My 82nd Birthday; some thoughts, some photos

82nd Birthday Blog 2010 – Memories Again
So, what about my 82nd birthday?

In the following paragraphs I will share some thoughts from my past as I look back over 82 years – too much for one sitting, but a few things which pop into my mind. I will quote Cardinal Rosales and Clint Eastwood. And remember Dolphy is 82, too, and he ain’t quittin.

I have ten years to go to catch up with my own devout Catholic housewife mother of ten (who worked in a factory to make bomber parts to help win the war over the Nazi’s and Imperialist Japan).

Before she passed to eternal happiness at almost 92, I last talked with her when she was 91, just the two of us, “Richard,” she said, “I understand. Maybe the others don’t understand, but you are doing what you know God wants you to do.”

Those words will ring in my ears forever. She never heard of sex-positive theology, but she welcomed me and my partner to her home. She cooked for us and prepared the spare bedroom for us. She understood my life and my love and my ministry (as an MCC pastor). My father had died long before, but I always felt he understood, too.

May I solicit, maybe for the first time in my life, a birthday present? As you read the following paragraphs, will you select one event or one idea and send me the gift of a bit of feedback, your thoughts on that item? Much appreciated.


The Greatest Joy of my Life


It is a tremendous blessing for a pastor to officiate at a Baptism, especially at an adult Baptism of one whom I have prepared for this sacrament. It is an unequalled and humbling privilege to stand as an Alter Christus (another Christ) in the celebration of the ancient apostolic sacrament of the Eucharist, and yes, too, the laying on of hands in the passing on of the priesthood in apostolic succession. Blessings and privileges, indeed.


But the greatest joy of my life can be expressed in the simplest of terms. The joy of sitting at table with the nine people I love most in this world is not exceeded by any other spiritual, physical, intellectual, or emotional joy. Nothing equals the joy of romping at the zoo or at the beach or at the side yard with them. Packing them into the family station wagon or camper van (beds for all ten) and off we went… Preparing their breakfast and seeing them off to school… Of an evening helping with homework… It was my fate to somehow deprive myself of the perpetuation of that joy, but it can never be denied nor taken away.

Each year for nine years I experienced seeing the “Gift of God” presented right before my eyes, following the labor pains, joyfully suffered by a good and loving mother. My heart leapt for joy and beat with love as I stopped each time on the way home from the hospital to place the newborn treasure on the altar of the Blessed Mother at our parish church, imploring her lifelong watching over, “Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection was left unaided…”


The joy continued on the day of Baptism for each, and on and on till each grew into the outstanding person he or she became with such a wonderful mother. Even the joy of watching son, Rick (now a football coach) catch three passes in a college football game on Father’s Day. Yes, I feel more pride than I deserve to feel in what she and they have become.


Even today at 82, I remember with glee being asked by a bishop (who hired me to work for him as a religious educator) if I felt an inferiority complex having such a beautiful, talented, intelligent, and wonderful wife (obviously superior to me in so many ways). I replied that I was thankful to God for such a great gift to our children and me.


I was always grateful that Fr. Jim Froelich, my seminary classmate, came to our wedding, and along with Fr. Jim McKay and other Brunnerdale Seminary priests who stayed close to our family over the years. And they were there for the funeral of my brother, Louie, killed in a freak accident at 33 on the golf course he had just purchased


Inspired by Fr. Paul and Bishop Jim, but falling short of following their example

My friend, Fr. Paul Breton of California, is very consistent and self-disciplined about regular and punctual newsletters – a personal one every month and sometimes several a week with developing LGBT news. Even as I write he is suffering excruciatingly with shingles, yet he went to his computer, hardly able to see, and wrote a letter to all his friends advising them what to do it ever they had a suspicion of shingles. That’s self sacrifice. And that’s just one of the virtues I could extol about Fr. Paul.

