever led me to destructive behavior toward myself of others?
17. Has my indulgence in this led to accidents or other dangerous situations?
18. Do I try to cover it up by keeping overly busy or unnecessarily occupied?
19. Do I feel depressed a lot of the time? Can I trace any of it to my “problem”?
20. Am I able to share my feeling (with my sharing partner)? If not, why not?
21. Have I changed my physical image to accommodate this thing in my life?
22. Have I made promises to myself that I have broken?
23. Have I denied that I have problem in this regard?
24. Has this problem or behavior affected my self esteem?
25. Have I tried to relieve my pain about this? How?
26. Have I tried to get people to support my addiction to this thing, or manipulated people to supporting me? How?
27. Have I given up any worthwhile pursuits (even hobbies or sports or even family) under the power of this thing? What were these?
28. In what ways have I been powerless over this thing?
29. In what ways has my life become unmanageable because of this thing?
(Reading continues)
A moment of reflection
In The Order of St. Aelred we have a unique challenge, a cutting edge liminal mission which calls us to not only to move toward the all important EO given us by Jesus himself, but to carry it out as our purpose in life.
Jesus gave us the whole message about loving God and loving one another.
St. Aelred himself expresses it for us in terms of friendship.
The Order of St. Aelred gives us the caring family where we live the message of love and friendship according to the True Friendship St. Aelred teaches us (see OSAe website).
Why is it we cannot go directly to the EO without detours and pitfalls? St. Paul tells us (Romans 10:10) that all of us have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. We can interpret that word “sin” to refer to our allowing something to stop us from the EO and thus fall short of all the peace that comes with the End Objective.
This Step may seem negative, but it is a very positive step forward towards a very positive program. One day at a time, we will work on “Starting Over” and making positive progress toward the EO.
STOP AND REFLECT
Finally, I will summarize my feelings about taking the First Step:
Is there anything in the Serenity prayer that suggests to me something I would like to make a part of my daily life?
(Reading continues and concludes)
CONCLUSION
Holy Week Retreat 2009
It is my prayer that in some way your life has been enriched by this reflection. Always feel welcome to discuss any form of continuation with me.
God loves you; Jesus is always with you.
During this Lenten season, especially during the commemoration of our salvation during Holy Week, we look into our hearts and examine our lives.
Whatever we find that separates us from the full unconditional love of God – whatever it is, it is there because we allow it to be there.
We know this because St. Paul tells us in no uncertain terms in Romans 8 that nothing can separate us from the love of God. Therefore, if nothing outside of us can keep God from loving us, then, only we ourselves can build a barrier to God’s love coming in to us.
The Love of Jesus went out to us from the Cross on that first Good Friday. and that love will never stop embracing us. We have the power and the privilege to accept it.
And when we are ready to cleanse ourselves in Step One, we can move on to enjoy the pleasure of Steps Two to Twelve.
Let us Pray: (From the St. Aelred commnity Prayer Book)
Lord Jesus, you are never far from those who pray to you.
I open myself to you as you are present here with me.
May your Word speak to my heart
And bring peace to my restlessness
As I listen to your Word,
God, help me to live one day at a time,
Not to be thinking about what might have been,
And not be worrying about what may be.
Help me accept the fact that I cannot undo the past,
And I cannot foresee the future.
As I face today, help me always remember
That I will never be tried beyond what I can bear,
That your loving hand will never cause your child a needless tear,
That I cannot ever drift beyond your love and care,
So help me live today in courage and cheerfulness and peace.
I want to quote our concluding prayer, with adaptations, from "A Book of Prayer for Gay and Lesbian Christians" by William Storey. (A beautiful Book of Prayer, compiled by a retired professor of Prayer at the fabled Notre Dame University, who has lived with his same-sex partner for more than a quarter of a century.) The book was called to my attention by a very spiritual gay man here who uses this and another Prayer Book in his daily prayer.
God of my life,
there are days
when the burdens I carry
bend down my shoulders
and weigh me down,
when the road
seems dreary and endless,
the skies gray and threatening;
when my life has no music in it,
and my heart is lonely,
and my soul has lost its courage.
Flood my path with light,
turn my eyes to where
the skies are full of promise;
tune my heart to brave music;
give me a sense of comradship
with the saints
and heroes of every age;
quicken my spirit
that I may be able to encourage
the souls of all those
who journey with me
on the road of life
to your honor and glory.
The general principles of “Starting Over” are common to 12 Step programs, and words, even sentences, have been obtained from the dozens of publications on these programs. Starting Over is a synthesis of existing 12 Step programs with OSAe principles, philosophy, and spirituality.
© OSAe 2004
Steps 2 to 12 are included here in openness to the retreatant, to help with the decision of whether to continue “starting over” in this way.
The Second Step -- Step #2 -- is:
I believe that God is a Power greater than my obstacles, and God can restore me to sanity and progress in starting over.
The Third Step – Step #3 – is:
I make a decision to turn my will and my life over to God and accept God’s unconditional friendship. I will “let go and let God” rule my life.
The Fourth Step – Step #4 – is:
I make a searching and fearless moral inventory of my life, my strengths and weaknesses, my honesty, my integrity, my fruits of the Spirit, my living in friendship with God and others.
The Fifth Step – Step #5 – is:
I admit to God, to myself, and to one other human being the honest state of my moral inventory.
The Sixth Step – Step #6 – is:
As I face the truth about myself, I am entirely ready to give God thanks for my strengths, and to have God remove all that is holding my back from true friendship with God and others.
The Seventh Step – Step #7 – is:
I humbly thank God for my strengths and ask God to remove all my shortcomings, stumbling blocks, and obstacles.
The Eighth Step – Step #8 – is:
Putting my words into action, I make a list of all people I have harmed and become sincerely willing to do what is right to make amends to them all.
The Ninth Step – Step #9 – is:
I make amends as it is proper and appropriate to the persons I have harmed wherever possible, except in situations where doing so would injure them or others.
The Tenth Step – Step # 10 – is:
Daily, if possible, and with one other human being if I choose, I continue to examine my life on the issues of honesty, integrity, fruits of the Spirit, and friendship with God and others.
The Eleventh Step – Step # 11 – is:
I seek through prayer and meditation, frequent or ceaseless communication with God, to deepen my friendship with God, living ever in deeper union with Jesus, God who became human like me, my Ruler, my Redeemer, my Friend.
The Twelfth Step – Step #12 – is:
Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, and having begun the process of “starting over” and entering into a life-saving friendship with God, I try to carry this message to others and continue to practice these principles day by day.
CONCLUSION
Holy Week Retreat 2009
It is my prayer that in some way your life has been enriched by this reflection. Always feel welcome to discuss any form of continuation with me.
God loves you; Jesus is always with you.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
The Time Has Come; Believe the Good News
I am posting this on March 3 the Feast of St. Aelred, the last day of the Novena in honor of St. Aelred.
Homily for MCC Quezon City
March 1, 2009
(Pastor Ceejay Agbayani was out of town for his grandmother’s funeral)
Fr. Richard R. Mickley, OSAe., Ph.D.
A good starting point is Jesus’ words in today’s Gospel reading, “The time has come, and the Reign of God is near! Turn away from your sins and believe the Good News.”
Today is the first Sunday of Lent in the church calendar. That means Easter is a few weeks away, and now is a time a time of preparation, a time of reflection on Jesus’ message to us.
Where do we get that message? From the Gospel, of course.
Today, yesterday, tomorrow and forever, the message is the same. “The time has come, and the reign of God is near!”
My friends, the time has come to know, love, and embrace the true message of Jesus. Unfortunately there are many false messages pulling at us, messages distorted by perhaps well-meaning people, but people misguided, guided away from the true message of Jesus.
But, my friends, it is time to embrace the true message of Jesus which is addressed to every person created, redeemed, and loved by our God. To be exact, Jesus addressed the Good News, reaching out in love, to you and me, and did not leave out any of us. I have a group of 19-year old neighbors, and I hear them (unkindly) calling one of their group Neanderthal. My friends, I tell you today, that our God even loves Neanderthal.
It will take us too long here today to tell the story of all those who have corrupted the message of Jesus and made it false, even trying to make us believe that God does not love Neanderthal — and certain other kinds of people, which might include you and me.
Instead of the ones who are wrong, let us talk about two great followers of Jesus who did not corrupt the message of Jesus, who gave it to us, just like Jesus gave it to us.
St. Aelred of Rievaulx
The first one we can talk about today is St. Aelred of Rievaulx in England. He came about half-way in the centuries between Jesus and us. He came with the message of love and friendship that Jesus came into this world to teach. Jesus came to show us what God is like. Because of Jesus we learn that God is Love, and wherever love is, God is, and whoever lives in Love lives in God, and God lives in them.
St. Aelred, a universal church saint whose feast day is day after tomorrow, was the abbot, the spiritual father, of 500 monks, priests, brothers, helpers, and his teachings to them were about the love and friendship which Jesus taught and lived. St. Aelred wrote books about love and friendship for his monks. He encouraged his monks to love one another, and he gave the example by loving all, but especially his one special beloved. Read more about his life and loves and message of God’s love by visiting my blog where the St. Aelred novena is currently running. (http://richardrmickley.blogspot.com/)
The Rev. Troy Perry
The other person who came into our lives in a special and magnificent way with the message of the love of Jesus was the Rev. Troy Perry, founder of MCC.