And, of course, there is no shortage of virtues or extolling of virtues for my bishop in Virginia, Jim Burch. Of wisdom, there is no limit, and compassion, and zeal for the ministry, and… Oh yes, he just wrote an article for our seminary alumni newsletter, revealing how makulit (actually downright mischievous) he was as a seminarian. And now, facetiously, I am worrying that he might have a relapse as he approaches old age (second childhood.)



Other Memories


I don’t have time to write an autobiography (and who would want to read it anyway?)


But I do hope I will have time to do some biographical work on our national hero, Dr. Jose Rizal, just because he deserves to be our national hero as well as one of my idols. As of now there are a couple hundred pages in first draft form – time, time to finish.

Then I have plans for another historical novel, about St. Aelred to bring him out of the shadows of history into real life – since he was so very very real in his life and advocacy of friendship. “If God is Love,” he wrote in his book on same-sex friendship, “then God is Friendship.”


More about “before I die stuff” later.


The cow – 5,740 times


Today at 82 I take it a little easier that I did when I was in grade school. Today I pray the EWTN Mass every day (sometimes twice). It’s partly in Latin (to my delight) and comes from America at 6:00 AM here.


I often flash back, as I have told elsewhere, about learning by heart the Latin prayers of the Mass when I was nine or ten.


By the time I was 12 in Louisville, Ohio, every morning before school I walked with my empty pail down the street to the last remaining farm in the city. (It actually became a city later as a result of an initiative I led when I was President of the Louisville Jaycees.)

In the barn, I milked the family milk cow. Then it was back up the hill with my pail filled with warm fresh milk. I gave the milk to Mom and quickly changed to school clothes and hurried back down the street, over the bridge, across the rail road tracks, and up the hill to the majestic St. Louis Church (after all, St. Louis was a king), near the top of the hill on the border of the business district (just before the Town Tavern later owned by my brother, Gary when he got back with his Bronze Star from the war in Vietnam).


I dashed into the sacristy, donned my black cassock, white surplice, and altar slippers (a custom there), and served the morning Mass. (And never ever was there a scandal among the holy priests and altar boys of that church.)


Then quickly to the classroom where I was allowed to sit in the back of the room and eat the breakfast Mom had prepared and put in a brown paper bag for me (since in those days we could not have even a drop of water from midnight before Holy Communion).


Just for fun I calculated how many dates I had with Ole Bessie, every day before school, every evening after school from Grade 1 through Grade 8 before entering Brunnerdale Seminary high school at age 13. Well, it was 5,740 times – plus a couple of leap years (+4).


I thank my very special parents for that wonderful opportunity to become a workaholic – something that for the most part has served me well most of my life – except it was a terrible waterloo for me as a father of the family. More time for work, less time for those who meant the most to me.


So now, what is retirement for a workaholic. I loved my work as an MCC pastor. In their wisdom, their by laws call for retirement at 65. I slipped by till they caught up with me at 66. So now for the last decade and a half I am down to 18 hours a day in retirement.


Wedding Bells are Ringing


As of now, I still have the fulfilment of bringing joy to numerous committed couples who come to me to bless and celebrate with them their wedding vows.

I brought same-sex weddings to the Philippines almost 20 years ago in 1991. Now, praise God there are three other MCC pastors who also bring this sacrament and blessing to people who find it meaningful.

I just got a call today to fly off to a far away island on a three-day notice – “so we can have our wedding on our first anniversary.” (My caring partner has some rules they must follow if they whisk me off to a far away island, “Do they  know how old you are?”)


Speaking of my caring partner, compañero of 12 years, without compromising his privacy, I can only wholeheartedly sing the praises of this man who has faithfully been by my side, caring, supporting, helping, loving,and being loved. I am extremely proud of him professionally. After teaching in the top public and private high schools in the country, he is now teaching in the premier state university.


And he is following his passion in yoga (Bikram) all the way to being a finalist in the national championship competition after three months of practice. His silver medal said 1st place, but the other one said champion, and our friends called to say they saw him on TV.


Tears were rolling down my cheeks. Imagine after only three months to score so well in the national competition, and he even lost two weeks in bed with a flu virus the week before the competition. (First runner-up to a man who is already an internationally trained Bikram yoga instructor.) Expert in swimming, expert in computer, expert teacher, now award-winning yoga asana champion eligible to compete in the International Championship in LA in February 2011. [I celebrated my 82nd birthday participating (sweating) in a 90-minute Bikram yoga class with him. Well, I couldn’t do things like stand on one leg and wrap the other one around my neck, but I was kinda proud of what I could do...]


Recurring thoughts from the past


In seminary I was not known for pranks, like my bishop (see where it got him – up, up the ecclesiastical ladder). I did like to play cards when we had “free day,” go for walks around the lake, and take care of the grotto of the Blessed Mother. I loved my job as sacristan (setting up everything behind the scenes) in the chapel of the major seminary, especially the intricate requirements of the semi-annual ordinations. I wrote for the Society’s publications, and I treasured those years of monastic life in the seminary.


After serving in the United States Army with service in the Korean War (at the same time as Fidel Ramos whom I met as future president of the Philippines), I found it fulfiling and served in the reserves for several years.


Later I experienced spiritual joys and spiritual ups and downs.


For example, my own Cursillo in Christian Community Living and the dozens (was it hundreds) of Cursillos as team member, speaker, rector, or spiritual director (in the Cursillo type Excel movement I founded in MCC).

Cursillo is where I first began to work with Ralph Martin and Steve Clark, traversing the country with them flying from city to city  putting on seminars for Cursillo leaders aimed at preserving the integrity and spirituality of the movement. I, of course, get a thrill today when I see Ralph Martin “preaching” to thousands and and tens of thousands more on EWTN. The spirituality of these two amazing men had a tremendous impact on me. I later worked with them as they developed the Life in the Spirit Seminar and the Catholic Pentecostal Movement (as it was known then). Modeled after their Ann Arbor Prayer Meetings, I set up a Prayer meeting at Hillsdale College in Michigan which became an inspiration to the whole college and city under the leadership of Bob Langbauer. (I wonder where he is now? I understand he went to seminary at Berkely.)


In the Cursillo and Pentecostal Prayer meetings we were too occupied with prayer and spirituality to get sidetracked by sexuality issues. In another setting, I had my encounter with “exorcism.” I had read Fr. Morton Kelsey’s book on the Holy Spirit and jumped at the opportunity to attend his seminar on the Holy Spirit in Michigan. I had never spoken the word aloud in my life, but there I was, in a hotel room with the renowned author and some of his assistants. I was crying my heart out, kneeling on the floor before him as he prayed over me for my purging from all traces of homosexuality. The Holy Spirit did not pick up on that prayer, but I sure was confused. I did not know myself any better after than before that emotional experience.

That incident was balanced many years later in another hotel, this time in Denver, Colorado with another world famous author. It was no less than Fr. Norman Pittenger, author of some 100 theology and spiritual books. Not only an influential theologian but an inspiring and spiritual priest. For four hours I was in a kind of ecstasy as we worked on my editing of his 69th book, Gay Lifestyles, later published by MCC’s Fellowship Press, of which I was the Director at the time. For me it was so uplifting to be in the close presence of this impressive man, but humbling for me as a neophyte publisher/editor to be working with an author of his stature. Two years before, we had met at MCC’s General Conference, I think it was in Dallas, where he was the Conference Speaker. When we talked he urged me to write a book, which eventually became my second book, Christian Sexuality.

In addition to being an MCC pastor in several parishes in several states (plus New Zealand and the Philippines), working in the office of Rev. Troy Perry, the founder of the world-wide Metropolitan Community Church, was an awesome experience, praying with him in our daily prayer time in the headquarters office, celebrating Communion for him, weak and feeble, as he fasted on the steps of the Federal Building in Los Angeles to raise funds (successfully) defeat (successfully) the diabolical Proposition 6 which would have banned homosexuals from teaching in California. With the money he raised they were able to show the voters that every teacher (of every gender and orientation) would have his or her bedroom invaded to see if he or she should be banned from the classroom, and they voted smart. And then some 30 years later Proposition 8 came along and the wisdom of the voters turned sour. This time they turned down gay and lesbian (same-sex) marriage in California. That whole thing is still going through the legal hoops…


The Experience in the Mountains of Upstate New York


It can be called the Eastridge Experience. I had the seminary and religious life experience for years and still value my membership in the “alumni association,” the Amici, all of us who once belonged to the Society of the Precious Blood. Incomparable. I value all the years in Cursillo work, and the work with Ralph Martin and Steve Clark in both the Cursillo and the Catholic Pentecostal (Charismatic) Movement.