Both Aelred and Troy lived in a world where they were surrounded by homophobia. St. Aelred lived in time (sadly little different from today) when the sexual theology of St. Augustine prevailed. It sounded like this, “Sex is bad except for a married couple, once a year, under the blankets, with your clothes on; get in there fast; make the baby fast; get out of there fast; and don’t enjoy it.”
St. Aelred and Troy Perry did not get bogged down with such sex-negative thinking. They emphasized that God is Love. St. Aelred said that means “If God is love, God is Friendship.”
And so, if we want to be like Jesus (who showed us what God is like) we will live in love and friendship.
Furthermore, St. Aelred said, if you think the love of one man for another is strange, look at the Gospel where we find eight times the “Beloved of Jesus.” Eight times the Gospel tells us about the one who had the privilege of lying with his head on the heart of Jesus, was called the beloved disciple, the one whom Jesus loved.
I admire St. Aelred through the pages of history and from studying his life and writings.
I admire Troy Perry because I worked with him, in his office, prayed with him, worshipped with him, traveled with him, wrote for him, loved him as a dear dear personal friend.
Troy came triumphantly into our world 800 years after St. Aelred died. He came proclaiming the message: “Now is the time. We can be Christians, too.” He made it clear that nobody can take that away from us. You know, and I know what they said about the early Christians, “See how they love one another.” And we believe that too. To an unbelieving world, Troy preached the true message of love of Jesus, adding, “Jesus came to take away our sins, not to take away our sexuality.”
That all started in 1968 with Troy speaking the message to 12 people in the living room of his home in Los Angeles. And here we are, half-way around the world, in an upper room in Quezon City, 41 years later, rejoicing and thriving on the same message of love and friendship.
St. Aelred had to courageously uphold the humanistic value of God’s love against the sex-negative theology of St. Augustine. Troy preached the message literally around the world, proclaiming, as only he can proclaim, God’s unconditional love for LGBT people. He was heard by a world hungry for the true message of Jesus.
Today we all live and love and preach the real Gospel Good News, yes, all of us, in a sex negative land – a land that is the only country in the world without divorce, and that tells a very strong negative story already. We live in a land where the bishops, catholic and protestant, control every move of the congress and government who sometimes actually do attempt to provide the people a more Jesus-like approach to love, marriage, sex, and baby making. The result of the bishops’ control is negative and destructive of millions of lives including many of the eight million LGBT people in the country, and the millions more of mothers and fathers who are told it is a sin to use condoms when their six kids are starving without ulam and baon (food and school money).
In the meantime, with Jesus, St. Aelred, and Troy Perry we live in love.
And, yes, we do not neglect the message in today’s gospel, “Turn away from our sins.” Thanks to Jesus, St.Aelred, Troy Perry, common sense, and hundreds of sex positive theologians, we know there is such a thing as sin — and sin is hurting people, being unkind, cheating people, and failing to love. And we now know that masturbation, condoms, and sex are not automatically sin; and, most of all, we know that loving is not sinning where there is no harm, no abuse, no force.
And we know this for sure, for “God is love, and where love is, God is, and those who live in love live is God, and God lives in them.”
The time has come. Let us turn away from our sins, believe the Good News — and love.
Homily for MCC Quezon City
March 1, 2009
(Pastor Ceejay Agbayani was out of town for his grandmother’s funeral)
Fr. Richard R. Mickley, OSAe., Ph.D.
A good starting point is Jesus’ words in today’s Gospel reading, “The time has come, and the Reign of God is near! Turn away from your sins and believe the Good News.”
Today is the first Sunday of Lent in the church calendar. That means Easter is a few weeks away, and now is a time a time of preparation, a time of reflection on Jesus’ message to us.
Where do we get that message? From the Gospel, of course.
Today, yesterday, tomorrow and forever, the message is the same. “The time has come, and the reign of God is near!”
My friends, the time has come to know, love, and embrace the true message of Jesus. Unfortunately there are many false messages pulling at us, messages distorted by perhaps well-meaning people, but people misguided, guided away from the true message of Jesus.
But, my friends, it is time to embrace the true message of Jesus which is addressed to every person created, redeemed, and loved by our God. To be exact, Jesus addressed the Good News, reaching out in love, to you and me, and did not leave out any of us. I have a group of 19-year old neighbors, and I hear them (unkindly) calling one of their group Neanderthal. My friends, I tell you today, that our God even loves Neanderthal.