But I should have stuck to milk. I did not know I was an alcoholic until “chance” brought me to the experience of the gay bar in my adult home town of Canton, Ohio. Beer did me in. I had, by the grace of God, a prayer companion in those days by the name of Bob Zagray. Our weekly prayer together is another beautiful memory in my life. When Bob saw what I was doing to my life (and my business as a restaurateur), he persuaded me to check into a Christian rehab at Eastridge Recovery Community in upstate New York. It was only a few months but it had a tremendous impact on my life. I was back in “religious” life again. Every morning we had meditation and sang psalms. I was introduced to the Jesus Prayer, and it has been my constant companion ever since. I cannot recount the whole effective routine. I learned the 12 Steps of AA under Tom Powers, one of these who helped develop the 12 Steps in the early days of AA. I tried to live them the rest of my life and taught them to others whenever I had the chance to do so. But I have never had a beer or drink of alcohol (except Mass wine in Mass) since the day I entered Eastridge in 1971 escorted by my two brothers, Bud and Lon.

BUT Eastridge failed in another of their objectives – absolute purity, they called it, no sex ever, alone or with anybody except when legally married. I was legally married, but I had discovered the gay bar and somewhat mystified began to discover who I was. That’s another story. A few months later I was divorced and I got involved with MCC Detroit (of which I had been a part of the exploratory group some months earlier). Many mistakes and many moves later I ended up with a gay therapist, Dr. Charles Kuell, (he was not religious, but he was a life-saving therapist) in Los Angles (after serving on the pastoral staff of MCC Detroit, MCC Chicago and MCC Phoenix) while I worked in Rev. Perry’s office and began to understand myself and something about sexuality.


At my therapist’s insistence, I pursued a Master’s and Doctorate in Psychology with specialization in LGBT sexuality – to better understand myself and to eventually be able to help others. From my personal struggle to maintain mental health, know myself, learn how to handle sexuality responsibly, and be OK as a gay Christian, I gained the background that has been so helpful in helping others.


Since I had lost my family in the struggle, I dedicated my life to being not only a life-saving Chuck Kuell, but a spiritual adviser, too. I have summarized my 100 or more books and pamphlets on Sex-Positive Theology into three courses available for free on the Internet just by writing and asking me. (saintaelred@gmail.com). I am called to share this research and experience.


I cannot condense 82 years into a few pages, so I am not going to try any more.


Clint Eastwood

I am trying to find some way to compare my self with Clint Eastwood. Maybe you can see something. Hehe. Or maybe you would compare me with Dolpy. Hehe [But please I would not be flattered if you compare with another old man named Benedict.] I am feeling mischievous, but not as bad as my bishop when he was in seminary.


Only in Hollywood
Eastwood at 80: Getting ready to direct DiCaprio
By Ruben V. Nepales
Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 21:14:00 11/05/2010


LOS ANGELES—At 80, Clint Eastwood shows no signs of slowing down. He most recently directed and actively promoted “Hereafter,” a drama about three people searching for answers about the afterlife. Now, he’s getting ready to direct Leonardo DiCaprio.