It will take us too long here today to tell the story of all those who have corrupted the message of Jesus and made it false, even trying to make us believe that God does not love Neanderthal — and certain other kinds of people, which might include you and me.
Instead of the ones who are wrong, let us talk about two great followers of Jesus who did not corrupt the message of Jesus, who gave it to us, just like Jesus gave it to us.
St. Aelred of Rievaulx
The first one we can talk about today is St. Aelred of Rievaulx in England. He came about half-way in the centuries between Jesus and us. He came with the message of love and friendship that Jesus came into this world to teach. Jesus came to show us what God is like. Because of Jesus we learn that God is Love, and wherever love is, God is, and whoever lives in Love lives in God, and God lives in them.
St. Aelred, a universal church saint whose feast day is day after tomorrow, was the abbot, the spiritual father, of 500 monks, priests, brothers, helpers, and his teachings to them were about the love and friendship which Jesus taught and lived. St. Aelred wrote books about love and friendship for his monks. He encouraged his monks to love one another, and he gave the example by loving all, but especially his one special beloved. Read more about his life and loves and message of God’s love by visiting my blog where the St. Aelred novena is currently running. (http://richardrmickley.blogspot.com/)
The Rev. Troy Perry
The other person who came into our lives in a special and magnificent way with the message of the love of Jesus was the Rev. Troy Perry, founder of MCC.
Both Aelred and Troy lived in a world where they were surrounded by homophobia. St. Aelred lived in time (sadly little different from today) when the sexual theology of St. Augustine prevailed. It sounded like this, “Sex is bad except for a married couple, once a year, under the blankets, with your clothes on; get in there fast; make the baby fast; get out of there fast; and don’t enjoy it.”
St. Aelred and Troy Perry did not get bogged down with such sex-negative thinking. They emphasized that God is Love. St. Aelred said that means “If God is love, God is Friendship.”
And so, if we want to be like Jesus (who showed us what God is like) we will live in love and friendship.
Furthermore, St. Aelred said, if you think the love of one man for another is strange, look at the Gospel where we find eight times the “Beloved of Jesus.” Eight times the Gospel tells us about the one who had the privilege of lying with his head on the heart of Jesus, was called the beloved disciple, the one whom Jesus loved.
I admire St. Aelred through the pages of history and from studying his life and writings.
I admire Troy Perry because I worked with him, in his office, prayed with him, worshipped with him, traveled with him, wrote for him, loved him as a dear dear personal friend.
Troy came triumphantly into our world 800 years after St. Aelred died. He came proclaiming the message: “Now is the time. We can be Christians, too.” He made it clear that nobody can take that away from us. You know, and I know what they said about the early Christians, “See how they love one another.” And we believe that too. To an unbelieving world, Troy preached the true message of love of Jesus, adding, “Jesus came to take away our sins, not to take away our sexuality.”
That all started in 1968 with Troy speaking the message to 12 people in the living room of his home in Los Angeles. And here we are, half-way around the world, in an upper room in Quezon City, 41 years later, rejoicing and thriving on the same message of love and friendship.
St. Aelred had to courageously uphold the humanistic value of God’s love against the sex-negative theology of St. Augustine. Troy preached the message literally around the world, proclaiming, as only he can proclaim, God’s unconditional love for LGBT people. He was heard by a world hungry for the true message of Jesus.
Today we all live and love and preach the real Gospel Good News, yes, all of us, in a sex negative land – a land that is the only country in the world without divorce, and that tells a very strong negative story already. We live in a land where the bishops, catholic and protestant, control every move of the congress and government who sometimes actually do attempt to provide the people a more Jesus-like approach to love, marriage, sex, and baby making. The result of the bishops’ control is negative and destructive of millions of lives including many of the eight million LGBT people in the country, and the millions more of mothers and fathers who are told it is a sin to use condoms when their six kids are starving without ulam and baon (food and school money).
In the meantime, with Jesus, St. Aelred, and Troy Perry we live in love.
And, yes, we do not neglect the message in today’s gospel, “Turn away from our sins.” Thanks to Jesus, St.Aelred, Troy Perry, common sense, and hundreds of sex positive theologians, we know there is such a thing as sin — and sin is hurting people, being unkind, cheating people, and failing to love. And we now know that masturbation, condoms, and sex are not automatically sin; and, most of all, we know that loving is not sinning where there is no harm, no abuse, no force.
And we know this for sure, for “God is love, and where love is, God is, and those who live in love live is God, and God lives in them.”
The time has come. Let us turn away from our sins, believe the Good News — and love.
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