Strength
Clint is looking good in his octogenarian years. He exudes a quiet, confident strength. Later in the evening, at a party following the premiere of “Hereafter,” he worked the room, disarming guests as he smiled and traded banter. He shook the hands of guests, …


Higher power
“Everybody would unanimously agree that it is a hope,” he said of the belief in the afterlife. “It would be a higher power than all of us. You’re given one opportunity to live in this world. Whether you believe in God, nature or whatever, you have to take advantage of that and do the best you can in the life you have. That’s the hand that you’re dealt with. You play it out. If you’re worrying about the end of it all, you can’t really live the present of it all.”…


Asked to share reflections on his life, Hollywood’s statesman teased about the question’s seeming time-to-retire hint. With a laugh, his famous squinting eyes focusing on the interviewer, Clint said, “Are you trying to tell me something?”


What do you want to accomplish before you die?


There was a lengthy article on this – interviews with a large number of celebrities – in the Philippine Daily Inquirer last week. I am 82 and I expect to die in the next 20 years, so I tried to answer the question not in the newspaper, but here.


I have already and always said I want to finish my autobiographical novel on Jose Rizal and write one on St. Aelred.


I want to learn Filipino, which I am so ashamed of my ignorance. I have paid professional teachers to teach me and then I go out and speak English with everybody and don’t learn.


After I read the newspaper interviews, I realized, deep down, there was more.


I don’t usually agree with what I read in the newspaper about Archbishop Cruz, but I found myself identifying with his “before I die” list for the most part.


Abp. Oscar V. Cruz, retired Archbishop of Lingayen-Dagupan, former president, Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines (CBCP)
1. To be reconciled with God through a very fervent and penitent confession.
2. To receive forgiveness from people I have hurt.
3. To have lived a life worth living, in the sense that it is a fitting gift back to God.
Every life is a gift from God — but how that life is lived is our gift to God at the end of our life.
4. To have somehow contributed to the amelioration or betterment of some individuals, certain families, and other communities.
5. That what I have written, especially that which outlives me, will be of use to the others I am leaving behind.


Others who awakened similar aspirations in me are:
Yvette Tan, fictionist and author of “Waking the Dead and Other Horror Stories”
4. Write a really good novel or ten: I’m not as prolific as I should be. I have a million ideas that need permanent homes, hopefully on the bookshelves of other people.
5. Pare down all my worldly belongings to what will fit into two carry-ons: I’ve always been in love with the idea of owning just the essentials. It’s very easy to travel the world nowadays and I love the idea of always being ready. The minimalist lifestyle also makes for less headaches, because presumably, you own your things instead of them owning you.


Sr. Dolores Daquilanea, AR, registrar, Colegio de Sta. Rosa Makati.
1. To be reconciled with my God, my Lord, my Spouse—Jesus Christ—for all my shortcomings in my entire Christian and religious life
2. To be able to reconcile with everybody—those I must have offended or been uncharitable to, especially my relatives, friends and those I have worked with
3. To gather my immediate family, whom I have not seen for the longest time, that we may catch up with one another and make up for the time we’ve missed together
4. Since my clan is composed people with different religions/beliefs, long before I was even born, I know I cannot bring them back to the Catholic Faith, but I hope to meet and share with them the Love that only Jesus Christ can give.
5. In my life as a Religious, there’s nothing great I want or hope to do — only to be able to serve God through His people in the apostolate I am assigned to — of course with God’s grace and Mother Mary’s protection.

Now these are the things I should have written the whole blog on. They hit the spot.


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“God is Friendship.” (St. Aelred, 1110-1167)


Rev. Richard R. Mickley, CDOS, OSAe, Ph.D.
Bishop, Catholic Diocese of One Spirit, Philippines
Abbot, The Order of St. Aelred
St. Aelred Friendship Society
Current Mailing Address: 33-A Sta. Maria Street, Barrio Kapitolyo, 1603 Pasig City, Metro Manila, Philippines
Mobile Phone: +639209034909
E-mail: saintaelred@gmail.com
Website: http://webspace.webring.com/people/ms/saintaelred/index.html
Profile, LGBT Religious Archive: http://www.lgbtran.org/Profile.aspx?ID=247
E-group: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/saeffriends
Fr. Richard’s personal blog: http://richardrmickley.blogspot.com/
Catholic Diocese of One Spirit (CDOS) website: http://www.onespiritcatholic.org/